61 Comments
User's avatar
Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

This week's glitch might be some difference between Substack as seen on a laptop and the Substack app on a phone. Karin says the Comments all appear on her app. Something to keep in mind for future House Calls.

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

I honestly think this was a random glitch that somehow hit my specific post for some reason. I can see and respond to comments on your Substack on any device. (Typing this on Chrome on my iPad, which I couldn’t do in our discussion.) So fingers crossed that other people won’t encounter the problem.

In any case, thanks for your patience with that, Chuck, and for going to the trouble of pasting the comments here. And especially thanks again for the House Call. I had so much fun and learned so much!

JT Johnson's avatar

Can’t wait to read this!! Who doesn’t want to walk into a well built house and help choose the fun parts??

Kerri Rickard's avatar

Congratulations, Karin!!!! Very proud of you!!!

Maegan Heil's avatar

Hooray, Karin!!!

Cheap & Crass's avatar

Ooooh I remember this story! Good stuff!

Eric Iversen's avatar

Congratulations! Very awesome. You deserve every kudo youget.

Eric Iversen's avatar

I think this is the third time I've read this and I enjoy it every time. It's s great story IMHO. As I mentioned, It does a great job giving the child's perspective. I know this is going to seem heretical, but I like the ending because it's not horrific. It's simply a child dscovering the world can be a little cruel. You subverted my expectations. The tension built and then it was released. A little girl grew up a little.

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

You just described the movie ending. The book ending should leave a scar.

Eric Iversen's avatar

Maybe she feeds bit of dog to the rooster.

Michaela Martell's avatar

Awesome. Love the conversation and thought provoking comments.

Very helpful.

Cheap & Crass's avatar

This story took me back to my life when I trapped myself in the chicken coop with a rather large and aggressive rooster and several hens. I almost forgot that story. I remember my dog whimpering right outside the door. I was terrified of that rooster. Luckily my little hands got through to the wooden latch and outside before it attacked.

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

Poultry is terrifying. 😂

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

David Foster Wallace wrote about his terror of poultry.

Cheap & Crass's avatar

Absolutely terrifying, Sir. Lolol

Joe G's avatar

Do you know where I can find that story that made you stop reading David Foster Wallace? The one about the puppy.

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

It's the title story from the collection "Girl with Curious Hair." And I do read Foster's nonfiction, just leery.

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

I can’t wait to dig into the comments. They’re still showing up in wonky order on my end, so forgive me if I miss any. I’ll do my best to find every one. (Making a new comment rather than responding to an existing one will help, I think.)

Joe G's avatar

What a delightful story, Karin. Also, thank you so very much for keeping it short! One of the few pieces I managed to read and finish. My favorite line is, "Her entire world goes feathers and pain." A little burnt-tonguey.

Chuck, thank you for sharing the feedback, as always. I noticed that a string of drool was a neat bookend to the story. Could that be an object? The string of drool? Probably a stupid question lol

And I bet Blackie was full of flavor as he was full of life.

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

How about if Grandma made Blackie a capon? That would be educational...

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

As a farm girl, I’m ashamed to say I had to look that up. I knew that roosters don’t make for good eating, but I wasn’t aware of the solution.

Joe G's avatar

I had to look that up too. Castrated male? Fattened? My god Chuck, you're sick and twisted!

And by sick and twisted, I mean I loved that idea.

Karin, take notes and turn Blackie into a capon! Eventually he gets too depressed because of his...lost appendage...so he stops fighting and starts stress eating. And that's how he gains weight! It's a vicious rooster cycle.

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

This is turning into a very clever workshop.

Joe G's avatar

Really? Me saying something like that in a real workshop would inspire exasperated eye rolls lol

Jake Gardner's avatar

Karin, I love the direction you and Chuck took this in! I honestly prefer the alfalfa to corn, because of the claustrophobic density, but if the height doesn’t make sense, maybe go with another livestock grass like switchgrass, timothy, sweetgrass, or tall fescue. Maybe even barley? All grasses have some allergenic qualities, though they aren’t generally life-threatening, but that could be a thing an adult might realize that a kid wouldn’t if it wasn’t explained properly. Also, I hate the ‘kill the dog’ idea, which means you have to do it.

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

Ha! I absolutely agree on the “kill the dog” thing.

Thanks for your suggestions about other grasses. (I have no idea what fescue is, but I love that word!) And yeah, the deadly allergy thing doesn’t need to be realistic. We just need to believe that a five-year-old would believe it.

Jake Gardner's avatar

Right. So if she’s told, “that stuff will hurt you,” she might interpret that in the worst way, when it might just mean she’ll get sniffly. Our monsters sometimes get smaller in retrospect.

J. Brandon Lowry's avatar

To add to Jake's suggestion, you could also consider canola as a crop. It's tall enough to hide a nine year old, the flowers have a bright yellow pollen that gets everywhere, and it has another name that is, for entirely understandable reasons, not used much anymore -- rapeseed.

Jake Gardner's avatar

Yeah, wow. Not sure I wanna know the etymology on that one, but it sure would work for the story.

Mia Maeve's avatar

Amazing, Karin!! I'm going to comment over on your post in a few, but first I LOVE the back and forth exchange between you two. I feel like a fly on the wall just eating up the genius here. Karin, your questions are so smart, and Chuck's advice is priceless. Thank you both!

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

Thank you!

I want to write a syndicated advice column like Dear Abby, but mine would be called "Ask a Sociopath!!"

Mia Maeve's avatar

Ha! That would be incredible!! Imagine the letters you'd receive. :)

Eric Iversen's avatar

I think that job would turn most people into a psychopath. "My husband insulted my spinach casserole at the church social. Do I let it go or fillet him with a dull butter knife?"

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

Hey guys, I want to check in on an old topic. When we do these House Calls, I wonder if I should put them behind a firewall. I DO want your work to get seen and read by as many people as possible... and I do want to help improve people's writing skills regardless of their finances... and I dislike the subscription system...

But I feel protective of you and your work. I can firewall this one and future House Calls. What do you think? Thanks, chuck

Jessica Moats's avatar

I was more worried I just realized they default opt us in for AI scanning in Substack itself. Everyone make sure you turn the opt out .. on.

Eric Iversen's avatar

I would rather have my work get a wider audience and stolen then toil in endless obscurity. Also at this point if I was aware of it being used to create something greater, I would be honored. At least I could point at it and know it was worth stealing.

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

I agree with Jessica that we should all go into our settings and opt out of AI scanning. But beyond that, I don't think it makes all that much difference if you were to firewall your posts -- because the story being discussed would still have to be open/public over on our own site in order to be discussed.

You've said that we should guard our most important work and not post it willy-nilly on the internet, and I think that's really good advice for people to remember. But for this process to work, the stories do have to be out in the open to some extent. Speaking for myself, putting a story that I was not super thrilled with out in the open in order to get your feedback was more than worth any risk. And now it's going to completely change anyway.

That being said, if there's ever a post where you share revised versions of our stories, I wouldn't be opposed to having that more private.

Wil Dalton's avatar

Wait, what, there’s an ai opt out! Damnit substack!

J. Lincoln Fenn's avatar

My iPhone just updated and now I have to Google all the things to turn off. Getting quite creepy with the tech.

Chuck Palahniuk's avatar

Thanks. I just found the switch. My old Remington typewriter is looking better every year.

Emilya Naymark's avatar

First, congratulations on the wonderful story! Very well written and I felt you got the child’s voice just right. I love all of Chuck’s suggestions (except one) and I really, really appreciate being able to read them and learn from them. The format on this House Call actually made it a lot easier. As for the comments, I thought the part where Sally doesn’t go into the hayloft because she doesn’t want to be unfair to the dog is so good. I was a much more selfish five-year-old. This made me like her very much. But if she does begin climbing, I still would want her to turn around because Charlie sounds upset, and she doesn’t want to upset him. You have many other opportunities to make Uncle Stanley the hidden menace. And when Charlie leaves her at the edge of the field, I thought you handled it really well. Other than that, I think Chuck’s comments are spot on (but please don’t kill the dog! Can he maybe… hurt the dog but it survives to tell the tale?) Great stuff all around.

Second, what was that about AI scanning???? Runs to check settings….

Karin Kohlmeier's avatar

Thanks so much, Emilya! I appreciate you taking the time to give such detailed comments.

Maybe I could combine your suggestion and Chuck's -- she hears something in the hayloft that freaks her out (reader feels possible uncle danger) but she wants to be brave so she uses not wanting Charlie to feel left out as an excuse to climb down. I'll have to give that some thought.

And this poor dog. I dunno...

Emilya Naymark's avatar

🙂the main thing is to write it the way that resonates with you.