Killer Turkey Death Wish Winner!

What did I teach you about the charm of typos...?

So difficult to choose from such good killer turkey stories!

Drew Pearis almost had me at “Klickitat County.”

But the prize must go to Ivy B — mostly for her nifty spelling of gruesome — for the following saga. And I loved that the turkey fleas into the crowd. Just picture Kevin Costner as the POV character.

Dances with Turkeys

Matthew was on shift one fine Thanksgiving morning as secret service for a goddamned turkey, which everyone was awaiting the annual pardoning ceremony. It wasn’t disclosed to Matthew this turkeys history.

Growing up, Matthew never really liked birds, having been attacked by crows as a young child. He thankfully outgrew the scars and fear, but something uneasy lingered in him around this particular bird that he couldn’t quite place.

He brushed off the unease and continued his duty and loaded the cage off of the truck with a partner. The two of them carried the cage to the gated area surrounding the stage, the bird remaining still and silent all the while. Normally, secret service wouldn’t be the staff assigned to hauling a turkey, but for undisclosed reasons, this was Mathew’s job today.

In wait for the ceremony to begin, Mathew left the cage in place on the stage and kept a watchful eye, as instructed. As the ceremony began and the president approached, the birds gaze turned to Mathew. He tightened up and moved his hand to his pistol. As the president took his final step to the bird, a flurry of feathers and chaos ensued. The cage door smacked open onto the floor, the bird almost pouncing onto the president. The president thrashed his arms in attempt to fight off the turkey but to no avail. The pair fell to the floor and the bird viciously began pecking and pulling. Just pecking and pulling, skin coming off with every brutal ‘riiiip’. Matthew couldn’t shoot without risking a bullet to the president. He froze with his gun in at aim, the turkey pecking the presidents eyes into mush. Mathew’s partner ran up to the scene to pull the turkey off, the talons of the bird gripping tightly to the presidents neck, ripping his throat out, with a greusom spray. The president lied there, blind and gagging, the crowd silent in horror. The turkey thrashed at Mathew’s partner, gouging his abdomen with sharp and dirty talons. A fellow secret service member rushed to the scene and shot at the turkey, missing and hitting the partner in the arm. The turkey drops and fleas into the crowd.

It makes it’s way through the tight crowd, “Excuse me, pardon me” it says.

Ivy B, please click here and send Dennis your snail mail address. A holiday gift pack will follow.

And thank you to everyone who stretched their writing wings and took on this difficult challenge!