Can’t help but jump at another opportunity to have my work read (but since I got feedback on the previous call for writing, I completely understand if this one is not addressed). This is the first section of an extended writing piece I’ve been working on to introduce and get into the headspace of the narrator:
Hey Chuck. I’ve revised the Stuffed Crust Conquistador per your awesome feedback. I have one question. Is this now polished enough to present to a publisher? I’m not done writing the remaining chapters yet, but if this is presentable enough, I’d like to use this as a benchmark for myself going forward to make sure I can get all chapters to this level. And if there’s still more to correct, of course feel free to let me know. Here’s the changes I made:
-Re-worked the opening to start with a phrase that I want to point to as a central theme.
-Removed passages about the airport and tree to use later.
-Removed reference to Grody’s cancer and re-worked it to keep that territory more obscure, thus heightening tension as suggested.
-Fixed “Tinkertoys” and did a more ‘on the body’ description. FYI that the bones don’t snap underground as they are too strong and the CB antenna is very flimsy. It just pokes and prods.
-Made the CB antennae a personal object and gave it a name. FYI the term ‘HEARTBREAKER’ is jargon used in the collector community for a broken arrowhead. That term and other specific terms (such as ‘SMOKER’ for a perfect piece) used in the arrowhead collecting community are all things I will work in throughout the story. They are niche words that I suppose will help to build authority. Any ideas/feedback on that are welcome.
Here’s the link to the revised version. At the bottom is also a link to the original version for reference.
Amazing news on Fight Club in Parade. Congrats, Chuck. And yeah, I read Parade as a child (perhaps before you were born). Later, I always had to read the column by Marilyn Vos Savant, the world's smartest person. I always found it interesting that 'Savant' was her real name (her mother's maiden name), not a corny pseudonym.
You deserve it dude, congrats. Your books stand the test of time.
This is part one of a short story, it is inspired by the press machine prompt. I aimed at writing it as a serial killer mockumentary ( I have no clue if this works) but, what the hell, its all about following my gut and bluffing my way to a lucky win at the moment. Cheers.
Hell yeah! Fight Club belongs on that list.
Yay!!! I made a few edits and tightened up some spots. Feeling good about this draft:
https://www.chrisalanjones.com/private/martha-1
Thank you for the Deep Dive reviews of our work, Chuck. It's very much appreciated.
Here’s my latest fiction, Inspired by A writing prompt (won’t spoil it with which number), just under 2,500 words, JOY RIDE.
https://maeganheil.substack.com/p/joy-ride?r=3tt98&s=w&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Thank you Chuck and fellow classmates for taking the time to read! Any and all feedback appreciated!
Can’t help but jump at another opportunity to have my work read (but since I got feedback on the previous call for writing, I completely understand if this one is not addressed). This is the first section of an extended writing piece I’ve been working on to introduce and get into the headspace of the narrator:
https://remylazarus.substack.com/p/highway-hypnosis?s=w
Thank you so much!
In the First Courts of Hell, posted before.
https://jeffersonlewisjewel.substack.com/p/in-the-first-courts-of-hell?s=w
Congrats on FC!
Hey Chuck. I’ve revised the Stuffed Crust Conquistador per your awesome feedback. I have one question. Is this now polished enough to present to a publisher? I’m not done writing the remaining chapters yet, but if this is presentable enough, I’d like to use this as a benchmark for myself going forward to make sure I can get all chapters to this level. And if there’s still more to correct, of course feel free to let me know. Here’s the changes I made:
-Re-worked the opening to start with a phrase that I want to point to as a central theme.
-Removed passages about the airport and tree to use later.
-Removed reference to Grody’s cancer and re-worked it to keep that territory more obscure, thus heightening tension as suggested.
-Fixed “Tinkertoys” and did a more ‘on the body’ description. FYI that the bones don’t snap underground as they are too strong and the CB antenna is very flimsy. It just pokes and prods.
-Made the CB antennae a personal object and gave it a name. FYI the term ‘HEARTBREAKER’ is jargon used in the collector community for a broken arrowhead. That term and other specific terms (such as ‘SMOKER’ for a perfect piece) used in the arrowhead collecting community are all things I will work in throughout the story. They are niche words that I suppose will help to build authority. Any ideas/feedback on that are welcome.
Here’s the link to the revised version. At the bottom is also a link to the original version for reference.
https://mattp.substack.com/p/the-stuffed-crust-conquistador?r=squpo&utm_campaign=post&utm_source=The%20Stuffed%20Crust%20Conquistador&utm_medium=ios
Amazing news on Fight Club in Parade. Congrats, Chuck. And yeah, I read Parade as a child (perhaps before you were born). Later, I always had to read the column by Marilyn Vos Savant, the world's smartest person. I always found it interesting that 'Savant' was her real name (her mother's maiden name), not a corny pseudonym.
Here’s a few, a couple are reposts, from prompts, one I recently did on a whim.
The first is from the radioactive one:
https://hessenwolf77.substack.com/p/a-common-miracle?r=hcjz3&utm_medium=ios
This is from the mundane in the extraordinary:
https://hessenwolf77.substack.com/p/the-last-dance?r=hcjz3&utm_medium=ios
And here’s a little one for fun. Not a story, per se:
https://hessenwolf77.substack.com/p/the-pitfalls-of-subsistence-hunting?r=hcjz3&utm_medium=ios
Here's a short post-apocalyptic story inspired by my daughter. Any feedback from Chuck or anyone that gets a chance to read it would be much appreciated. Thank you! https://losangelesreview.org/meltdown-richie-zaborowske/
New to the Substack, I'm a big fan and would be eager to hear your comments on this piece I just handed in for my last English class of college:
https://seamusclair.substack.com/p/highwayman
Thank you!!
Thank you for giving everyone this opportunity, Chuck. Your a Good dude. https://codytalkington.substack.com/p/man-today?r=xqpf8&s=w&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=direct
It SHOULD be on that list
So fucking awesome Fight Club is going to be top 100 in Parade. Deservedly so. I bet you’re stoked. Congrats dude!!!
Hey Chuck! I wrote this short story to help me get through a rough breakup last year. Its called, The Heartbreak Cookbook
https://www.thestorylife.com/short-stories/the-heartbreak-cookbook
You deserve it dude, congrats. Your books stand the test of time.
This is part one of a short story, it is inspired by the press machine prompt. I aimed at writing it as a serial killer mockumentary ( I have no clue if this works) but, what the hell, its all about following my gut and bluffing my way to a lucky win at the moment. Cheers.
https://rabbiibls.substack.com/p/the-very-very-wicked-press-machines?s=w