26 Comments

Thanks Chuck! I should really tape "create the disconnect that creates humor, then escalate to the disconnect that creates pathos" onto a small mirror and hang it on the wall facing the mirror over my sink.

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if only my wife didn't insist on me not making our bathroom a funhouse

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This is great! Thanks for being so candid and straightforward with the process behind the piece, it’s really interesting to see.

That part where Celeste’s ghost evaporates at the orgy, would it be too much or out of character for the narrator to remark, “not the first time Celeste was taken out by splooge.”? That, and, what with Celeste’s pristine, prissy princess personality, I guess it could be funny if the narrator comments on how her ghost never leaves behind ectoplasm. “Even when dead and turning all of our shoots into the ‘Blair Bitch Project’, Celeste the permanent pest is still too prissy to make a mess.” Look forward to seeing the post where you read it at Hind Sight!

P.S. Hope Spain’s nice!

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The trick is to stop being jokey as you want to shift to pathos. I agreed that additional shots at Celeste would be funny/cruel, but beyond her death she becomes sympathetic, and you'll want to build on that. A jokey line would cut the tension when you really need to build tension.

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I can't wait to watch the video!!! Safe Travels!

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founding

Thank you for breaking it down. This is very helpful. 😊

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Thank you for the story and the story behind the story. It reminded me that I'm not all that great of a person all the time as I found myself identifying with the narrator on occasion. My day job is being one of the nameless bodies on a film set, and I harbor some grudges towards "talent." Reading this story amplified my petty thoughts and was a nice wake up call to sign the damn sympathy card.

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The card was an interesting angle into the story. During my thirteen years at Freightliner I must've signed 10,000 birthday cards. So the card ritual seemed like a tame way to get the reader into a strange setting. Yeah, and I've eaten 10,000 cakes from Costco.

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It's funny, but reading on my own, at the line where the priest requested the company shoot a boy on boy scene, I didn't laugh that hard. I just accepted it like, "Yeah they would. That sounds correct."

At Hindsight, that laugh stopped the story for a minute, just to let the crowd howl.

When I was reading, I kept finding laughs I didn't even know I had. I think it was Bathos on my end, but it was still very cool to track.

RIP Randy Morningwood

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That was the funniest line to me when he read it out loud.

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founding

The deeper the better.

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Thank you for Celeste. I didn't know you've read this at Hindsight, looking forward to the video. It really feels like it's written for a live audience, dont know why? As I couldn't help but imagine myself sitting with the narrator in a bar late at night. Funny, and a great great laugh out loud ending.

How the story came to be in your head -- chosing from different versions, the process fascinates me. It shows there's more to writing, than just writerly instinct and clean prose. You gotta feed us more of these, whenever you can boss.

And enjoy Spain. If by any chance a little trip to South Morocco comes to plan along the way back home, come play Poker here, I won't let them take your money!

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Sorry I missed you. Spain is a bit of a blur.

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What do you mean a blur? Spain's that bad?

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Seeing the process is fantastically helpful. Thank you for taking the time to walk us through.

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Thanks for being so transparent about the process. Quite helpful.

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You're up soon, dude. And I see you went long. Careful with the time. But you did get massive laughs AND commit murder.

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Yes, I realize I exceeded the limit, and will be sure to reign in the lack of concision next time around.

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founding

The female AI narrator version of this and the original story was an interesting choice. (look for the audio headphone graphic in the upper right of the substack app and tap it—pun intended) Found myself trying to locate certain rhythms and pauses that would have heightened my listening experience and engagement—but were obviously missing. At the same time, there's a kind of cold inhuman aspect to the AI voice that kind of aligns with that business.

Looking forward to Chuck's reading of Celeste.

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Recently this French sentence came up during my daily Duolingo time,

"Le fantome disparait quand Papa venait" - "The ghost disappeared when Dad(dy) came."

I put it down in my notes thinking this is a story to be written, thinking I'm so creative and original...

I need Duolingo to pump out more weird sentences like this.

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le fantome disparaissait quand papa venait is the proper way to say it

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Dang it. Still gotta practice more haha

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founding

Read your interview in "El Pais". My good friend from Spain knows what's up and sent it to me this morning. Can't wait to renew my subscription. Thank you for all the great tips and lessons. You're a wonderful teacher.

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Thank you. This has been such a strange year, this constant examination of craft... stuff.

Right now I've waded into the edit of the novel I wrote in January/February. The editor has done a good deal of cutting and pasting to increase the tension in the opening chapters. It's nice to see I've still got more tricks to learn.

In Tom's workshop he'd sometimes interrupt a student to ask, "Why did you use that specific word there?" And the student would have to make a valid argument for the choice. It became a good habit: to know exactly why you made each choice.

Sorry if I'm rambling. Still jet lagged, here.

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Something that relates to Tom's question. My brain can't figure out why I'm making certain decisions in writing. Probably all decisions. How can I turn from copying what works, to becoming fully aware of every whys and whats?

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founding

Rambling is wonderful! I really like the idea of getting deep into word choice. I think that question can also be used for entire stories. As in Why the hell did I just write that story? Add that paragraph? And so on...

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