I'm happy to here that you're going to get submissions open. Strange occurences do seem to follow you. I often wonder how much is made up. One unrelated question, does the fact that perfect strangers have the ability to know so much about you ever freak you out?
I knew this girl (let's call her R) through a friend and she was gorgeous, had a mad crush on her but we were very different types, I never thought R was interested (a bold type, she'd let me know for sure I thought!) so I never tried my luck, but we'd have a great time all our drinking.
R was a 'big character", code for mouthy, which sometimes would bring a bit of trouble or excitement, depending on how you look on it. But something our mutual friend and I used to talk about was her "stories" - being followed or stalked, attacked by someone on the way home, people talking to her telling her mad stuff, a gorgeous couple on the tube (the subway in UK) asking her to join in a threesome that night, seeing nasty car accidents, all manner of madness happening too her or around her or in front of her. Big character and all, but all this seemed to come to her. Too much, too often, we were beyond skeptical...
On a night out I was talking about how two different girls in my office were really putting the moves on me (unusual for me!) and stupidly I'd welcomed both advances and was expecting trouble. Later on when R was at the bar our mutual friend said I should expect R to throw herself at me, and she did. We saw each other constantly for for about 3-4 weeks (long enough to make me put off the other two, awkwardly) and I couldn't tell you how much madness I encountered in her company in that short time. Someone swinging a machete at some drunk guys outside a kebab shop (in a nice part of the city), some aspiring PR person asking us to make up vox pops for a play we hadn't seen and being really aggressive when we wouldn't, a friend of hers showing up at her flat looking like and bleeding like they'd been rolling around in glass, strangers constantly talking to her if I left her side. The pinnacle was when a man fell off scaffolding and landed in front of us in a horrible thud.
I also noticed that subtler stuff she'd notice that I wouldn't, like what people might be doing near us, that I'd miss but would make total sense when she'd say what she thought was happening.
Fizzled out (lasted long enough to blow my other two leads and make the office nice and awkward) wasn't like a big love or anything (those things often disappoint) but I felt like she lived in a slightly different world than I did.
Some people, the world just comes to them, and they pay attention.
Yes! Expected a tiny box and it was massive. Thanks for the chocolates. I havent eaten sugar at all since 2021 so I'm going to make myself sick with them when I finally cheat this weekend.
I think youve got my package mixed up with someone elses, maybe? I got it maybe 8 days ago. Several jingly balls, crinkly balls, a little mouse to stuff with catnip, and a squeaky monkey that I put in my dashboard.
...and thanks so much for the flower seeds!!! The bees will appreciate it. Fed an exhausted bee months ago, and she told her friends. Now on every warm day, several of them visit because I keep the door open. Have videos of them landing on my hand even without baiting with honey.
I am looking forward to seeing the submissions that you select for us. Thank you for your willingness to teach and to give other writers the opportunity to learn and share.
Yes, but I'll look for pieces that don't need set up: "This is the first time Denny meets Lisa, and they don't know it but they both had the same pediatrician and they might share a secret legacy..." So, don't do set up. Just start, bang.
I’ve often wanted to fully capture what it’s like to touch a dead body without sounding grossly necrophilic. Not just touch, but touch so many times you know your way around it like your neighborhood. I’m a nurses aide, hospice aide, and such. I know morticians and the like can do it, but I want to in my own words. I think that’s what I might try write for you.
I worked in a funeral home for about a year. I was the guy who had to drive to hospitals and nursing homes in an unmarked white van and collect the recently departed for their final makeover and display. The first time you handle a dead body is kind of weird but after that first one the weirdness fades with each new body.
I’m usually the one you meet when you come in. Hopefully they’ve groomed and cleaned the patient before you come. Even if they’re being cremated I do that!
Some were and some not so much. Since this was over 20 years ago and I don't remember the name I think it's ok to mention. There was a guy who was legit 600 lbs that was cremated. When we dropped off the body at the crematorium the guy there said, "holy sh*t, gonna have to turn up the heat for this one."
And now I work for a website that gives people cancer. WebMD. (I kid about the giving people *actual* cancer but it does point all search results eventually to a cancer of some sort)
It's about a writer who shared on social media about donating a kidney to a stranger, then found a writer colleague subsequently wrote a story along those lines. So it's about the ethics of "borrowing" ideas from your creative peers.
The concept got some buzz so you'll likely find it echoed around the web. Search: Bad art friend.
When my father passed in hospice, I was with him at the last. When my sister came, we both laid hands on him to feel him one more time. We could still feel the warmth of his body. It’s my last real memory of him since he was cremated.
I'm excited that submissions will be open and now I'm motivated to finish a couple short pieces that I've been working on for way too long without finishing them for no valid reason. Thanks you Chuck!
Nope. Substack owns none of the content. We are free to pull it at any time. In fact, it might be a good policy to keep your work up for only a couple weeks, then pull it, to encourage people to read it sooner.
Not to be Debbie Downer but keep in mind a lot of places won't publish previously published work, even if it was only published on a blog, Substack, etc.
Summer of 73, I was driving from Dodge City to Allentown PA. Engine blew up outside of Terre Haute so I abandoned it in a Dutch Pantry parking lot and decided to hitch the rest of the way. Got as far as eastern Ohio and decided to get some sleep off the highway. Climbed a fence and found a stand of cedars to sleep under. Some cows woke me in the morning and in the daylight I found myself in an old farmstead’s cemetery. Slept like a baby.
The local cemetery was my place of solace as a kid. Trees lined the front so no one could see that a car or person was in there at night. Wrote a lot there. Consumed drugs there. Slept there.
It's amazing how cross-culturally cemeteries are where sex workers gather to find customers. My brother told me about a huge graveyard in Paris -- where he worked for Exxon -- where the lanes were crowded with cars and and prostitutes every night. That juxtaposition of sex and death is classic. Remember the horrible scene in "The Year of Living Dangerously" when the sex workers dragged the man from the car in the cemetery? Amazing.
I had no idea this was a thing, and I have had sex in the cemetery before. Must be ingrained in our genetic memory. Need privacy? Surround yourself with death.
[dusting off medals] Brilliant! I'll sent Dennis my address and phone number now for convenient remittance of all future prizes.
The way I slice it (expect more library entries indefinitely), it was neck and necklace (oops! a Freudian typo!).
Anyway, now *you're* the one giving it all away.
Incidentally, did you see any of my replies to your request for an explanation re the library prize? I recommend the PS, short and "Long" versions.
Since I'm not computer savvy enough to fake these things, here is S/Andra's reply. Thanks again from both of us.
"Wow! I’m so touched by your kindness, compassion and giving heart. Thank you! What a surprise!! I loved your Chuck adventures!! Congratulations on your win!! I’ll let you know when I receive it. Happy Valentine’s Day dear friend. May this day be filled with wonder, intention, grace, and love!! xoxoxo"
Chuck, hearing about the things you put your body through during these book tours. Having jet-lag just wring your body out like a sponge. Have you ever just asked yourself, "why the hell am I putting myself through this again?"
This big story Im working on is about exactly that. It started as "What if a very damaged, neurotic loser with severe social anxiety got forced to try to get published, and had to do signings?" He does because of a (hopefully) hilarious event, and a pushy friend. Currently trying to bring a very flat martyr character to life with an unhealthy need for attention from the protagonist...and process some real life feelings at the same time.
Congrats to Colton! And WoW, what an article, the Dorland vs. Larson debacle. So much energy spent. I can see how the story was inspired. Donating (anything--not just organs) anonymously is the way to go. Remember that moment in Great Expectations when Finn discovers that all of his artwork was purchased by the convict he helped as a child? In my head, that scene was like the epitome of what a gift/donation could be if one could only let go of his or her ego.
OH! I almost forgot. Received my package today. Most excellent. Thank you so, so much. Would love to send a photo of the excitement, but Dennis's contact form doesn't seem to have an attachment option...
All the middles have been poked open so you don't have to guess which flavor is which. The toddler found the bubble wrap and was satisfied for three whole minutes. :)
Oh Chuck, got another question for you. Is there any content you flat-out won't allow? What if someone submits a raunchy sex scene? Would that be eligible for critique?
Also, how do you feel about me starting my comments with your name? Because during an interview you said when people use your name too much they sound like a devious car salesperson haha
I'm happy to here that you're going to get submissions open. Strange occurences do seem to follow you. I often wonder how much is made up. One unrelated question, does the fact that perfect strangers have the ability to know so much about you ever freak you out?
Made up? Quite the opposite, I censor and omit the best parts so you're getting the "believable" version of true events.
I knew this girl (let's call her R) through a friend and she was gorgeous, had a mad crush on her but we were very different types, I never thought R was interested (a bold type, she'd let me know for sure I thought!) so I never tried my luck, but we'd have a great time all our drinking.
R was a 'big character", code for mouthy, which sometimes would bring a bit of trouble or excitement, depending on how you look on it. But something our mutual friend and I used to talk about was her "stories" - being followed or stalked, attacked by someone on the way home, people talking to her telling her mad stuff, a gorgeous couple on the tube (the subway in UK) asking her to join in a threesome that night, seeing nasty car accidents, all manner of madness happening too her or around her or in front of her. Big character and all, but all this seemed to come to her. Too much, too often, we were beyond skeptical...
On a night out I was talking about how two different girls in my office were really putting the moves on me (unusual for me!) and stupidly I'd welcomed both advances and was expecting trouble. Later on when R was at the bar our mutual friend said I should expect R to throw herself at me, and she did. We saw each other constantly for for about 3-4 weeks (long enough to make me put off the other two, awkwardly) and I couldn't tell you how much madness I encountered in her company in that short time. Someone swinging a machete at some drunk guys outside a kebab shop (in a nice part of the city), some aspiring PR person asking us to make up vox pops for a play we hadn't seen and being really aggressive when we wouldn't, a friend of hers showing up at her flat looking like and bleeding like they'd been rolling around in glass, strangers constantly talking to her if I left her side. The pinnacle was when a man fell off scaffolding and landed in front of us in a horrible thud.
I also noticed that subtler stuff she'd notice that I wouldn't, like what people might be doing near us, that I'd miss but would make total sense when she'd say what she thought was happening.
Fizzled out (lasted long enough to blow my other two leads and make the office nice and awkward) wasn't like a big love or anything (those things often disappoint) but I felt like she lived in a slightly different world than I did.
Some people, the world just comes to them, and they pay attention.
Sleep mask with built in headphones. Im a very light sleeper. It helps a lot.
Did that cat stuff arrive? It's been six days.
Yes! Expected a tiny box and it was massive. Thanks for the chocolates. I havent eaten sugar at all since 2021 so I'm going to make myself sick with them when I finally cheat this weekend.
Let me know how that strange cat robot toy works.
I think youve got my package mixed up with someone elses, maybe? I got it maybe 8 days ago. Several jingly balls, crinkly balls, a little mouse to stuff with catnip, and a squeaky monkey that I put in my dashboard.
...and thanks so much for the flower seeds!!! The bees will appreciate it. Fed an exhausted bee months ago, and she told her friends. Now on every warm day, several of them visit because I keep the door open. Have videos of them landing on my hand even without baiting with honey.
I forgot about the spinning thing! Will definitely report back.
Yes, that's the robot I meant.
Initial reaction is fear. See if they get used to it.
I am looking forward to seeing the submissions that you select for us. Thank you for your willingness to teach and to give other writers the opportunity to learn and share.
I'll bet you miss those tours. Or is life already back to normal in the U S of A? We got babkes here.
For the submissions, you're accepting of both complete short stories or scenes from a larger work?
I hope both.
Yes, but I'll look for pieces that don't need set up: "This is the first time Denny meets Lisa, and they don't know it but they both had the same pediatrician and they might share a secret legacy..." So, don't do set up. Just start, bang.
Nice!
I’ve often wanted to fully capture what it’s like to touch a dead body without sounding grossly necrophilic. Not just touch, but touch so many times you know your way around it like your neighborhood. I’m a nurses aide, hospice aide, and such. I know morticians and the like can do it, but I want to in my own words. I think that’s what I might try write for you.
Congrats Colton!
The link is paywalled. Oh well.
I worked in a funeral home for about a year. I was the guy who had to drive to hospitals and nursing homes in an unmarked white van and collect the recently departed for their final makeover and display. The first time you handle a dead body is kind of weird but after that first one the weirdness fades with each new body.
I’m usually the one you meet when you come in. Hopefully they’ve groomed and cleaned the patient before you come. Even if they’re being cremated I do that!
Some were and some not so much. Since this was over 20 years ago and I don't remember the name I think it's ok to mention. There was a guy who was legit 600 lbs that was cremated. When we dropped off the body at the crematorium the guy there said, "holy sh*t, gonna have to turn up the heat for this one."
You have to have a dark sense of humor to do anything in or bordering medicine.
And now I work for a website that gives people cancer. WebMD. (I kid about the giving people *actual* cancer but it does point all search results eventually to a cancer of some sort)
That’d be a hell of a short story if whatever you searched on web MD actually ailed you just by reading it.
That's like the Gary Larson "Far Side" comic where all the horse ailments are to be cured by "shoot."
Developer? Looking for writing/SEO work.
I'm friends with an MD who has close to zero sense of humor. He's also Russian though.
His bedside manner must be shit.
Ouch, sorry. I thought I got in that way earlier. I'll look for a new link.
Alas, my alternative link is gone.
It’s okay. I get the feeling it was about how genuine friend aren’t likely to tell the truth about our art being bad? Am I close?
It's about a writer who shared on social media about donating a kidney to a stranger, then found a writer colleague subsequently wrote a story along those lines. So it's about the ethics of "borrowing" ideas from your creative peers.
The concept got some buzz so you'll likely find it echoed around the web. Search: Bad art friend.
I shall!
Saw that a couple weeks ago. Fascinating. Thankfully, none of my friends can read.
Getting Cozy with the Dead by Atticus Blake
I'd read that book lol
Oh man. If my present work snags a publisher you will.
When my father passed in hospice, I was with him at the last. When my sister came, we both laid hands on him to feel him one more time. We could still feel the warmth of his body. It’s my last real memory of him since he was cremated.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I'm excited that submissions will be open and now I'm motivated to finish a couple short pieces that I've been working on for way too long without finishing them for no valid reason. Thanks you Chuck!
Glad you're glad.
What can I say, I'm easy like that.
If you share a piece, is it going to be possible to publish it later?
Of course! I claim no rights to it, and I will take it down the moment you ask.
Not you. Im just wondering if a publisher could still use it/if substack has some sort of claim to it?
Nope. Substack owns none of the content. We are free to pull it at any time. In fact, it might be a good policy to keep your work up for only a couple weeks, then pull it, to encourage people to read it sooner.
Scarcity and time pressure. Sneaky.
Not to be Debbie Downer but keep in mind a lot of places won't publish previously published work, even if it was only published on a blog, Substack, etc.
Thats what I was thinking.
Still I'd be way happier to have something curated by Mr P. then read by everyone here than to have something published in the Palookaville Review.
Also, Palookaville might be happy for the exposure if I can pump up their subsequent publication of the finished work...
In this case, it will be a draft, most likely posted for a limited time. And it will only be a portion of the whole work in most cases.
that is a wondrous anecdote Mr P.
hahaha
…or,
flip horrorshow raskazz, droogie
guffaw
They booked an author and got a handyman in the bargain.
I've been fingered!
Thumb thing like that.
Over to you for the last word...
I think you've nailed it.
You both had a hand in the nailing.
Summer of 73, I was driving from Dodge City to Allentown PA. Engine blew up outside of Terre Haute so I abandoned it in a Dutch Pantry parking lot and decided to hitch the rest of the way. Got as far as eastern Ohio and decided to get some sleep off the highway. Climbed a fence and found a stand of cedars to sleep under. Some cows woke me in the morning and in the daylight I found myself in an old farmstead’s cemetery. Slept like a baby.
I was really hoping you'd climbed into a "body farm" and found yourself among carefully arranged corpses.
The local cemetery was my place of solace as a kid. Trees lined the front so no one could see that a car or person was in there at night. Wrote a lot there. Consumed drugs there. Slept there.
It's amazing how cross-culturally cemeteries are where sex workers gather to find customers. My brother told me about a huge graveyard in Paris -- where he worked for Exxon -- where the lanes were crowded with cars and and prostitutes every night. That juxtaposition of sex and death is classic. Remember the horrible scene in "The Year of Living Dangerously" when the sex workers dragged the man from the car in the cemetery? Amazing.
I had no idea this was a thing, and I have had sex in the cemetery before. Must be ingrained in our genetic memory. Need privacy? Surround yourself with death.
Congrats Colton! Great story. Looking forward to reading more of whatever Chuck selects.
It just goes to show you the importance of digitizing the collection.
Gonna go get plastered right now.
Same mold same mold. 😅
Both of your lines popped in my head as I was preparing for beddy bie in your "alternate bedroom" . Now that's spooky. 🤪
Good thing I don't care if anyone steals my jokes.
Ps it's your delivery of that line that made me laugh. Just like the stories at all the readings you don't remember any more. 😉
Perfect. Karen wins again.
Are you telling me the contest ended? 😜
Karen always wins.
[dusting off medals] Brilliant! I'll sent Dennis my address and phone number now for convenient remittance of all future prizes.
The way I slice it (expect more library entries indefinitely), it was neck and necklace (oops! a Freudian typo!).
Anyway, now *you're* the one giving it all away.
Incidentally, did you see any of my replies to your request for an explanation re the library prize? I recommend the PS, short and "Long" versions.
Since I'm not computer savvy enough to fake these things, here is S/Andra's reply. Thanks again from both of us.
"Wow! I’m so touched by your kindness, compassion and giving heart. Thank you! What a surprise!! I loved your Chuck adventures!! Congratulations on your win!! I’ll let you know when I receive it. Happy Valentine’s Day dear friend. May this day be filled with wonder, intention, grace, and love!! xoxoxo"
And here I had cast myself as a one-win wonder. Who knew!
Chuck, hearing about the things you put your body through during these book tours. Having jet-lag just wring your body out like a sponge. Have you ever just asked yourself, "why the hell am I putting myself through this again?"
There is a clause in the publishing contract: "The author will make the best effort in all cases to support the marketing of the book..."
This big story Im working on is about exactly that. It started as "What if a very damaged, neurotic loser with severe social anxiety got forced to try to get published, and had to do signings?" He does because of a (hopefully) hilarious event, and a pushy friend. Currently trying to bring a very flat martyr character to life with an unhealthy need for attention from the protagonist...and process some real life feelings at the same time.
Congrats to Colton! And WoW, what an article, the Dorland vs. Larson debacle. So much energy spent. I can see how the story was inspired. Donating (anything--not just organs) anonymously is the way to go. Remember that moment in Great Expectations when Finn discovers that all of his artwork was purchased by the convict he helped as a child? In my head, that scene was like the epitome of what a gift/donation could be if one could only let go of his or her ego.
Also a question: May the submissions be from any genre?
OH! I almost forgot. Received my package today. Most excellent. Thank you so, so much. Would love to send a photo of the excitement, but Dennis's contact form doesn't seem to have an attachment option...
Be honest, did someone take a bite out of each chocolate? That always happens haha
Just don't let the kids get at the candy, they are gonna be bouncing off the walls!
All the middles have been poked open so you don't have to guess which flavor is which. The toddler found the bubble wrap and was satisfied for three whole minutes. :)
Terrific. Enjoy the heart of chocolates. Plant the seeds.
Of course. I truly believe that aspects of Minimalism will help any work, regardless of the market.
Oh Chuck, got another question for you. Is there any content you flat-out won't allow? What if someone submits a raunchy sex scene? Would that be eligible for critique?
Also, how do you feel about me starting my comments with your name? Because during an interview you said when people use your name too much they sound like a devious car salesperson haha
I like Chuckie, but idk if he likes that.
I watched this documentary about Chuck and these goth/rock girls called him Chucky P and taught him how to do hand signs.
If Chuck ever releases a rap album, it's gonna be Chucky P, the real MC!
Weird. I never heard that but that’s what I call him in my head. “Chucky P.”
Oh dear. I'm told that the "Suicide Girls" website was named after a phrase in my book 'Survivor.' I'll bet that's how this encounter happened.