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"The Dough No Longer Rises"

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Do it like Dexter. The dough splatter analyst is the assassin, but only kills other microbial killers due to his mental gymnast cereal killer code

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"Cereal killer" ... I see what you did there

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author

I'm back. I've blocked someone -- my first time, and it's not a great feeling.

Let's discuss discussing the Charles Baxter story. I won't tackle it until more people have a good chance to read it. Thanks.

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RemovedMar 11, 2022·edited Mar 11, 2022
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author

Sweet. Thank you.

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Feel free to ignore me if this is too personal, but do you feel isolated? Id be happy to chat with ya. Substack needs DMs.

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author

Soon I'll post a list of excellent short stories. This will give you a long-term heads-up about what we'll be dissecting. Sadly, many are tough to find.

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founding

It's kind of fun hunting for them. Like being in a library back when they had card catalogues.

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author

I'm conflicted. I could scan and post them but that's unethical.

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founding

No! Let us find. Last time there were multiple posts with that helpful link... We're a team.

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founding

I think everyone was great about helping each other out on the hunt.

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Mar 11, 2022·edited Mar 11, 2022

OK I get it now! I have to actually just talk and show up. Got it. Gooooooo team! When’s lunch?

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What if you mailed them, and we mailed them to one another? The Palahniuk Postal Library.

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founding

Everyone who was a kid in the 90s knows chain letters are illegal, John.

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Every 90s kid knows that sending on chain letters brings out a local serial killer.

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I meant the actual books. We only have 24hrs to read them and send them on. Hint. Wink. Nudge. Xerox.

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founding

Time for another book adventure! Boots on, compass ready!

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Yeah, but where?? 8^)

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founding

Start your adventure anywhere you would find books.

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Thanks, but as I said ^ in the thread I'm traveling and have no access to English books noplace (!) except online...

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Someone found them on achieve dot com. Can I add the direct link here?

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Everything is in the internet. Maybe we ought to find a book dealer in this group. I have a "Poker" one who supplies me with thousand dollars worth cutting edge courses and softwares for peanuts. But, I'd feel horrible that the money won't go to the writer. Cause unlike poker players, writers are decent folks.

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The writers have already been paid for used copies. Unsure if thats ethical or not, but I nearly always buy used books because they the wear on them tells a story as well. Plus Im cheap. Chuck, can I acquire and sell used copies to everyone? Is that ethical?

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Obviously not used copies. What about those masterclasses from recent years, Aaron Sorkin, David Mamet.. to name a couple. All of em can be aquired for nothing. Doesn't it affect the writers?

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Thanks I still haven’t gotten a chance to read it.

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Welcome back to the comments! I got my copy of Baxter yesterday. Can’t wait to dive into discussions.

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founding

Me too--isn't it Different?!...

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I loved it... for the record.

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founding

Me too, but I will avoid any spoilers until the official discussion.

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author

Thank you. Please don't spoil it for now.

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Yeah! Makes me excited about future assignments too. Highly doubtful I would have ended up reading this outside of this group.

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Welcome back. I think I came within an inch of getting blocked. lesson learned. Story read.

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I honestly thought he blocked you lol

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Ever hear of folie a Deux? 😉

I'm still here and grateful for it.

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Huzzah! Ive been in Chuck withdrawal and consuming your podcast spots as replacement treatment. Was listening to Altucher today. Glad I did because Ive been reminded of a lot from Consider This, and had some things cleared up. Got a lot of thought verbs combined with action/viscera that I have to rethink.

Sorry. Hope the blockee gets whatever it is they need. (Im being sincere.)

When Chuck said that he was always sincere on Bilyeu's podcast it kicked me in the gut because I have actively tried very hard to do the same after a lifetime of hiding behind sarcasm and humor.

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I was able to read it online - thanks archive[dot]org! Looking forward to the discussion. 😊

And in my quest to obtain a hard copy, I picked up some of Baxter's other work. 😆

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Welcome back! Your room is just how you left it. But we've added a few extra glittery balls.

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Can someone tell me what Charles Baxter story Im supposed to read? I totally missed this somehow and am failing to find it in other posts.

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founding

His short story, "Through the Safety Net." It is a pretty quick read!

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Through the Safety Net. The book bears the same name. It's online and I can post the link again.

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Um. I am having trouble finding it.

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It's free here. If it's out, just try again in 1 hour.

https://archive.org/details/throughsafetynet00baxt/page/n231/mode/2up

Happy reading.

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Thank you!

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founding

Welcome back! I was increasingly sad at the thought that some doofus ruined it for the rest of us who are here for your insight, wit, and the occasional zinger!

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Woohoo! Chuck's back! Great to see you posting again. Thanks so much for the box of goodies. I think the whole street heard me shout, 'Fuck, yeah!' when the postman arrived. Charles Baxter story read and very on-board with hunting out future short stories. May the substack go on!

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Mar 11, 2022·edited Mar 11, 2022

Standing on the porch of the Paper Street house was worth the wait. Space Monkey, ready to go! ♥️🐒🚀

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founding

Got stuck at the airport for 6 hours yesterday. Managed to find a copy of “Through the Safety Net” on Amazon for just a few quid - the entire collection of short stories - so I brought it with me.

And I was reading at the gate. Kids stuffing their mouths with crunchy crisps. People chewing and always muttering about everything. I was reading and wondered, “Why people have to chew so much in public?” And also, “Where the hell is this story going?” Then I saw it. And really enjoyed it. The story, the chewing annoyed me all the way back home.

Looking forward to see your analysis of the story, Chuck.

Also, in the short stories collection there are some other nice stories too. “Saul and Paty are Getting Comfortable in Michigan” twisted my stomach. It gave me a sad slap in the face. I grew fond of the two main characters so much I wanted to watch a movie about them.

Anyway, thanks, Chuck. For Baxter. And for being back.

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Glad you're back chief. You are immensely valued.

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I should write a book where the entire state of New Jersey’s water supply is tainted with radioactive waste to rid the world of perfect bagels. Get ‘em now and beware.

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This is brilliant.

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*pulls on beard that isn’t there and smokes a pipe.*

Thank you!

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founding

How weird. I gave my sister a 225+ year old starter dough for Christmas (husband's idea). And I had an extra pack I gave to my mother-in-law last week. She's too nervous to start it! But she did have a funny story about the last time someone gave her a starter, it came with a loaf of friendship bread, and she threw both in the trash. The friend came knocking a day later--her starter had died and she needed to borrow a bit from what she gifted. MIL thought up a quick lie and sent her on her way empty handed...Oops!

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This would be a very creative way to kill a starter. I believe you should use it.

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What if the mentioned starter gets offended for being left behind and takes it out on the poor sitter first, then goes off on a killing rampage? I’m thinking ‘The Blob’ meets ‘The Great British Bake Off’. It’s the sort of post covid horror people need these days.

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I get my best ideas in the sour(d'oh!).

Didn't sourdough starter become priceless during the pandemic?

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founding

I'm completely intrigued and indulged by my aunt's devotion to her sourdough starter! None of us in the house eat much bread until she starts to make her sourdough. It's also fascinating how the bread becomes more and more perfected and soft as the the started evolves. We always run out of butter way too quickly as well.

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On the subject of bread...Best rolls I ever had were at this restaurant called Lamberts in Sikeston, Missouri. "Home of the throwed rolls." Go there and you'll find out why. It's a 7-hour drive from my house and we've seriously considered the trip multiple times...

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Montreal bagels (the real thing, not the imitators in name only). They're world famous! 😜

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Lot of story potential there! Unpack those sensory details

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The death of the starter is the mid point. Have a couple bakers and the machinations that lead up to the deaths of multiple starters. Then the fallout. One baker rises, knowing he stole the starter, another is devastated by the loss. A third is an also ran, bearing a grudge, falsly, against the devastated baker. The three meet at the Great British Bake Off, where everything, starters and bodies, is ended in a slaughter.

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The fact that some portion of our bodyweight is the biomass of organisms that are not us is unnerving. The fact we die without our gut bacteria is more unnerving. I've wiped my eyelashes with alcohol wipes for the sole purpose of killing eyelash mites. (I got over that)

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Mar 11, 2022·edited Mar 11, 2022

When my brother left the marines in 2002, he came to live with me. I had a small two story apartment smushed against other apartments in a row. Not fancy enough to be called row houses or even row apartments.

He was having problems finding a higher paying job outside of being a waiter. But yet, he had a bright white light coming out of his room 24/7. Not sure what was going on, I picked the lock one day and found he started growing pot. The plants were barely out of the soil, but it was obvious what it was.

Living a state where they seize everything you own if they find illegal drugs, not that we had a lot, I decided to not say anything to him and take care of it myself.

Toilet bowl cleaner works just as well as RoundUp apparently; just a little bit next to each plant, watered down so it was absorbed by the peat moss infused soil.

The plants quickly died and twenty years later he still has no idea I'm the one who offed his first crop.

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Howdy gang. How’s the wife and my kids? I kid, I kid. Moving right along. If one were to give this yeasty bad boy a day in court and wanted some feedback, is there a specific place that one would do so? Furthermore, I have the social media prowess of an introverted caveman with dyslexia, and also wanted to know if this is the only place people are communicating because I feel like there’s a whole community deal going on and I’m a stinky leper that lives outside of town and tells shitty jokes. But makes an excellent ceviche so you keep me around, anyway. Thanks for any feedback in advance and remember always, seatbelts.

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Hi Erik, if you like, I'd be happy to stalk around for you on Facebook and send you a friend request. But I think the comments section is where it's at. (As in the happening place).

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Mar 11, 2022·edited Mar 11, 2022

I feel like if you tell somebody you’re gonna do it, it’s not stalking anymore… so are we like dating now? I mean that’s cool and everything but my cat gets spiteful around other women and I’m really low on gas. But I’m ok Honey, so I guess I’ll pick you up at six then. 🤘🏻 I gonna call mom and give her the good news.

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Looking forward to seeing holiday photos of Erik and Maegan with their blended family of cats in matching Christmas jumpers.

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*takes notes: solid.

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For real though, that would be lovely and I’m assuming I’m actually already in the comment section. So now I’m gonna go stand in the corner and think about what I did. Thank you for the help, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.

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It just seems like everybody seems to be in the know about shit around here and I feel like the dude that shows up halfway through the movie and bangs your mom.

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But other than that has no fucking idea what’s going on

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But more than the prompt, I just got a know what would make you block someone chuck? I know that it’s none of my business and I don’t want to make a big spectacle island the whole ordeal but I’m just genuinely curious. The depth of pettiness and spite that people go to, (in any manner) don’t surprise me so it’s just peaked my curiosity. No worries either way and I hope you guys are staying safe and kicking ass

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I'm curious about it too. Maybe he blocked the person for their benefit? So they won't potentially get offended again. I'm just guessing.

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Mar 11, 2022·edited Mar 11, 2022

Now that’s why I enjoy creative minds. I was going a different route with my thought process but I totally see where you’re coming from. Interesting. Well Chuck, if you read this I am sorry that you had to do that for whatever reason, and it is what it is. Life goes on. If you want it to, that is. but I hope you’re OK and thanks for fucking shit up and lookin’ saucy as shit while doin’ it. Be well 💪🏼❤️🇺🇸

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I can tell someone that I love them and to have a happy birthday and people will scold me and tell me that love is subjective and birthdays are a social construct. Not satire although I wish it was. So I understand not wanting that kind of energy in your life

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Oh. The assassin would eat it and then the baker would be in a mad rush to get it back before it was digested.

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