Hi Chuck, I’m very sorry to hear about Tom’s passing. He seemed like the most encouraging teacher of writing that there could be. I loved your anecdotes about him in “Consider This.”
This is a short piece I had published on a Transgressive website called “A Thin Slice of Anxiety.” I’d love to have it reviewed for Gloves Off.
"The customers give me little hints of their own stories—leaving me to piece together the rest in my head. I’ll give you a good one from last week: this guy comes in wearing a blue plaid suit—very expensive-looking—and a matching scally cap. He looked like a true Irish mobster or a Bostonian ruffian who cleaned up his act and got into finance. He handed me a thumb drive and asked me to print everything on it."
Everything that came before this bit was what Tom called "Throat Clearing." But at this point you dig in with solid verbs: Give, Piece together, Comes in, Handed. Not a squishy 'is' or 'has' in the series. Everything before this was summarized, but here you hook us with a scene. Notice how, if you don't tell us it's a copy center, we're hooked more effectively. The active verbs hold us, even while we're unsure of the context.
Thank you so much, Chuck. I’m still trying to really get used to the active voice and putting the readers in scenes instead of just describing them. This truly means the world.
I’m so sorry to hear about Tom, Chuck. It’s apparent that he left an immeasurable impression on you and so many others. Wishing healing and peace as you get ready to embark on your tour.
My local Barnes and Noble put out Shock Induction early. I feel like a law breaker reading it before the street date. Thank god all the secret government programs I was read into during my Navy days keep me off the FBI watchlists and put me straight on to the CIA watchlist instead. I bet the CIA agent shadowing me will get a kick out of your newest novel.
I enjoyed my time in your workshop. I think Tom would be proud of how you have paid it forward with all the workshops that your have run since the Dangerous Writing Days.
I hope to pay it forward once my success amhas caught up to my ambition. Thanks for everything Chuck.
It is one of the few places in the US where their are always active snipers in the treeline. We got lost one time near there because we had to divert to go "the back way." The park ranger called us on our cell phone asking why we had not arrived yet at Camp David's gate. They were able to give us directions based on our location without us telling them where we were located. Tango 42 the Navy guys are lost again. I repeat, the Navy guys are lost. We need to pin the tail on the donkey. Roger that Tango 42. We are pinning the tail on the donkey.
"All black and foreboding, the thing sticks out of time with its wall hanging carriage and corded receiver. Rang like a stab in the ear. She was in the middle of saying it again. One of those memorable mother lines that had razor sharp claws and teeth to boot."
I changed "is stuck" to "sticks," but note how this slightly "burned" opening might be sexier and hook us better?
Only a few words? I must be doing better! Lol Thanks for giving it a read though. Always appreciated. This one is my doodle pad until I finish school. Just needs an ending. (Yes I have a clock it’s just underperforming for how it builds.)
Those few words at the beginning of a story/scene are more important than the rest of the entire book. They are that eye-catching glance across the crowded party.
I'm sorry for your loss. There is a theory that time is a constant but we experience only part of it at any one time. Thus the people we care about are always present.
Consider that this might be your sexier opening...
"JT made the long walk through the mud to get the rubber mat and the big wooden board he needed so that the backhoe didn’t fall into the trench of graves."
By opening with simple actions and objects... then ending on the word "graves" you send chills up my spine. Open with this and your readers will be enthralled.
Thanks! I'm going to revise to carry this through the story. I struggle sometimes with wanting to be explicit with the big points over fear it won't come through with the actions of characters.
Sending lots of love to you, Chuck and all those that Tom cared about to share his writing life with. I’m forever grateful to you, too. Sending heartfelt condolences.
I'm so sorry about Tom. When a true master sees our talent and champions us to realize it, isn’t it a bit like falling in love? We’re never the same again. It’s clear that Tom helped you become, well, you, and so I wonder that now that he’s gone, if you feel as if a part of you is gone too.
Were I Tom, I'd tell you that THIS is your sexy opening:
"That Madi owned a house with no spiders, hated spiders, spiders scared her."
Do you see how it creates mystery, yet it promises spiders. Like "The first rule of F/C is we don't talk about it." Saying "no spiders" baits us with the promise of something thrilling. Now, can you find a more tactile verb than "owned"?
Thank you so much! I rewrote my story based on your suggestion, and my family all vastly prefers the new one, which is here (no pressure to read it!) https://www.madisontaskett.com/nomad_fever_dream/
When I was a graduate student at Georgia State University, I worked as a transcriber for their years worth of backlogged oral history projects.
One of these projects was for a group called Gay Spirit Visions, a group of "back to nature" men who meet annually in North Carolina.
Almost without exception, most of them joined because they read 'The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon.' Tom even spoke at several of their retreats.
I listened to interview after interview of these guys talking about the book changed their whole outlook on life, and how they eagerly looked forward to meeting Tom who never let them down with his personality.
The following year, you released 'Consider This' with your own experiences with Tom.
Though I never met him, I know through countless hours of reading and listening, how profoundly he impacted SO many lives.
Thanks! I never told Tom, but whenever I rented an AirB&B overseas the place always had a copy of 'The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon" in the local language.
Regarding oral histories, check out the opening chapter of "In the Giant's House." It will make you laugh. And thank you for the photos of the library display. Wonderful.
"The way things are tonight, it’s me and my pet hamster running quality control together, right here in my makeshift office that used to be a broom closet under the stairs."
I'm not crazy about the "is" verbs, but the specifics jump out: Tonight, Hamster, Office, Broom closet. And the imperative "Look at us" is sexy and seems to include the reader in the "us." Tom would've loved that.
My man. I appreciate that, big time. And I see what you’re saying. The “Look at me/Be me/This is me/ is a recurring device, only it changes throughout (like the Skippers commercial)
Chorus isn’t the right word, but it’s the first one that comes to mind.
I added those changes to the opener, and tried to weed out the “is” a touch. Thanks again for the feedback. Tell me if this works. Be well, Professor P. We’re all here for you.
I am always grateful for you and Mr Spanbauer's time and effort. I did not know I was even a writer until I joined your substack. When I joined your substack I was a recently recovered junkie that was terrified about what life was going to look like next. Thank you and Mr Spanbauer for changing that. Life is so much more now.
Working on a short in 2nd person. Its not there yet. Will share it in the next call.
Chicago is going to be fun. Get to see a dear friend I havent seen in 20 years.
Bought 2 more of Toms books. Oh!I Bought my used copy of Shy Hunters a few months ago and it showed up signed and not addressed!!! I lucked out. Bummed I never got to meet him. Really connected with I Loved You More.
http://www.athinsliceofanxiety.com/2024/08/fiction-precious-memories.html?m=1 (http://www.athinsliceofanxiety.com/2024/08/fiction-precious-memories.html?m=1)
Hi Chuck, I’m very sorry to hear about Tom’s passing. He seemed like the most encouraging teacher of writing that there could be. I loved your anecdotes about him in “Consider This.”
This is a short piece I had published on a Transgressive website called “A Thin Slice of Anxiety.” I’d love to have it reviewed for Gloves Off.
Dude... Here's your lead. Fucking brilliant.
"The customers give me little hints of their own stories—leaving me to piece together the rest in my head. I’ll give you a good one from last week: this guy comes in wearing a blue plaid suit—very expensive-looking—and a matching scally cap. He looked like a true Irish mobster or a Bostonian ruffian who cleaned up his act and got into finance. He handed me a thumb drive and asked me to print everything on it."
Everything that came before this bit was what Tom called "Throat Clearing." But at this point you dig in with solid verbs: Give, Piece together, Comes in, Handed. Not a squishy 'is' or 'has' in the series. Everything before this was summarized, but here you hook us with a scene. Notice how, if you don't tell us it's a copy center, we're hooked more effectively. The active verbs hold us, even while we're unsure of the context.
Thank you so much, Chuck. I’m still trying to really get used to the active voice and putting the readers in scenes instead of just describing them. This truly means the world.
Always try to be more intuitive and less writerly. Just allow your shoulder strap to slip off. Like "Oopps."
I’m so sorry to hear about Tom, Chuck. It’s apparent that he left an immeasurable impression on you and so many others. Wishing healing and peace as you get ready to embark on your tour.
My local Barnes and Noble put out Shock Induction early. I feel like a law breaker reading it before the street date. Thank god all the secret government programs I was read into during my Navy days keep me off the FBI watchlists and put me straight on to the CIA watchlist instead. I bet the CIA agent shadowing me will get a kick out of your newest novel.
I enjoyed my time in your workshop. I think Tom would be proud of how you have paid it forward with all the workshops that your have run since the Dangerous Writing Days.
I hope to pay it forward once my success amhas caught up to my ambition. Thanks for everything Chuck.
It's those stories you tell about Camp David that will get you in trouble.
What happens at Camp David stays at Camp David.
It is one of the few places in the US where their are always active snipers in the treeline. We got lost one time near there because we had to divert to go "the back way." The park ranger called us on our cell phone asking why we had not arrived yet at Camp David's gate. They were able to give us directions based on our location without us telling them where we were located. Tango 42 the Navy guys are lost again. I repeat, the Navy guys are lost. We need to pin the tail on the donkey. Roger that Tango 42. We are pinning the tail on the donkey.
THOSE are the stories you will tell on the Rogan show someday.
Thanks for this post about your dear friend and mentor.
Again sorry for your loss, Chuck. I received my book the other day. Thank you very much!
I know you already did one of mine but I’ll throw another one in the ring, so to speak. https://open.substack.com/pub/atticusblake/p/abducted?r=sqvsi&utm_medium=ios
Would you consider leading with...
"All black and foreboding, the thing sticks out of time with its wall hanging carriage and corded receiver. Rang like a stab in the ear. She was in the middle of saying it again. One of those memorable mother lines that had razor sharp claws and teeth to boot."
I changed "is stuck" to "sticks," but note how this slightly "burned" opening might be sexier and hook us better?
Only a few words? I must be doing better! Lol Thanks for giving it a read though. Always appreciated. This one is my doodle pad until I finish school. Just needs an ending. (Yes I have a clock it’s just underperforming for how it builds.)
Those few words at the beginning of a story/scene are more important than the rest of the entire book. They are that eye-catching glance across the crowded party.
I'm sorry for your loss. There is a theory that time is a constant but we experience only part of it at any one time. Thus the people we care about are always present.
A story about Hart Island and Covid
https://docs.google.com/document/d/171uwFb9CAbPvM-V8Q7bXJ2YkNZ0aSIkwduSoJrYtw8E/edit?usp=drivesdk
Buddhism! Maybe not the Thai kind…
Consider that this might be your sexier opening...
"JT made the long walk through the mud to get the rubber mat and the big wooden board he needed so that the backhoe didn’t fall into the trench of graves."
By opening with simple actions and objects... then ending on the word "graves" you send chills up my spine. Open with this and your readers will be enthralled.
Thanks! I'm going to revise to carry this through the story. I struggle sometimes with wanting to be explicit with the big points over fear it won't come through with the actions of characters.
Never hesitate to start late and get out early.
Hey Chuck, so sorry for your loss.
It seems gauche to ask for a critique of a short story at a time like this, but here I am anyway.
https://writers.coverfly.com/projects/view/2df71802-50b3-412b-98ca-1030e7eeb9ba/The_Sacrifice
or
https://www.troyroemer.com/fiction/the-goodbye
<3
Argh, thanks, but I need a simpler way to access the story. Any suggestions?
Would a link to a Google Doc work? Sorry, I don't have a link to a more official publication, but this link can be shared far and wide. :D
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15A3yhJh3oxfFObQ2RjoQJtunzY-oKtBNbsId-6EhtOc/edit?usp=sharing
Sending lots of love to you, Chuck and all those that Tom cared about to share his writing life with. I’m forever grateful to you, too. Sending heartfelt condolences.
I'm so sorry about Tom. When a true master sees our talent and champions us to realize it, isn’t it a bit like falling in love? We’re never the same again. It’s clear that Tom helped you become, well, you, and so I wonder that now that he’s gone, if you feel as if a part of you is gone too.
To help keep you busy, here's a short piece inspired by me uprooting my life this summer and feeling lost and alive: https://www.madisontaskett.com/slc_fever_dream_pt1/
Were I Tom, I'd tell you that THIS is your sexy opening:
"That Madi owned a house with no spiders, hated spiders, spiders scared her."
Do you see how it creates mystery, yet it promises spiders. Like "The first rule of F/C is we don't talk about it." Saying "no spiders" baits us with the promise of something thrilling. Now, can you find a more tactile verb than "owned"?
Thank you so much! I rewrote my story based on your suggestion, and my family all vastly prefers the new one, which is here (no pressure to read it!) https://www.madisontaskett.com/nomad_fever_dream/
Thanks for making me a better writer!
When I was a graduate student at Georgia State University, I worked as a transcriber for their years worth of backlogged oral history projects.
One of these projects was for a group called Gay Spirit Visions, a group of "back to nature" men who meet annually in North Carolina.
Almost without exception, most of them joined because they read 'The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon.' Tom even spoke at several of their retreats.
I listened to interview after interview of these guys talking about the book changed their whole outlook on life, and how they eagerly looked forward to meeting Tom who never let them down with his personality.
The following year, you released 'Consider This' with your own experiences with Tom.
Though I never met him, I know through countless hours of reading and listening, how profoundly he impacted SO many lives.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thanks! I never told Tom, but whenever I rented an AirB&B overseas the place always had a copy of 'The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon" in the local language.
Regarding oral histories, check out the opening chapter of "In the Giant's House." It will make you laugh. And thank you for the photos of the library display. Wonderful.
https://alphabros.substack.com/p/chatter?r=yiw9o
Can you lead with:
"Look at us."
Then:
"The way things are tonight, it’s me and my pet hamster running quality control together, right here in my makeshift office that used to be a broom closet under the stairs."
I'm not crazy about the "is" verbs, but the specifics jump out: Tonight, Hamster, Office, Broom closet. And the imperative "Look at us" is sexy and seems to include the reader in the "us." Tom would've loved that.
My man. I appreciate that, big time. And I see what you’re saying. The “Look at me/Be me/This is me/ is a recurring device, only it changes throughout (like the Skippers commercial)
Chorus isn’t the right word, but it’s the first one that comes to mind.
See also: horses
See also: lymphoma
I use the Look at us/this is us/here we are/ etc… in later chapters.
I added those changes to the opener, and tried to weed out the “is” a touch. Thanks again for the feedback. Tell me if this works. Be well, Professor P. We’re all here for you.
This is part of same project.
https://open.substack.com/pub/alphabros/p/pitch?r=yiw9o&utm_medium=ios
I am always grateful for you and Mr Spanbauer's time and effort. I did not know I was even a writer until I joined your substack. When I joined your substack I was a recently recovered junkie that was terrified about what life was going to look like next. Thank you and Mr Spanbauer for changing that. Life is so much more now.
Working on a short in 2nd person. Its not there yet. Will share it in the next call.
Chicago is going to be fun. Get to see a dear friend I havent seen in 20 years.
Bought 2 more of Toms books. Oh!I Bought my used copy of Shy Hunters a few months ago and it showed up signed and not addressed!!! I lucked out. Bummed I never got to meet him. Really connected with I Loved You More.
"Just do it like your father wouldnt do it."
"If Im loving more than my father does, that makes me something he isnt. Which is, in my estimation of myself, a better man."
Wow.
The way I always put it was "He was a great example of how not to be."
Hope you’re doing okay, Chuck my friend…
I hope you can take some solace in knowing how well you exemplify Tom’s tenants of minimalism. He lives on through you, Professor P.
Rest easy, brother.
Thanks for sharing, Chuck. This story and all your stories.