"You can request to be served a specific type of Jell-O if you want, but I don’t."
It submerges the "I" and it's ambiguous. A little ambiguous is seductive. Does the narrator not want? Or does the narrator simply not request? Derrida talked about how the ambiguous drives us crazy. The zombie must be resolved as either living or dead. The specific of Jell-O gives us something to grasp. Good job.
Yes! This reminds me of how Joan Didion opens Play It As It Lays. "What makes Iago evil? some people ask. I never ask." You enter an in-progress situation, and your mind wants to "fill in the blanks," so you keep reading. P.S. When you fast before a colonoscopy, you're allowed to eat Jell-O, but not red Jell-O.
I’m actually quite fortunate to live in a little valley that was virtually untouched by the storm. Went without power for a week, but we had food and water and made some new friends. Now I’m just trying to help my community dig out and get back on their feet. It’s surreal to be sitting on my porch having a glass of whiskey, listening to mowers, smelling barbecues, while countless military helicopters zoom overhead.
I saw a video recently where Tom Spanbauer read his work aloud, and towards the end there was a section where the character sung. While reading that particular section aloud, be transitioned into the singing perfectly — something that I imagine other people reading work aloud would have struggled with — and I wondered if he had had a background in theatre.
Cannot wait to read the story destined to offend! I hope to be left with saw finger-joints from clutching my pearls so fervently
I’m trying to find a copy that isn’t like £50+ on EBay. As far as Tom Spanbauer’s body of work goes, so far I’ve only been able to get my hands on “The Man Who Fell In Love With The Moon”. That being said though, “I Loved you More” is definitely a book I’ve got my eyes peeled out for
I was sure you mentioned the Goldberg monologue on one with the episodes you did with Rogan, then I looked at the comment section and my suspicion was immediately confirmed
I’m pretty sure Shirley Jackson as a stand-up comic would leave people in tears (the blubbering, sniffly kind. Not the joyous belly-laughing kind)
I need to read this more fully later. Have you read much about quantum physics? The double slit experiment, that Newton was off but it's close enough for day to day work, etc. The more we know, the weirder the universe is.
Eric, with this article in mind. How would a schizophrenic write? That -- if you can be schizoid and tell a story -- might help you be more intuitive and get your plot across.
For my part, I'm fascinated by people who tell stories either by mid-winter fires or mid-summer campfires. Both those extremes seem synonymous with channeling stories.
Fascinating. Thank you. I've sometimes wondered how I could possibly have known about something I've written. I once wrote parallel stories about a stone mason in 1920 and a Neolithic man who both took stone from the same quarry, and they both believed that the stone 'spoke' to them as they worked. Years later I heard an archive recording of a mason who said that he could hear high-pitched sounds coming from stone just before it splits, so he knew how to work any piece of stone. This haunts me in a wonderful way.
Im going to butcher the explanation, but basically, it is the belief that everything in the universe contains consciousness, including stone.
I did one day building a drystone wall out of limestone from creek bottoms. That was enough for me. Bought a nice German rockhammer as a gift for Chuck last year then realized that lugging that around on tour would be impossible. So now I own a rock hammer.
Please ignore this piece, if its not already too late. Got some great feedback from the fellas today. Most importantly, I have to clarify the use of "We". It'll be a lot better in a few days.
I don't know how far you got but I was trying for a more modern version of Office Space with the protagonist coming apart at the seems due to the absurdity of modern culture.
Do you think there are any online courses that are like Tom’s workshop? I’ve taken a few over the years but I would love to find something similar.
And thank you for teaching us so much with your critiques of these stories. Each one takes a tremendous amount of your time and just know it’s very much appreciated.
I'm looking forward to the book tour and your new short story. I'll be the idiot in NYC who actually made a "Plot Spoiler" name tag. If you're from the writing group here please come say hi.
Rob, I gotta ask: Who's telling this story? For now it's very Modernist, in that each sentence only prompts us to read on for a teased-out reward. Having a POV character in mind -- and burning the language per that hidden narrator -- will give you confidence to reinvent the language.
I didn't really realize that the current narrator is third person, omniscient until you asked the question. But having a specific POV in the scenes would add more edge and perspective to this piece. I need to think which character, existing or new, would have a lens to all these events and what their involvement does to alter and/or enrichen things. A puzzler for the moment. Thanks for reading.
Here is the updated informed consent. Thanks for your feedback, hope my plane doesn’t get delayed because I’m looking forward to seeing you read this week!
If you find the time, here’s a link to my latest story. It wouldn’t be half what it is now if Craig, John, and Sean didn’t let me read it to them over and over.
My proverbial hat toss: https://open.substack.com/pub/brandanhingleylovatt/p/snip?r=t5ium&utm_medium=ios
And a proverbial underarm hat swing while I’m at it: https://open.substack.com/pub/brandanhingleylovatt/p/pilgrimage-to-the-range?r=t5ium&utm_medium=ios
Here's the first hook that caught me:
"You can request to be served a specific type of Jell-O if you want, but I don’t."
It submerges the "I" and it's ambiguous. A little ambiguous is seductive. Does the narrator not want? Or does the narrator simply not request? Derrida talked about how the ambiguous drives us crazy. The zombie must be resolved as either living or dead. The specific of Jell-O gives us something to grasp. Good job.
Thank you!
Yes! This reminds me of how Joan Didion opens Play It As It Lays. "What makes Iago evil? some people ask. I never ask." You enter an in-progress situation, and your mind wants to "fill in the blanks," so you keep reading. P.S. When you fast before a colonoscopy, you're allowed to eat Jell-O, but not red Jell-O.
Alright. My town is rubble, but my lawn is mowed and my wifi is working, so here goes: https://open.substack.com/pub/hessenwolf77/p/like-death-only-better?r=hcjz3&utm_medium=ios
Asheville?
Yup.
Damn. Sorry man. No pun intended.
I’m actually quite fortunate to live in a little valley that was virtually untouched by the storm. Went without power for a week, but we had food and water and made some new friends. Now I’m just trying to help my community dig out and get back on their feet. It’s surreal to be sitting on my porch having a glass of whiskey, listening to mowers, smelling barbecues, while countless military helicopters zoom overhead.
I saw a video recently where Tom Spanbauer read his work aloud, and towards the end there was a section where the character sung. While reading that particular section aloud, be transitioned into the singing perfectly — something that I imagine other people reading work aloud would have struggled with — and I wondered if he had had a background in theatre.
Cannot wait to read the story destined to offend! I hope to be left with saw finger-joints from clutching my pearls so fervently
I Loved You More is a great read.
Totally agree. Beautiful work.
I’m trying to find a copy that isn’t like £50+ on EBay. As far as Tom Spanbauer’s body of work goes, so far I’ve only been able to get my hands on “The Man Who Fell In Love With The Moon”. That being said though, “I Loved you More” is definitely a book I’ve got my eyes peeled out for
https://www.abebooks.co.uk/servlet/SearchResults?cm_sp=SearchF-_-topnav-_-Results&kn=I%20loved%20you%20more%20tom%20spanbauer&sts=t
Sweet! Thanks, dude
The goal is always to outdo Whoopi Goldberg's monologue. That and Shirley Jackson's 'The Lottery.'
Just imagine if Shirley Jackson was a stand-up comic...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpkpRo_XdEU
I was sure you mentioned the Goldberg monologue on one with the episodes you did with Rogan, then I looked at the comment section and my suspicion was immediately confirmed
I’m pretty sure Shirley Jackson as a stand-up comic would leave people in tears (the blubbering, sniffly kind. Not the joyous belly-laughing kind)
Im gonna put this one on Substack soon. https://docs.google.com/document/d/14BtTy_K_bPerc1XMJaITjEzsIjmkrJTvweR3AZrHBE0/edit?usp=drivesdk
Theres not much burnt tongue in this one. Just one word, actually. Too focused on the 2nd person mechanics.
You know how writers and other creatives always say that theyre a conduit or an antenna? That the creativity comes from the æther? Science is trying to prove it. Bobs onto something. https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/your-brain-is-not-a-computer-it-is-a-transducer
I need to read this more fully later. Have you read much about quantum physics? The double slit experiment, that Newton was off but it's close enough for day to day work, etc. The more we know, the weirder the universe is.
I am not familiar. Got a link?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NvzSLByrw4Q
https://youtu.be/spKlpexL_Hg?si=RNLAMU0eG8A3bL7_
Eric, with this article in mind. How would a schizophrenic write? That -- if you can be schizoid and tell a story -- might help you be more intuitive and get your plot across.
Funny you mention this. I recorded someone close to me who has schizoaffective disorder last weekend, for this exact reason.
Geez, this is a wonderful article.
For my part, I'm fascinated by people who tell stories either by mid-winter fires or mid-summer campfires. Both those extremes seem synonymous with channeling stories.
Ive got a million things to say on this subject. Maybe we'll remember to bring it up in Chicago.
Fascinating. Thank you. I've sometimes wondered how I could possibly have known about something I've written. I once wrote parallel stories about a stone mason in 1920 and a Neolithic man who both took stone from the same quarry, and they both believed that the stone 'spoke' to them as they worked. Years later I heard an archive recording of a mason who said that he could hear high-pitched sounds coming from stone just before it splits, so he knew how to work any piece of stone. This haunts me in a wonderful way.
Also see: panpsychism.
Im going to butcher the explanation, but basically, it is the belief that everything in the universe contains consciousness, including stone.
I did one day building a drystone wall out of limestone from creek bottoms. That was enough for me. Bought a nice German rockhammer as a gift for Chuck last year then realized that lugging that around on tour would be impossible. So now I own a rock hammer.
Please ignore this piece, if its not already too late. Got some great feedback from the fellas today. Most importantly, I have to clarify the use of "We". It'll be a lot better in a few days.
Now its about as good as I'm going to be able to get it without professional help. Bahdumtsss.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14BtTy_K_bPerc1XMJaITjEzsIjmkrJTvweR3AZrHBE0/edit?usp=sharing
I tried for a better opening sentence.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1El9PaTbVTAb_5TMY2rWcr4hnrLJE26anQC2Bb1GmDig/edit?usp=drivesdk
Keep looking. You might be hamstrung by third-person.
Ugh. Ok. Thanks.
It was a dark and stormy night.
No "was" allowed.
And relax, this is an Eliza Doolittle moment. When the dam breaks, you'll never look back.
Thanks.
I laughed!
I liked it. The opener reminds me of FridgeBro from 4chan. If you don’t know, don’t look it up… or do. 👹
Thanks. That certainly piques my curiosity.
It’s disgusting, and overwhelmingly sad. But it’s real…
I looked away in time before really seeing it.
I don't know how far you got but I was trying for a more modern version of Office Space with the protagonist coming apart at the seems due to the absurdity of modern culture.
I hear you, I just meant the botflies in the very beginning. FridgeBro starts his thread by saying they are in his face and mouth
I like what you have going on here though. It’s relatable and relevant, for sure
https://open.substack.com/pub/candicec/p/the-prophet-and-his-whales?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=ssxfh
Here's your killer sentence:
"Not everyone was able to hear the spaces in between his words."
Now, consider avoiding "is" and that might yield: Not everyone heard the spaces between his words.
Riff on that -- to avoid a character alone, and vary the pace:
Not everyone heard the spaces between his words. All she could hear was his spaces.
See how that becomes Lish's "Line of Flight"? Each odd sentences serves as the seed for the next.
Thank you!
This is a chapter from my Substack serial.
https://open.substack.com/pub/thedastimemachine/p/the-post-mortem-picture-deck-ch22-alison-bull?r=e338n&utm_medium=ios
Do you think there are any online courses that are like Tom’s workshop? I’ve taken a few over the years but I would love to find something similar.
And thank you for teaching us so much with your critiques of these stories. Each one takes a tremendous amount of your time and just know it’s very much appreciated.
Suzy seems to keep a lot of students, and she also studied with Gordon Lish. So you might look for Suzy Vitello.
Tom said that 99% of what a workshop should do is to just keep people writing.
Thank you! I will find Suzy.
Hi Chuck,
Here is another writing piece I offer universe. "What Billy Needs"
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bArpwNLnQhnRfAO5gapBWgPucyOMDcRrGMnIhcSk-q4/edit
I'm looking forward to the book tour and your new short story. I'll be the idiot in NYC who actually made a "Plot Spoiler" name tag. If you're from the writing group here please come say hi.
Go Zazzle DIY Name Badge Maker....
https://www.zazzle.com/pd/spp/pt-pvcinvitations_badge?dz=b7cd4f83-32f3-4712-9c51-a1523a0a9107&clone=true&pending=true&customize_it=true&style=horizontal&attachment=lanyard&design.areas=%5Bpvcinvitations_badge_horizontal_back_back%2Cpvcinvitations_badge_horizontal_front%5D&t_text2_txt=Rob%20Armstong%20-%20P.O.%20Box%207024%2C%20St.%20Davids%20PA%2019087&t_text3_txt=Rob%20Armstrong&t_text4_txt=Innocent%20Bystander&t_text5_txt=We%20all%20die.%20The%20goal%20isn%27t%0D%0Ato%20live%20forever%2C%20the%20goal%20%0D%0Ais%20to%20create%20something%20%0D%0Athat%20will%20-%20Chuck%20%20%0D%0APalahniuk&t_text6_txt=Plot%20Spo%21ler%20Newsletter&t_image1_iid=a1c1d97c-5ee1-4842-a193-39c2ff7e7d73&t_image3_iid=24fc1c4c-fa0e-46d8-8f71-987fb307f6d2&t_image6_iid=24fc1c4c-fa0e-46d8-8f71-987fb307f6d2&t_image8_iid=3ebb51b3-07cc-4b71-a5a0-fcc23f27f699&t_photo01_iid=eb22a121-4603-4eba-94f0-587b7b3bd9ed&social=true
Hah! The teacher who was suspended for recommending "Guts" to his student -- Mr. V -- is going to intro me at The Strand.
Rob, I gotta ask: Who's telling this story? For now it's very Modernist, in that each sentence only prompts us to read on for a teased-out reward. Having a POV character in mind -- and burning the language per that hidden narrator -- will give you confidence to reinvent the language.
I didn't really realize that the current narrator is third person, omniscient until you asked the question. But having a specific POV in the scenes would add more edge and perspective to this piece. I need to think which character, existing or new, would have a lens to all these events and what their involvement does to alter and/or enrichen things. A puzzler for the moment. Thanks for reading.
There is so much gold from Tom in this short reading.
If you’re thinking about reading this, don’t bother…
https://open.substack.com/pub/alphabros/p/pitch?r=yiw9o&utm_medium=ios
Hey. I like this. I relate to/think about this idea often. From Vikings to paperwork.
Haha. I likexthat.
Pillaging to programming
Also, thanks brother 🤝
Big time
Keep in mind, the opening line doesn't have to make sense. Look at the first lyric in good songs:
"How 'bout getting off of these antibiotics."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgpT5rEKIU
Another excerpt if you like: https://open.substack.com/pub/atticusblake/p/temet-nonce-know-thyself?r=sqvsi&utm_medium=ios
I read this one aloud to myself.
Here is the updated informed consent. Thanks for your feedback, hope my plane doesn’t get delayed because I’m looking forward to seeing you read this week!
https://open.substack.com/pub/aurimuir/p/chapter-one-informed-consent-d46?r=3o8z9t&utm_medium=ios
Hey Professor P, quick question: Are there any collections of Tom’s advice, or general knowledge on burning the language/or anything else?
Have a good tour!
If you find the time, here’s a link to my latest story. It wouldn’t be half what it is now if Craig, John, and Sean didn’t let me read it to them over and over.
https://open.substack.com/pub/mattandersen/p/light-without-violence?r=1epxph&utm_medium=ios
Here's one of my newer stories:
https://open.substack.com/pub/hamishkavanagh/p/the-scorpion-a-short-story?r=yo86p&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web