64 Comments
author

Underpants and a hammer. The best last-minute costume idea, ever.

Expand full comment

I once knew a kid who got his head smashed with a claw hammer while he was asleep. This memory came out of nowhere recently and deserves some writing. Now Im recalling that some drunk idiot kids tried to start a fight with me in the next county over because hammerhead, who is also John from Henry County, had stolen something from one of their friends. Ya know, because theres only one John allowed per county. Two Muhammads.

Expand full comment

That's quite the image you've just put in my head 😖😆

Expand full comment

The right front corner of his skull was kind of wavy looking after it healed. The outside corner of the eye near it sagged and was lifeless. Wonder whatever happened to Johnboy?

Update: John works at the Toyota plant and is a gym rat. His head/face looks a lot better than I recall it. Time has treated him well.

Expand full comment

"My culture is not your costume."

Expand full comment

I always look like trash. Why are you mad today?

Expand full comment

I’m mad because of the appropriation of a hammer and a pair of tighty whities being used as Halloween costume as it’s disrespectful to the British and their long-standing tradition of blah blah blah blah blah buzzword buzzword blah blah blah buzzword blah blah blah blah blah.

Expand full comment

Hammer pants were trademarked by MC Hammer in 1990. Hammer underpants, however.

Expand full comment

Pretty sure they were trademarked by the British Empire around 1588.

Expand full comment

What does Chuck hand out on Halloween? Whole candy bars? But I’m thinking it’s packages kids are unable to open without destroying them and inside are worry stones.

Expand full comment
author

Last year I gave out those little Whitman samplers the candy co wraps in Halloween paper.

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
author

Exactly. This year I'm reading each child a passage from John Donne. You should see how their eyes light up!

Expand full comment

Aw Chuck! Dost thou cruelly jest? “No man is an island” blew my undergraduate brain way back when

Expand full comment

Though, I must say his best work is probably the seduction poem,

The Flea, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46467/the-flea at least I remember that 20+ years later. How easy were those 17th century girls?

Expand full comment
author

That poem was the Rohypnol of its day. Equal to three Quaaludes.

Expand full comment
founding

Let those make-ups and masks scare the crap out of everyone until dawn. Then tomorrow we can go back to our usual frightening stuff.

Happy Halloween everyone! 👻 🎃

Expand full comment

Just finished I Loved You More and reeeeally want to know who Hank and Ruth actually are. Absolutely loved it. It was fascinating to see the tools Ive learned by proxy here, and in Pity the Reader, put to use in the teacher's teacher's writing writing.

Expand full comment
author

Hank was Peter Christopher, whose collected work was just reissued by 11:11 Press.

Expand full comment

Apparently, Campfires is the only thing that ever saw the light of day. Bummer. Seemed like he led an interesting existence. Also can't find any of her writing. Guess its best a mystery.

Expand full comment
author

Her name is Caroline, and I hesitate to invade her privacy.

Expand full comment

Of course. Was just hoping I could find some of her work as well.

Expand full comment

Happy Halloween 🎃 everyone!

Expand full comment
founding

I can’t tell if this is complimentary euphemism or just a really painful time. Happy Halloween!

Expand full comment

But we do need to talk about them Washington rubes who put up my tombstone on your property. In case they get me, Happy Halloween and belated anniversary.

Expand full comment
author

Wah!?

Expand full comment

Remember? End of the Halloween party we were eating sushi with our hands and you said, "you were supposed to be dead 2 hours ago."

Expand full comment
author

Did you see 'Dahmer'? That wasn't really sushi...

Expand full comment

Really? I don't remember too much other than the ice in the shower.

And you're not supposed to roofie yourself!

Expand full comment
Oct 31, 2022Liked by Chuck Palahniuk

Happy Halloween 🎃

Expand full comment

Happy Halloween! Even though I really don't know what it feels like.

Since reading the Suicide Club, I've become way more interrested in the Halloween-like Limnoids ( Limnoids right?) that bloom past midnight. Maybe one day, walking back home at three in the morning, someone hands me a business card that reads Fidelio! An Eyes Wide Shut like costume party must be out there somewhere! If not, I might wanna start one. Life's short.

Expand full comment
author

Hah! I just watched that (well, the first two-thirds) on Saturday night. As I comforted the dog during bursts of fireworks. What a great gimmick for a costume.

And your package goes out today. Fingers crossed.

Expand full comment

Fingers crossed.

Someone in the Kubrick society facebook group, had an incredible finding the other day. She found the actual shop where those masks were made. Including one thats an exact replica of the one worn by Tom Cruise. Its in Venice, Italy ( How can it not be). Type MasqueboutiqueVenise on google.

Expand full comment
author

Okay, latest news. A glitch in the US Postal Service prevents me from sending to you and the winner in The Netherlands. The post office is working on the issue. A slight delay.

Expand full comment

I hope they find a solution. A delay's no problem. Only death comes in a hurry!

But, if it couldn't be sent. I wouldn't mind someone else takes the prize.

Expand full comment

A neat last-minute Halloween costume idea: A name tag with "Tom Ripley" written on it and crossed out with Dickie Greenleaf written in cursive underneath.

Expand full comment

Alternatively: See nametag with Cornelius, Rupert, Balthazar, etc., written on it and crossed out with Tyler Durden written/scrawled underneath. Compliments any The Narrator/Jack Halloween costume.

Expand full comment

I'd like a world where everyday is Halloween and on Oct 31st every year, people all pretend to be normal and the world is just what it seems.

Expand full comment
founding

Happy Halloween!

Anybody have any good Halloween stories - real or fictional?

(p.s. Tonight we are giving the adults who come with their kids hot apple cider with rum. Yum....)

Expand full comment

For some real Halloween stories: https://wildalton.substack.com/p/the-halloween-memories-i-didnt-share

Expand full comment
founding

these are great true stories for Halloween - thanks for sharing your piece.

Expand full comment

Thanks for reading!

Expand full comment

For fictional, Stephen Graham Jones’ Universal Horror is fun: https://www.nightmare-magazine.com/fiction/universal-horror/

Expand full comment

Or if you got 2.99 or a kindle unlimited subscription, here’s a flash fiction Halloween anthology: https://www.amazon.com/Shallow-Waters-Special-Halloween-Supernatural-ebook/dp/B0BGYXGH4D/ which forgive the shameless self-promotion, but also includes some new fiction by me!

Expand full comment
founding

Shameless self-promotion is all good. We writers have to stick together. I just bought and sent to my kindle. I'm just getting into flash fiction.

Expand full comment

Yes! Please leave a review and mention me by name! Even if it leaves you scratching your head what the horror was!

Expand full comment
founding

no problem - will do.

Expand full comment
founding

cool - i'll read it. thanks.

Expand full comment
founding

Happy Halloween, Friends!!!

Expand full comment
Comment removed
Expand full comment

Happy Halloween (I'm writing today)

I would love to plan a flight ✈️ and hotel and come out to a Hindsight and maybe workshop combo one week in the next few months. Just trying to figure out what the schedule for each is.....................

P.S. The Millionaire may tag along.

P.P.S. Never not once had a single trick or treater because the driveway is hidden good. It really sucks......

Expand full comment

Haha! Happy Halloween, Chuck! Hope the ghost/scary stories night went well. Looking forward to the vids.

And if this is your first time at Underwear Hammer Fight Club, you have to underwear hammer.

Expand full comment
author

I should have the files for Halloween Story Nights later tonight. Cheers.

Expand full comment

Chuck, did you buy a big bag of candy for Trick or Treaters?

Expand full comment
author

Have you seen the price of candy this year? It's insane. And yes, I bought two bags from Safeway, and each cost $50. AND I'll likely take Ambien and eat them both.

Expand full comment

Holy shit. What bags did you buy that were $50?! I knew everything was getting more expensive but that's just bananas. They had to have been the 7 pound bags. At least. And please don't get sick on chocolate!

Expand full comment