33 Comments

*Groan.*

Here’s one for ya:

My nephew and I both suffer from incontinence. I guess you could say it runs in our jeans.

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Haha! This is sort of the opposite of a shaggy dog story: a joke that (if told aloud) ends sooner than you expect.

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A dyslexic walks into a bra

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The rabbit leaves the bar and comes back as a duck. The bartender asks, “Why’d you change from a rabbit?” The duck that was rabbit says, “Autocorrect told me to go duck myself.”

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I was fully expecting to see David Bowie's widow walk in with the crew as well.

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You know there are two typos of people in this world. Those who proofread, and those who don’t.

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What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

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Ha! I stopped drinking about a decade ago. A girl I dated was also sober and whenever anyone asked her what she’d have to drink she’d say, “I can’t. I’m allergic.”

Typically jaws would drop and the person would flip their lid exclaiming, “You can be allergic to alcohol??!” To which she’d reply, “Yes, I break out in handcuffs.” I still use that one. It never gets old.

My other favorite:

A man walks into a bar. He’s an alcoholic and is destroying the life of his family.

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There’s actually a few variations of the rabbit typo joke. Honestly, I’d be a millionhare for each one I pointed out.

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In keeping with the season:

You hear about the dyslexic Satanists? Turns out they accidentally summoned Santa.

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Reminds me of the time I was sitting on my grandma's lap and she popped a boner.

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Ain’t that the truth!

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Hahahjajajajajaa, I had to leave the room

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founding

That's cute!

🤣

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Nov 30, 2023Liked by Chuck Palahniuk

Why did the non-binary prospector go west?

They heard there was gold in them/their hills.

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