45 Comments

Kinda bored and never been to Spring Break

Expand full comment

Me either. I just partied all through high school to get it out of my system.

Expand full comment

I had an older boyfriend.....so I was drunk on 151 my entire senior year (but I skipped something like 93 days that year and they still wanted to pass me.....) and I'm thinking I could a get a younger boyfriend (or girlfriend) down there....... something is better than nothing.

Expand full comment

It's okay Karie, just put on a bikini and pick a fight with someone here in the comment section. Maybe Erin or Krissy, they will always come out swinging lol

Expand full comment

Nobody, not even myself, wants to see me in a bikini, trust. LMFAO

Expand full comment

And nobody fucks with me like ever....

Not even Bob who killed his parents like they killed Bruce Lee...true story lol

Expand full comment

Look, don't worry! We will all get blasted until we can't even spell bikini lol

Expand full comment
founding

So that's what people who like people-ing do for fun. Intriguing. 🤔🤣

Expand full comment

Would it be in vain to suggest a new rule of not throwing sand in your opponent’s eyes?

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
April 3, 2023
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

Just because Sand is spelt with an A and not an O doesn’t mean it should be headed in my direction.

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
April 3, 2023
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

It can be sonder if the thrown sand is revealed to be the scattered ashes of one of the spring breaker’s deceased friends.

Expand full comment

These Wise Onion rings are off the hook...

Expand full comment

The fight club reference is great.

This is why I read the post:

https://nypost.com/2023/04/03/i-have-two-vaginas-one-for-my-husband-and-one-for-work/

I remember when the first time that I saw an article on this lady and her genetic abnormality. It deserves its own short story.

Expand full comment

Wait, does she really have two vaginas?? Only saw the title while browsing YouTube. I thought it was a metaphor lol

Expand full comment

She does at that

Expand full comment

Yes, but they are behind the same labia. It's split down the middle. It's pretty common in women but it typically doesn't go all the way up to form two different vaginas (typically its only in the uterus). I just think it is an odd situation that is ripe for comedic exploration.

Honey, you just stuck your little man into my love tunnel that is for the fans. Remember your exclusive use love tunnel is on the left side because it's closer to my heart.

Expand full comment

One for babies, one for fun.

Expand full comment

Oh wow, it's true. It makes me think about that bird that builds a decoy entrance to their nest to trick predators.

Hah! You've discovered my false vagina.

Expand full comment

Wow! I'd actually pay for them to make a porn lol

Expand full comment
author

In Brit slang the term for a rover is "a dog with two dicks," meaning a guy who gets lots of action.

Expand full comment

I have a book in my Amazon shopping cart called, “The Great Book of American Idioms: A Dictionary of American Idioms, Sayings, Expressions & Phrases.” Now that I have a little more time to read I’m going to give it a shot after I finish, “The Passenger.”

Expand full comment

Ah, a fellow doubledickdude fan.

Expand full comment

Also see: doubledickdude on Reddit

Expand full comment
founding

I swear I saw a screen blip of Tyler Durden.

Expand full comment

Just call me an inmate on community service, cuz I'm tryna to pick up some of that hot, wet beach trash. 🔥 👙 👅 ⛱️ 🗑

Expand full comment
author

What? After you put the kibosh on all the hot-hotty crossfit guys?

Expand full comment
author

AND the massage therapist?!

Expand full comment
author

AND the blond sexy Jesus? You've turned away more hotness in a month than most of us see in a lifetime.

Expand full comment

I've decided that if I have to be single, I'd like to fail magnificently at it, so the stories to follow will be just as magnificent! Also, I was looking at these clowns, and thought how fun it would be to say I fucked our future president. I just know he's in this gaggle of goons.

If it makes you feel any better, my downward spiral is to your benefit. I've got a 24-year-old track star coming over to "watch Fight Club" for the first time this Sunday because he hasn't seen it yet.

Keeping the magic alive generation to generation. When it comes to love, or at least moderate like, what's give or take nine years, anyway? These boys need a mature woman to show them the way... to beating the shit out of each other.

Expand full comment
author

What?! If it's Steve Prefontaine or Jan-Michael Vincent, go for it. Even dead.

Expand full comment

I'd tell you his name if I could remember it. Forget governmental "assistance." The attractive unemployed really need to be granted governmental ASSISTANTS to keep track of their dates. If I heard back from as many jobs as I did horny men I'd be giving everyone from workshop a book advance and using himbos as footrests in Cabo.

Expand full comment

How do you feel about river trash? Theres a lot of old liquor bottle pieces that have been polished by the rocks. Good stuff.

Expand full comment

Id put on a bikini and fight my Dad for a book deal.

Expand full comment

That's a great start to a porno.

Expand full comment

Stepdad bdsm fight club. Straight to the front page of pornhub!

Expand full comment

Chuck, what do you feel when you see people still referencing Fight Club? Is there a wave of nostalgia? Does it reinvigorate you?

Expand full comment
author

We all want to put something lasting into the culture. And it bought me my freedom, for what it's worth.

Expand full comment

Dreamy

Expand full comment
founding

What happened to the good old bare knuckle fight?

Expand full comment

Pre covid, they were filming maybe a Moroccan version of Fight Club ( can only hope so), or just a scene that payed homage to the original story. I have no idea where the movie went. Was it abandoned? Filming was leaked, and the leak included a well made short clip showing two half naked, sweaty, bulky, head shaved, mean young adults having a bare knuckle fight. They were circled by shouting people. The setting was at a street corner, barely lit. And the color palette too resembled the ones from the David Lynch movie.

Fight Club has traveled well beyond Florida's Spring Break.

Expand full comment

How bout drunken Dostoyevsky-offs? That would be thrilling, too.

Expand full comment