The style of this story is probably different than what I usually read or write myself. And maybe that's also one of the reasons why I really enjoyed it so much.
Nice one, Jefferson. Well done, man.
Also, the illustration is a sheer beauty. Did you draw that too?
Incredible. There isn’t another author on your plane as generous with his time. It’s not in vain; there isn’t another on mine who takes it more seriously. My issues with narration and voice in this story are immediately clear. (They are knocking me between the eyes, gloves off.) Of course my mind is stuck there. I shall return to the rest. The feedback is precious. Thank you.
My favorite part was when I began to discover that the whole discombobulating, disorienting, dreamlike drive was Mr. Taylor being put to death by lethal injection!!!! Whattt!!????!! Woah.
Yes, it took me to the end and then another read to be Sure, but I loved how the meaning of the words changed the second time through--knowing what I knew.
I especially love the encounter with the bridge keepers. It terrifies me that when dying, one could be both so very alone or option 2, come across these men... Hard for me to explain eloquently, but in caveman: me like this part! keep. keep!
Chuck made some great notes about where your dialogue does a good job of increasing tension; a good lesson for me too. Also, Chuck had some great pointers about abstracts (something I am constantly consciously battling in my own writing).
I love Chuck's idea about a flashback while driving. Funny, I was just thinking about how your brain zones out on the highway sometimes and when you come to it's like ten miles later. But I would like to know a bit more about the character, and the flashback might be the place for it.
Thank you, Jefferson! Great job! Love the art too! There's a kid observing...Haunting!
For future Gloves Off stories, if we dislike some aspect and give our reason, are we allowed to voice that here? Everyone usually loves them and I don't wanna be the outlier lol
And I marvel at your ability to go through a story and find the positives. It's a skill that I wish I had. Usually the first encounter of boredom or complex sentence structure or long flashbacks tend to make me stop. But if I like the idea, I'll usually give it a second chance.
Question for Chuck. Have you thought about taking a short story, like something from Amy or Peter Christopher or Denis Johnson or Nami Mun and going through one of their stories in the Gloves Off format, giving your thoughts on what works in a short piece of theirs?
Loved the use of the Zeno-esque paradoxes sprinkled throughout the story: the endless multiplying of trees, the fractional turn of the wheels, etc.
As a reader, it added a fantastical element to the story without taking it completely out of reality, if that makes sense. There’s the looming sense that something isn’t quite right without you needing to address it. Hard to achieve (at least in my experience). Great job!
I think the idea of overexplaining is worth a lot more examination. How much is it necessary to tell the reader and how much to withhold? I remember when I started as a novelist I explained far too much. Now, ten novels on, I try and explain as little as possible without ever sacrificing clarity. Certainly over explaining - or too much voice - is one of the main difficulties that novice writers struggle with. Thanks Chuck.
Quick idea, Chuck: I often find myself with questions I’d like to ask you, and nowhere to ask them. Might you consider a weekly or monthly “office hours” type open post on here for collecting craft questions that don’t fit anywhere else?
The one that’s been on my mind for a couple weeks is: How would you write Dune? Doesn’t have to be Dune, but I’m just thinking about expansive, operatic, philosophical, geopolitical type books, and the question is: in an alternate universe where you had written Dune, what would that book be like? How would you have successfully connected the visceral, present, on-the-body stuff to the Big Idea stuff? What would be different in that version of Dune? What would you have to change in your normal habits or style to accommodate a story like that?
This is an example of the type of question an open Q&A thread might accommodate.
I loved how dreamy this was throughout. It gave me Tim Burton vibes! Especially loved the mystical description of what lies past the bridge. Very creative imagery to come up with. One of my favorite things is when a story can go into a zone of modern folklore. Very awesome. And the end gave me this great rush when I realized what was actually happening. Where the character was, and how he’s snapping in between two states of consciousness. Again, super creative.
I've been reading Haruki Murakami's Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, and it gave me that kind of vibe. That otherworldly dream kinda thing. That, and the dialogue gave me No Country for Old Men tension.
Really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed the slightly less minimal approach.
Awesome work.
And also, I'd wipe wrist to elbow. But like other people have said, probably more finger to wrist.
Do you wipe from elbow to wrist? Or from wrist to elbow? Weigh in.
The style of this story is probably different than what I usually read or write myself. And maybe that's also one of the reasons why I really enjoyed it so much.
Nice one, Jefferson. Well done, man.
Also, the illustration is a sheer beauty. Did you draw that too?
Incredible. There isn’t another author on your plane as generous with his time. It’s not in vain; there isn’t another on mine who takes it more seriously. My issues with narration and voice in this story are immediately clear. (They are knocking me between the eyes, gloves off.) Of course my mind is stuck there. I shall return to the rest. The feedback is precious. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your story, Jefferson!
My favorite part was when I began to discover that the whole discombobulating, disorienting, dreamlike drive was Mr. Taylor being put to death by lethal injection!!!! Whattt!!????!! Woah.
Yes, it took me to the end and then another read to be Sure, but I loved how the meaning of the words changed the second time through--knowing what I knew.
I especially love the encounter with the bridge keepers. It terrifies me that when dying, one could be both so very alone or option 2, come across these men... Hard for me to explain eloquently, but in caveman: me like this part! keep. keep!
Chuck made some great notes about where your dialogue does a good job of increasing tension; a good lesson for me too. Also, Chuck had some great pointers about abstracts (something I am constantly consciously battling in my own writing).
I love Chuck's idea about a flashback while driving. Funny, I was just thinking about how your brain zones out on the highway sometimes and when you come to it's like ten miles later. But I would like to know a bit more about the character, and the flashback might be the place for it.
Thank you, Jefferson! Great job! Love the art too! There's a kid observing...Haunting!
For future Gloves Off stories, if we dislike some aspect and give our reason, are we allowed to voice that here? Everyone usually loves them and I don't wanna be the outlier lol
And I marvel at your ability to go through a story and find the positives. It's a skill that I wish I had. Usually the first encounter of boredom or complex sentence structure or long flashbacks tend to make me stop. But if I like the idea, I'll usually give it a second chance.
And in other news, I can sub to you again.
Yay!!
Question for Chuck. Have you thought about taking a short story, like something from Amy or Peter Christopher or Denis Johnson or Nami Mun and going through one of their stories in the Gloves Off format, giving your thoughts on what works in a short piece of theirs?
Loved the use of the Zeno-esque paradoxes sprinkled throughout the story: the endless multiplying of trees, the fractional turn of the wheels, etc.
As a reader, it added a fantastical element to the story without taking it completely out of reality, if that makes sense. There’s the looming sense that something isn’t quite right without you needing to address it. Hard to achieve (at least in my experience). Great job!
Just ordered two books off Amazon. I'm getting them on the 6th. Make Something Up and The Collected Stories of Amy Hempel.
I think the idea of overexplaining is worth a lot more examination. How much is it necessary to tell the reader and how much to withhold? I remember when I started as a novelist I explained far too much. Now, ten novels on, I try and explain as little as possible without ever sacrificing clarity. Certainly over explaining - or too much voice - is one of the main difficulties that novice writers struggle with. Thanks Chuck.
Great job Jefferson, and thank you so much Chuck!
Quick idea, Chuck: I often find myself with questions I’d like to ask you, and nowhere to ask them. Might you consider a weekly or monthly “office hours” type open post on here for collecting craft questions that don’t fit anywhere else?
The one that’s been on my mind for a couple weeks is: How would you write Dune? Doesn’t have to be Dune, but I’m just thinking about expansive, operatic, philosophical, geopolitical type books, and the question is: in an alternate universe where you had written Dune, what would that book be like? How would you have successfully connected the visceral, present, on-the-body stuff to the Big Idea stuff? What would be different in that version of Dune? What would you have to change in your normal habits or style to accommodate a story like that?
This is an example of the type of question an open Q&A thread might accommodate.
How do you feel about writers submitting flash fiction type stuff for Gloves Off?
500
1000
or 1500 words
I loved how dreamy this was throughout. It gave me Tim Burton vibes! Especially loved the mystical description of what lies past the bridge. Very creative imagery to come up with. One of my favorite things is when a story can go into a zone of modern folklore. Very awesome. And the end gave me this great rush when I realized what was actually happening. Where the character was, and how he’s snapping in between two states of consciousness. Again, super creative.
Ah man, this was so good!
I've been reading Haruki Murakami's Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, and it gave me that kind of vibe. That otherworldly dream kinda thing. That, and the dialogue gave me No Country for Old Men tension.
Really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed the slightly less minimal approach.
Awesome work.
And also, I'd wipe wrist to elbow. But like other people have said, probably more finger to wrist.