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Kris Mole's avatar

So happy to be seeing some of my favourite people receiving the exposure they deserve, thank you Chuck, you are doing the world a favour!

Anyone who isn't already subscribed to Maegan's substack really should be. Same goes for Kerri's. Great writing on both counts.

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Maegan Heil's avatar

Pinch yourself.

Yep, you’re really here. Really reading feedback on your story from Chuck The Legend Palahniuk.

Chuck, thank you so much for taking the time to help me improve my writing. Excellent points.

I too was worried about the story still having legs if the reader had not known about the radioactive prompt. Your suggestion about the thumbnail/fingernails falling off is brilliant. For one, whole nails coming off is practically my least favorite thing that can happen to a body (just typing this makes me cringe), and for two, that detail will really help to set the tone (hi folks, horror story here!) And the glowing Josie in ceramics. Bringing the roses in more… Great suggestions!

I also spent a lot of time him-hawing over which tense to use for the flashback to ceramics class. Sometimes I’ve heard people tell stories in this way: “And I SAYS to him, blah blah blah” and so part of me was trying to emulate that a bit and the other part was trying not to lose story momentum by going into past-tense flashback. But it helps to get your read on it, and maybe it is OK to use the past tense after all.

Thank you for the reminders:

-Include attributions

-Don’t evaluate for the reader

-Gerunds, check (Although I may have sort of intentionally put these in my latest story on the new call--eek!)

-Abstracts: This one is big. Thanks so much for pointing some of these out. Sometimes in my head I get so used to looking at something one way that I don’t even realize it is abstract!

You suggested using the tv show Hee Haw to measure time (loved that show as a kid!) Is to OK to use names of real TV shows/radio songs in fiction? I’ve always worried this might be faux pas. Should I be dating my story with a show from a different decade?

Thank you for the rose symbolism information.

Finally, Josie and the queef. Yes, she is meant to literally be on the floor like, here listen to the sound I can make with my body. Josie is meant to be a little wild, but in a lovable way. The narrator looks up to her, thinks of her as a legend. I put the search history thing in because in the days of internet, I worry people would say, why didn’t she just look it up on the internet. Well, 'cause she didn’t want her strict mom to find out, that's why... But noted to revisit this section and work it out better.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

This feedback is so incredibly helpful, valuable, and I cannot say enough how glad I am that you are offering this learning opportunity.

Have a great weekend,

Maegan

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