I was throwing people a bone when I finally announced "... it wasn't a snake. It was my large intestine pulled out of me." By that point the audience had guessed the nature of the situation, and stating the obvious cut the tension and fear.
It's kind of like when you finally see the monster in Act 2 of a film. Your suspicions are confirmed so you can breathe easy for a moment and think, 'Okay, so I know the worst.' Then you ramp up the tension again for the climax to blindside the viewer/reader.
Thanks for disecting Rabbi-iblis story and sharing it for our lesson. He shared it with us on Discord so I had the opportunity to read it on there. I really enjoyed the feedback and will use your guidance to improve my current work in progress. Thank you Rabbi-iblis for writing and sharing your story.
It's an unbelievable honor that you took the time to look at my stuff. Thank you. I sensed that I summarize a lot, and had no clue how to move forward. Your feedback is the benchmark for me now. Again, I can't thank you enough 🙏.
Hi, Rabbi-Iblis. I'm only now catching up on Chuck's Substack, so this is coming months after the fact...but I just read your story and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it. The idea of exploring the origins of a killer machine as if it's a human serial killer is one of those "Damn I wish I had thought of that!" ideas. Can't wait to read more of your work!
Nice job, Rabbi-iblis! It is a hundred degrees outside, and my AC is broke. So for the next six hours I'll be in my car, circling three or four of my area's small towns. l'll write you up something more substantial this evening after the thermometer dips back down to 90. Haha! :) :) :)
Hey Rabbi-iblis! Thank you for sharing The Very Very Wicked Press Machine Files with us.
P1 - Funny headlines. Love ‘em.
P2 - Uh-huh…yes…
P3 - Aaaannnnd I’m in. Here at paragraph three, I’m ready to delve into this story. I’m seeing more and more how starting “in-scene” pulls in dim readers such as myself. :) :) I will be the first to admit, I am a lazy reader and easily board. Somehow though, that doesn’t stop my own tendency to start in Big Voice—but now that I am aware of this, I simply go back and re-start in a dramatized scene. In this paragraph, paragraph 3, I’m hooked because, thanks to your verbs, I feel like I’m the one going up the escalator to the 4th floor office. What's up there, I wonder!
I’m digging the “crew” on scene for an interview. I love the line, “Rolling in 3, 2, 1 John gives me the go.” And then you go into this reporter-ish style. Very cool. I’d love to see something happen that interrupts a take or two maybe to break up the narration? More film crew lingo might be fun too, and a good opportunity to show characters’ personalities—is someone obsessed with hair? Is the crew a bunch of goofballs? Etc. etc.
You’ve got the background of the machine’s wickedness well thought out. I think this will be a really fun story after you add some different textures to it!
Thanks so much for sharing, and looking forward to seeing where you take it!
Chuck, why is it that “Physical action will hold your reader’s attention better than anything else?” Is it because our brains activate as though we are going through the action ourselves?
Thanks for the feedback. You made some interesting points, like the film crew lingo!! Why didn't I think about that? Also, It seems that paragraph 3 is bit more solid than the rest.. overall it needs a handful of shakes. I'm on it.
In my understanding, physical action is key because it's another way of "showing" rather than "telling." My strength (I think) is dialogue, and I tend to skimp on setting in my first drafts. I write a lot of scenes like screenplays, where the dialogue moves the plot and action and the physical actions of the characters ground the readers in the scene. Just my two cents.
Thank you for your thoughts. Recently I have been moving away from dialogue because…I can’t remember why but it probably had to do with Chuck. Chuck??!! Are you out there??? Haha.
I was throwing people a bone when I finally announced "... it wasn't a snake. It was my large intestine pulled out of me." By that point the audience had guessed the nature of the situation, and stating the obvious cut the tension and fear.
It's a short story in the collection 'The Night Shift.' And 'to throw a bone' means to make a concession.
Maybe to give the reader a little win and confirm what they already thought. That way they could feel smart or as a reward.
It's kind of like when you finally see the monster in Act 2 of a film. Your suspicions are confirmed so you can breathe easy for a moment and think, 'Okay, so I know the worst.' Then you ramp up the tension again for the climax to blindside the viewer/reader.
“Summary comes later so you can corral the readers who aren’t as bright.”
I find this to be a great summary.
Thanks for disecting Rabbi-iblis story and sharing it for our lesson. He shared it with us on Discord so I had the opportunity to read it on there. I really enjoyed the feedback and will use your guidance to improve my current work in progress. Thank you Rabbi-iblis for writing and sharing your story.
It's an unbelievable honor that you took the time to look at my stuff. Thank you. I sensed that I summarize a lot, and had no clue how to move forward. Your feedback is the benchmark for me now. Again, I can't thank you enough 🙏.
Hi, Rabbi-Iblis. I'm only now catching up on Chuck's Substack, so this is coming months after the fact...but I just read your story and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it. The idea of exploring the origins of a killer machine as if it's a human serial killer is one of those "Damn I wish I had thought of that!" ideas. Can't wait to read more of your work!
Thank you, you're being so generous with praise I don't merit yet. But, I'll gladly accept it.
Have a great day!
You absolutely do!
You have a great day too. :)
Nice job, Rabbi-iblis! It is a hundred degrees outside, and my AC is broke. So for the next six hours I'll be in my car, circling three or four of my area's small towns. l'll write you up something more substantial this evening after the thermometer dips back down to 90. Haha! :) :) :)
A 100+ degrees here as well, Oh! the things I would give away for a week trip to Antarctica.
Stay safe. Any feedback is welcomed.
Hey Rabbi-iblis! Thank you for sharing The Very Very Wicked Press Machine Files with us.
P1 - Funny headlines. Love ‘em.
P2 - Uh-huh…yes…
P3 - Aaaannnnd I’m in. Here at paragraph three, I’m ready to delve into this story. I’m seeing more and more how starting “in-scene” pulls in dim readers such as myself. :) :) I will be the first to admit, I am a lazy reader and easily board. Somehow though, that doesn’t stop my own tendency to start in Big Voice—but now that I am aware of this, I simply go back and re-start in a dramatized scene. In this paragraph, paragraph 3, I’m hooked because, thanks to your verbs, I feel like I’m the one going up the escalator to the 4th floor office. What's up there, I wonder!
I’m digging the “crew” on scene for an interview. I love the line, “Rolling in 3, 2, 1 John gives me the go.” And then you go into this reporter-ish style. Very cool. I’d love to see something happen that interrupts a take or two maybe to break up the narration? More film crew lingo might be fun too, and a good opportunity to show characters’ personalities—is someone obsessed with hair? Is the crew a bunch of goofballs? Etc. etc.
You’ve got the background of the machine’s wickedness well thought out. I think this will be a really fun story after you add some different textures to it!
Thanks so much for sharing, and looking forward to seeing where you take it!
Chuck, why is it that “Physical action will hold your reader’s attention better than anything else?” Is it because our brains activate as though we are going through the action ourselves?
Thanks for the feedback. You made some interesting points, like the film crew lingo!! Why didn't I think about that? Also, It seems that paragraph 3 is bit more solid than the rest.. overall it needs a handful of shakes. I'm on it.
In my understanding, physical action is key because it's another way of "showing" rather than "telling." My strength (I think) is dialogue, and I tend to skimp on setting in my first drafts. I write a lot of scenes like screenplays, where the dialogue moves the plot and action and the physical actions of the characters ground the readers in the scene. Just my two cents.
Thank you for your thoughts. Recently I have been moving away from dialogue because…I can’t remember why but it probably had to do with Chuck. Chuck??!! Are you out there??? Haha.
You’re right—grounding the reader in the scene is important, and yeah so physical action is the way.
Yay! I got something right. 😅