Thanks for disecting Rabbi-iblis story and sharing it for our lesson. He shared it with us on Discord so I had the opportunity to read it on there. I really enjoyed the feedback and will use your guidance to improve my current work in progress. Thank you Rabbi-iblis for writing and sharing your story.
It's an unbelievable honor that you took the time to look at my stuff. Thank you. I sensed that I summarize a lot, and had no clue how to move forward. Your feedback is the benchmark for me now. Again, I can't thank you enough 🙏.
Nice job, Rabbi-iblis! It is a hundred degrees outside, and my AC is broke. So for the next six hours I'll be in my car, circling three or four of my area's small towns. l'll write you up something more substantial this evening after the thermometer dips back down to 90. Haha! :) :) :)
Hey Rabbi-iblis! Thank you for sharing The Very Very Wicked Press Machine Files with us.
P1 - Funny headlines. Love ‘em.
P2 - Uh-huh…yes…
P3 - Aaaannnnd I’m in. Here at paragraph three, I’m ready to delve into this story. I’m seeing more and more how starting “in-scene” pulls in dim readers such as myself. :) :) I will be the first to admit, I am a lazy reader and easily board. Somehow though, that doesn’t stop my own tendency to start in Big Voice—but now that I am aware of this, I simply go back and re-start in a dramatized scene. In this paragraph, paragraph 3, I’m hooked because, thanks to your verbs, I feel like I’m the one going up the escalator to the 4th floor office. What's up there, I wonder!
I’m digging the “crew” on scene for an interview. I love the line, “Rolling in 3, 2, 1 John gives me the go.” And then you go into this reporter-ish style. Very cool. I’d love to see something happen that interrupts a take or two maybe to break up the narration? More film crew lingo might be fun too, and a good opportunity to show characters’ personalities—is someone obsessed with hair? Is the crew a bunch of goofballs? Etc. etc.
You’ve got the background of the machine’s wickedness well thought out. I think this will be a really fun story after you add some different textures to it!
Thanks so much for sharing, and looking forward to seeing where you take it!
Chuck, why is it that “Physical action will hold your reader’s attention better than anything else?” Is it because our brains activate as though we are going through the action ourselves?
“Summary comes later so you can corral the readers who aren’t as bright.”
I find this to be a great summary.
Thanks for disecting Rabbi-iblis story and sharing it for our lesson. He shared it with us on Discord so I had the opportunity to read it on there. I really enjoyed the feedback and will use your guidance to improve my current work in progress. Thank you Rabbi-iblis for writing and sharing your story.
It's an unbelievable honor that you took the time to look at my stuff. Thank you. I sensed that I summarize a lot, and had no clue how to move forward. Your feedback is the benchmark for me now. Again, I can't thank you enough 🙏.
Nice job, Rabbi-iblis! It is a hundred degrees outside, and my AC is broke. So for the next six hours I'll be in my car, circling three or four of my area's small towns. l'll write you up something more substantial this evening after the thermometer dips back down to 90. Haha! :) :) :)
Hey Rabbi-iblis! Thank you for sharing The Very Very Wicked Press Machine Files with us.
P1 - Funny headlines. Love ‘em.
P2 - Uh-huh…yes…
P3 - Aaaannnnd I’m in. Here at paragraph three, I’m ready to delve into this story. I’m seeing more and more how starting “in-scene” pulls in dim readers such as myself. :) :) I will be the first to admit, I am a lazy reader and easily board. Somehow though, that doesn’t stop my own tendency to start in Big Voice—but now that I am aware of this, I simply go back and re-start in a dramatized scene. In this paragraph, paragraph 3, I’m hooked because, thanks to your verbs, I feel like I’m the one going up the escalator to the 4th floor office. What's up there, I wonder!
I’m digging the “crew” on scene for an interview. I love the line, “Rolling in 3, 2, 1 John gives me the go.” And then you go into this reporter-ish style. Very cool. I’d love to see something happen that interrupts a take or two maybe to break up the narration? More film crew lingo might be fun too, and a good opportunity to show characters’ personalities—is someone obsessed with hair? Is the crew a bunch of goofballs? Etc. etc.
You’ve got the background of the machine’s wickedness well thought out. I think this will be a really fun story after you add some different textures to it!
Thanks so much for sharing, and looking forward to seeing where you take it!
Chuck, why is it that “Physical action will hold your reader’s attention better than anything else?” Is it because our brains activate as though we are going through the action ourselves?