Excellent beginning. And excellent feedback. Good stuff.
I really liked the idea of pairing California with Louisiana. This seems to be such a great contrast between the glamour of California and the swampy boonies of Louisiana. I feel like there is so much that can be unpacked there as a theme.
I found the whole concept intriguing and I’m really curious as to why Jonas was in California. Was he trying to become an actor? Did he have some sort of grandiose vision for his future away from Louisiana? It all seems to suggest he was searching for a way out and a way to be independent and that it just never worked out.
As a guy who used to drink and used to combine alcohol with sleeping pills, I found that line to be something I could really relate to. It hit close to home. I think back on how I was back then. I was depressed and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had anger and extreme anxiety. Is this a place that this character is at? Looking forward to hearing more.
yay! thanks for reading and offering this incredibly useful feedback, chuck :)
Thanks for sharing that with all of us. I was wondering if you know yet whether Larissa is significant to the story, or if she is just an ornament in Clint’s life (like his cars etc)?
Hi Brock! Thanks for sharing with us. I was very interested in the digging in the back yard. I wonder what would happen if you start with the digging and then circle back through how he got there and then end with the digging (if that makes any sense lol) like a circle story? I’d also love to see that cat mess things up haha! I’m also very interested in learning more (gradually) about the family business...what secrets await??!! Looking forward to seeing where you take it!
Yes Chuck pointed out my question - what's at stake here? Jonas doesn't seem to be very upset to be going home at the age of 29. Did he give up on a dream of making it as a ....? Or where's the girl friend or buddies? Wouldn't they try to keep Jonas away from going home to Daddy? Other than that, this is well written and I'm curious .... are they going to start digging?