Yup! The way that I understand "tennis match dialog" is when in dialog between two characters one person "serves" the question and the other person "returns" the response. A direct back and forth where each question asked is answered and resolved. This is really boring to read and is not actually how people communicate. The solution is to have the person evade the question, or change the topic, or respond defensively, or misunderstand, etc.
What Chuck is doing here by saying "No, really, what are you asking?" is an example of that. Whereas, what I did here is a "tennis match" response.
(seriously, I'm just going to evade, antagonize and sidestep your questions. Each miscommunication or unresolved question raises the tension in a way that tennis match dialog cannot.)
I really liked the idea of pairing California with Louisiana. This seems to be such a great contrast between the glamour of California and the swampy boonies of Louisiana. I feel like there is so much that can be unpacked there as a theme.
I found the whole concept intriguing and I’m really curious as to why Jonas was in California. Was he trying to become an actor? Did he have some sort of grandiose vision for his future away from Louisiana? It all seems to suggest he was searching for a way out and a way to be independent and that it just never worked out.
As a guy who used to drink and used to combine alcohol with sleeping pills, I found that line to be something I could really relate to. It hit close to home. I think back on how I was back then. I was depressed and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had anger and extreme anxiety. Is this a place that this character is at? Looking forward to hearing more.
I like the POV suggestion of staying closer to Jonas, either via third person limited or first person. Getting deeper into his psyche might bring to him life more. As it reads, I'm more interested in Clint.
Thanks for sharing that with all of us. I was wondering if you know yet whether Larissa is significant to the story, or if she is just an ornament in Clint’s life (like his cars etc)?
As currently written, Larissa plays a somewhat significant role within the story! She has been a fun character to write so far, largely playing a straight-man role to Clint's more eccentric behavior.
Hi Brock! Thanks for sharing with us. I was very interested in the digging in the back yard. I wonder what would happen if you start with the digging and then circle back through how he got there and then end with the digging (if that makes any sense lol) like a circle story? I’d also love to see that cat mess things up haha! I’m also very interested in learning more (gradually) about the family business...what secrets await??!! Looking forward to seeing where you take it!
I like this idea. Begin with something mysterious, or with a clear action scene, which will propel us into the scene/world more quickly. Also, you might have fun juxtaposing the experience of the dreadful humidity in the opening, with his fears of the dreadful humidity while he's talking to his dad.
Yes Chuck pointed out my question - what's at stake here? Jonas doesn't seem to be very upset to be going home at the age of 29. Did he give up on a dream of making it as a ....? Or where's the girl friend or buddies? Wouldn't they try to keep Jonas away from going home to Daddy? Other than that, this is well written and I'm curious .... are they going to start digging?
Okay, ask me a question, or begin a conversation here.
No, really, what are you asking?
Chuck seems to be effectively driving his point home here. By now, I'm begging for a cathartic resolution!
Yup! The way that I understand "tennis match dialog" is when in dialog between two characters one person "serves" the question and the other person "returns" the response. A direct back and forth where each question asked is answered and resolved. This is really boring to read and is not actually how people communicate. The solution is to have the person evade the question, or change the topic, or respond defensively, or misunderstand, etc.
What Chuck is doing here by saying "No, really, what are you asking?" is an example of that. Whereas, what I did here is a "tennis match" response.
(seriously, I'm just going to evade, antagonize and sidestep your questions. Each miscommunication or unresolved question raises the tension in a way that tennis match dialog cannot.)
I’m signed up for Suzy’s Vitello’s LitReactor on dialogue in the fall and look forward to hammering this concept into my noggin!
Although my Three-Year-Old is a pretty good teacher at this concept as well. For example:
Me: Where are your shoes?
Three-Year-Old: I have an idea! How big are my tomatoes?
Me: Not big enough to eat. Where are your shoes?
Three-Year-Old: Oh--I know. Are my pumpkins growing?
Me: Shoes, boy. Where are your shoes?
Three-Year-Old: Oh! I have to water them.
This can go on for hours, trust me...
Excellent beginning. And excellent feedback. Good stuff.
I really liked the idea of pairing California with Louisiana. This seems to be such a great contrast between the glamour of California and the swampy boonies of Louisiana. I feel like there is so much that can be unpacked there as a theme.
I found the whole concept intriguing and I’m really curious as to why Jonas was in California. Was he trying to become an actor? Did he have some sort of grandiose vision for his future away from Louisiana? It all seems to suggest he was searching for a way out and a way to be independent and that it just never worked out.
As a guy who used to drink and used to combine alcohol with sleeping pills, I found that line to be something I could really relate to. It hit close to home. I think back on how I was back then. I was depressed and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had anger and extreme anxiety. Is this a place that this character is at? Looking forward to hearing more.
yay! thanks for reading and offering this incredibly useful feedback, chuck :)
I like the POV suggestion of staying closer to Jonas, either via third person limited or first person. Getting deeper into his psyche might bring to him life more. As it reads, I'm more interested in Clint.
Thanks for sharing that with all of us. I was wondering if you know yet whether Larissa is significant to the story, or if she is just an ornament in Clint’s life (like his cars etc)?
As currently written, Larissa plays a somewhat significant role within the story! She has been a fun character to write so far, largely playing a straight-man role to Clint's more eccentric behavior.
Hi Brock! Thanks for sharing with us. I was very interested in the digging in the back yard. I wonder what would happen if you start with the digging and then circle back through how he got there and then end with the digging (if that makes any sense lol) like a circle story? I’d also love to see that cat mess things up haha! I’m also very interested in learning more (gradually) about the family business...what secrets await??!! Looking forward to seeing where you take it!
I like this idea. Begin with something mysterious, or with a clear action scene, which will propel us into the scene/world more quickly. Also, you might have fun juxtaposing the experience of the dreadful humidity in the opening, with his fears of the dreadful humidity while he's talking to his dad.
hey meagan!
wow, i really like your idea for the opening structure. thanks so much for your thoughts. i’ll try that out and see where it goes!
Sure thing! Hope to read your next draft!
maegan** oops!
Yes Chuck pointed out my question - what's at stake here? Jonas doesn't seem to be very upset to be going home at the age of 29. Did he give up on a dream of making it as a ....? Or where's the girl friend or buddies? Wouldn't they try to keep Jonas away from going home to Daddy? Other than that, this is well written and I'm curious .... are they going to start digging?