How do you know when your specificity is serving a purpose for the story rather than being specific for the sake of it? Cause I always feel like I'm doing the latter.
Also, does a story have to open immediately with action and physicality? The story I'm working on, the second paragraph goes into a scene with action. But the first paragraph hints at a long-standing problem with a promise of something new.
Yeah there was a line in mine that you crossed out -- I think it was something like “what a load of shit” or something like that. As soon as I saw the line-out I knew this was exactly why you wanted it gone haha.
I think you had two profanities too close together. Profanities are an abstract that cuts your tension by expressing it. The fewer profanities, the more emotional weight your reader must carry.
Putting it in dialog is different. But I'd still advise you to embargo the swears. In dialog it suggests character, but you risk boring the reader if you overuse it. All of this might be my personal taste. I limited myself to one "fuck" in Fight Club, and was glad I did so.
There's an old saying in theater: "Never enter a scene screaming." The idea is that you'll have no way to escalate from there. It's tough to escalate from "fuck."
Thanks for sharing this piece Pam. It’s always awesome to see different styles here and what Chuck and others have to say as far as input and questions. This story topic is strong for sure. It got me looking back at all the crazy parties I’ve been to.
I like the idea of considering the dark side of a “crazy” party. The story people take away is always the wild and fun stuff, but you dig into what people want to look away from. I like that you’re putting horrible behavior out in the open. It can make readers totally rehash the past in a new way. It can seriously stir up a major emotional response.
Thank you so much, Chuck. Your comments were so helpful. I’m going to read them over again and again. This story is actually a fleshed-out, fictionalized (not enough, I know) version of a true story my friend told me.
I love the tension you created during the party where Samples and Jessie get "interrupted."
I like the dialogue to action ratio you've got going on as well. Kept me interested throughout.
I wonder if you could start right in scene and weave in the information about the nicknames. I did get a kick out of the Samples nickname and backstory. And how it ties in to that last paragraph--to those pens that Samples wanted to collect but couldn't due to the purse full of pee.
Along with Chuck's suggestion about setting up the pee earlier, I might suggest having the narrator notice the gold Playboy pens at the party earlier and wanting them at this earlier point, so that the reader will recall the pens at the very end.
I love the line, "He chuckled, then sighed like he did when I asked him for more promotional items."
How do you know when your specificity is serving a purpose for the story rather than being specific for the sake of it? Cause I always feel like I'm doing the latter.
Also, does a story have to open immediately with action and physicality? The story I'm working on, the second paragraph goes into a scene with action. But the first paragraph hints at a long-standing problem with a promise of something new.
To me starting with some mundane action is as weak as starting with a quote.
Can you start with a hook? "All summer I wanted someone to ask what happened to my face."
Or start with a compelling action? "He searched the drawer for the longest knife."
Just beware of summarizing and dictating the situation in the opening. "Brenda had always wanted to see Trevor dead." That's boring.
Yeah there was a line in mine that you crossed out -- I think it was something like “what a load of shit” or something like that. As soon as I saw the line-out I knew this was exactly why you wanted it gone haha.
I think you had two profanities too close together. Profanities are an abstract that cuts your tension by expressing it. The fewer profanities, the more emotional weight your reader must carry.
Putting it in dialog is different. But I'd still advise you to embargo the swears. In dialog it suggests character, but you risk boring the reader if you overuse it. All of this might be my personal taste. I limited myself to one "fuck" in Fight Club, and was glad I did so.
There's an old saying in theater: "Never enter a scene screaming." The idea is that you'll have no way to escalate from there. It's tough to escalate from "fuck."
Ahhh yep that makes sense as well!
I wanna know about this longest knife
See, that's why it works as a hook.
Thanks for sharing this piece Pam. It’s always awesome to see different styles here and what Chuck and others have to say as far as input and questions. This story topic is strong for sure. It got me looking back at all the crazy parties I’ve been to.
I like the idea of considering the dark side of a “crazy” party. The story people take away is always the wild and fun stuff, but you dig into what people want to look away from. I like that you’re putting horrible behavior out in the open. It can make readers totally rehash the past in a new way. It can seriously stir up a major emotional response.
Thanks for sharing Pam. The more Gloves Off I read, the more I think I will someday understand writing.
I definitely want to see something from the flame bartending dwarves, the piss, maybe extending the scene in Wayne’s room and the fight after.
Thank you so much, Chuck. Your comments were so helpful. I’m going to read them over again and again. This story is actually a fleshed-out, fictionalized (not enough, I know) version of a true story my friend told me.
Hi Pam! Thanks for putting your story out there.
I love the tension you created during the party where Samples and Jessie get "interrupted."
I like the dialogue to action ratio you've got going on as well. Kept me interested throughout.
I wonder if you could start right in scene and weave in the information about the nicknames. I did get a kick out of the Samples nickname and backstory. And how it ties in to that last paragraph--to those pens that Samples wanted to collect but couldn't due to the purse full of pee.
Along with Chuck's suggestion about setting up the pee earlier, I might suggest having the narrator notice the gold Playboy pens at the party earlier and wanting them at this earlier point, so that the reader will recall the pens at the very end.
I love the line, "He chuckled, then sighed like he did when I asked him for more promotional items."
Nice work! Keep it up!