Thanks so much for taking the time to do this!! Lots of great tips to consider on the second draft, and to take along with me as I finish writing this. You even hit on a couple of things I had already been considering. Extremely beneficial. Thanks again, Chuck! Flattered and honored to be included in this.
I know I'm the nine-millionth person to say this, but these Gloves Offs are so incredibly helpful. I learn something new with every single one. I love the idea of the women almost egging the villain on by filming the encounter. There are so many great places that can go.
Thanks for sharing this chapter, Jeffrey. I'm definitely invested and curious to know where the story goes from here.
Thank you! I’m kinda slow, and expect the first draft to be done during the summer. Not sure it will ever be published, but I’m sure it will be finished!
Thanks for sharing, Jeffrey! I really like the idea of the character saying things incorrectly (like psycho). It definitely helps her stand out.
The third element is really good advice. I literally added one to a scene in my story this morning, which made it much stronger. Guess I’m starting to absorb some of this writing stuff through my thick skull.
That incorrect pronunciation thing bit is stolen from real life. Just a thing I do to amuse myself (as no one else ever seems to laugh about it). I’ll definitely be adding a third element, and taking that piece of advice with me in the future. Thank you for reading!
Before I start reading this Gloves Off critique, just wanted to let people know someone's birthday is around the corner. Someone very special. Next Tuesday to be exact. If you know, you know.
Hey Jeffrey! Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I like where you're going with this one. It reminds me of the time my sister and I were in the car together on the highway. I was driving, and this car kept speeding up when I sped up, slowing down when I slowed down, etc. for a long ways. Being the horror loving freak that I am, I immediately became worried and did a last-minute exit off the highway to "lose" that guy, whoever he was. My sister was like, what the heck, Maegan? But deep down in my gut (and based on all the horror movies I've seen) I know that my slick ditch-him maneuver was the right thing to do, haha!
But seriously, I love this kind of story. Being stuck in a car can have its own level of tension. And with this mystery road rager/ jerk in the Cutlass, yeah, the tension is there. I like the idea to amp that up even more by having the girls get out their phones and going live or getting footage for their next movie or whatnot. Like what if they turn the story upside down and chase him? Oh wait--I think that's Tarentino's Death Proof, never mind.
Some small notes:
-I like that the car's name is Bessie.
-I like the humor that you embed throughout. For example, "The Olds peeled out, nearly hitting a tall stoner with a beard who was walking out with a Red Bull and a Snickers. “Not cool, man,” he said."
-That said about the humor, if this is part of a novel, you probably want to end with tension, like Chuck said, rather than laughter, so that the reader will turn the page.
-Stacey seems like the natural POV to stick with for this one. Although it could be fun to alternate POVs between Stacey and the driver of the Cutlass, but in different chapters only. So one chapter Stacey, one chapter driver, etc. This would allow the reader to know the "misunderstandings" that the characters cannot see since they are only inside their own heads. If that makes any sense, lol.
Unfortunately an all-too-real story. The entire idea of this first chapter came from a similar experience I had, though mine was more of the out-there-alone type that the girls were afraid of having. I don’t understand what causes people to match other people’s speed like that on the road, but it certainly happens (quite a bit, out here in Phoenix). I confess that Bessie is my own ‘03, white, 15-passenger Ford, named after a Bessie mentioned in a couple of songs by The Band.
Thank you for reading, and for your thoughtful feedback!
This happened to me (alone!) a second time just this past year!! And with two (luckily, empty) carseats in the back!! The guy was staring right at me. Totally intentional. It really is nuts!! I love that you are putting yourself into your stories. Don't feel like you have to admit to it though ;) Can't wait to read more.
Thanks so much for taking the time to do this!! Lots of great tips to consider on the second draft, and to take along with me as I finish writing this. You even hit on a couple of things I had already been considering. Extremely beneficial. Thanks again, Chuck! Flattered and honored to be included in this.
I know I'm the nine-millionth person to say this, but these Gloves Offs are so incredibly helpful. I learn something new with every single one. I love the idea of the women almost egging the villain on by filming the encounter. There are so many great places that can go.
Thanks for sharing this chapter, Jeffrey. I'm definitely invested and curious to know where the story goes from here.
Thank you! I’m kinda slow, and expect the first draft to be done during the summer. Not sure it will ever be published, but I’m sure it will be finished!
I hope you'll share it with us when it is!
Thanks for sharing, Jeffrey! I really like the idea of the character saying things incorrectly (like psycho). It definitely helps her stand out.
The third element is really good advice. I literally added one to a scene in my story this morning, which made it much stronger. Guess I’m starting to absorb some of this writing stuff through my thick skull.
That incorrect pronunciation thing bit is stolen from real life. Just a thing I do to amuse myself (as no one else ever seems to laugh about it). I’ll definitely be adding a third element, and taking that piece of advice with me in the future. Thank you for reading!
Before I start reading this Gloves Off critique, just wanted to let people know someone's birthday is around the corner. Someone very special. Next Tuesday to be exact. If you know, you know.
Don't you dare. I you must get a cake for David Foster Wallace, and eat it.
We already have a cake! It's a big one called Church of Chuck. And we're doing renovations, a second-floor bathroom lol
Hey Jeffrey! Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I like where you're going with this one. It reminds me of the time my sister and I were in the car together on the highway. I was driving, and this car kept speeding up when I sped up, slowing down when I slowed down, etc. for a long ways. Being the horror loving freak that I am, I immediately became worried and did a last-minute exit off the highway to "lose" that guy, whoever he was. My sister was like, what the heck, Maegan? But deep down in my gut (and based on all the horror movies I've seen) I know that my slick ditch-him maneuver was the right thing to do, haha!
But seriously, I love this kind of story. Being stuck in a car can have its own level of tension. And with this mystery road rager/ jerk in the Cutlass, yeah, the tension is there. I like the idea to amp that up even more by having the girls get out their phones and going live or getting footage for their next movie or whatnot. Like what if they turn the story upside down and chase him? Oh wait--I think that's Tarentino's Death Proof, never mind.
Some small notes:
-I like that the car's name is Bessie.
-I like the humor that you embed throughout. For example, "The Olds peeled out, nearly hitting a tall stoner with a beard who was walking out with a Red Bull and a Snickers. “Not cool, man,” he said."
-That said about the humor, if this is part of a novel, you probably want to end with tension, like Chuck said, rather than laughter, so that the reader will turn the page.
-Stacey seems like the natural POV to stick with for this one. Although it could be fun to alternate POVs between Stacey and the driver of the Cutlass, but in different chapters only. So one chapter Stacey, one chapter driver, etc. This would allow the reader to know the "misunderstandings" that the characters cannot see since they are only inside their own heads. If that makes any sense, lol.
Anyhow, cool idea, and keep at it!
Unfortunately an all-too-real story. The entire idea of this first chapter came from a similar experience I had, though mine was more of the out-there-alone type that the girls were afraid of having. I don’t understand what causes people to match other people’s speed like that on the road, but it certainly happens (quite a bit, out here in Phoenix). I confess that Bessie is my own ‘03, white, 15-passenger Ford, named after a Bessie mentioned in a couple of songs by The Band.
Thank you for reading, and for your thoughtful feedback!
This happened to me (alone!) a second time just this past year!! And with two (luckily, empty) carseats in the back!! The guy was staring right at me. Totally intentional. It really is nuts!! I love that you are putting yourself into your stories. Don't feel like you have to admit to it though ;) Can't wait to read more.
Don’t worry, there’s plenty I’m not admitting to!
Thanks for sharing Jeffrey.
So much I’m only starting to realise about controlling and manipulating tension.
Maybe by the end of this year it will click?
Right? These Gloves Off segments have been so helpful! Thanks for reading.
These Gloves Off posts are always helpful, and each in different ways. I’m going to keep directing students to these as they write their own stories.
These also remind me I needed to grab a copy of CONSIDER THIS, so I did. A newsletter conversion into a sale, thank you, Chuck.