I said it before and I'll say it again: I love the name The Truant for a theater. Very cool. And leaves room for possible double-meanings.
Inside the theater, I love how you painted the picture with the "imitation velvet seats (torn)." Made me feel right at home. Chuck is right--you know that floor is sticky. And the smoking! The smoking is great. Made me think of when I was a kid, at my family's little theater, back then just a single-screen, it had this smoking room with a dutch door--where it was split in half and you could open the top or the bottom. It's where I used to play in-between shows or after seeing the same movie for the 500th time.
I like the mention of the woman’s 20 foot tall head and the 30 foot long conch. Even though numbers can be abstracts, to me, I like the way the ginormous size of a 20 foot head translates.
I love how Chuck drew out for us how to make our verbs more specific and physical! For example, the suggestion of changing the verb from "paid" to "he slid the coins through a slot..." I will be circling verbs in my next story and looking for opportunities to get down and physical with them.
Thanks for sharing Szygy.
The conch shell bit really stands out because it is unexpected, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you make from Chuck’s feedback.
I also like the conch!
Thank you Chuck! Thank you Everyone!
This round is equal to a master class. Both the scene and Chuck’s comments are high level. Thanks to both.
Nice work, Syzygy!
I said it before and I'll say it again: I love the name The Truant for a theater. Very cool. And leaves room for possible double-meanings.
Inside the theater, I love how you painted the picture with the "imitation velvet seats (torn)." Made me feel right at home. Chuck is right--you know that floor is sticky. And the smoking! The smoking is great. Made me think of when I was a kid, at my family's little theater, back then just a single-screen, it had this smoking room with a dutch door--where it was split in half and you could open the top or the bottom. It's where I used to play in-between shows or after seeing the same movie for the 500th time.
I like the mention of the woman’s 20 foot tall head and the 30 foot long conch. Even though numbers can be abstracts, to me, I like the way the ginormous size of a 20 foot head translates.
I love how Chuck drew out for us how to make our verbs more specific and physical! For example, the suggestion of changing the verb from "paid" to "he slid the coins through a slot..." I will be circling verbs in my next story and looking for opportunities to get down and physical with them.
Great job, Syzygy. Keep writing!
Congratulations, Szygy!!!