Holy fucking shit. Chuck Palahniuk said to me "see how good a writer you are?"
I may have peaked.
Thank you so, so much. I'll address all of this in the revisions.
I think you're the greatest practical/applied linguist alive, FWIW. Nobody else has the grasp you do of how all the component parts of English fit together and interact.
(Puddles is a more-or-less human poison factory with hallucinogenic sweat and addictive, neurotoxic saliva. No drugs involved.)
When you give me permission to fuck with the language, a thought pops in the back of my head to say, "What if they don't get it?" Cause don't you have to have some amount of intelligence to be able to decipher something voicey? Or maybe I'm just thinking about Ulysses lol
The target I'm aiming at with the way Danny refers to Clorox (the black achondroplastic dwarf) is dark-humor class commentary; Danny is a 'roided-up pimp who's attempting to climb the social ladder; he habitually employs the language of the highly-educated class to which his social worker girlfriend ("the cunt," who he is pimping, and terrorizing/domestically abusing to boot) belongs. By having him conscientiously describe his torturer as a "little person," I'm attempting to emphasize that aspect of his character. Similarly, the specific reference to Peaky Blinders is a pointed comment about how banal and ordinary (and middle-class) the interests of this awful person are. His goal is to be upwardly mobile... but he's a pimp.
Do your comments on that language hold true with that background information, given that it's both intentional and not a dig at anyone but Danny? If "little person" is flat-out beyond the pale, how could I achieve the same result otherwise?
Whoever described this as a kitchen table MFA delivered via substack understated. A regular MFA student couldn't count on such thorough and professional feedback...and the tuition would be quite a bit more as well.
Thanks for sharing your story. Right away I was drawn in by the tension of the narrator being probed at by latex gloves. And not being able to move his arms. It's just like hello, welcome to hell, and it has my attention.
I like all the in-scene action. Followed right along, and the cutting of the adverbs is a quick and easy fix. In a lot of cases, it's just a matter of switching out the adverb for the action or dialogue that shows the exact adverb you wanted to use.
OMG the EARWIGS??!! I freaking hate earwigs, so Nicely Done. Followed by a millipede???? The only bug that can make my husband squirm.
Really love the examples of unpacking Chuck provided. And showing how to redirect passive voice by putting the action onto the objects. "The metal pinched" for example. Also found helpful the pruning to show where tension was unintentionally cut. And the confirmation that yes, readers want to be figuring out what is happening as they go.
And once more, just have to give you props for all the tension throughout.
Nice work, great job. Hope you are having a blast writing this.
Thanks for sharing Jay. In conversation I have a terrible habit of over explaining things and I still struggle with the impulse to do this in my writing.
I hope the girl has been high since frame one. She just knows how to live with the leggy bastards.
"Gloves Off" is a "kitchen table" MFA via Substack.
Oh gosh, Chuck is looking to beat the adverbs outta me lol
Very informative, as always.
Love your note about intentional misuse of words as the only way to transcend standardized language.
That's one of the fun things about art, I think - learning the "rules" so that you can break them.
Holy fucking shit. Chuck Palahniuk said to me "see how good a writer you are?"
I may have peaked.
Thank you so, so much. I'll address all of this in the revisions.
I think you're the greatest practical/applied linguist alive, FWIW. Nobody else has the grasp you do of how all the component parts of English fit together and interact.
(Puddles is a more-or-less human poison factory with hallucinogenic sweat and addictive, neurotoxic saliva. No drugs involved.)
Strong writing from Rollins and really useful comments from Palahniuk. I learned a lot.
When you give me permission to fuck with the language, a thought pops in the back of my head to say, "What if they don't get it?" Cause don't you have to have some amount of intelligence to be able to decipher something voicey? Or maybe I'm just thinking about Ulysses lol
Okay, have reread.
The target I'm aiming at with the way Danny refers to Clorox (the black achondroplastic dwarf) is dark-humor class commentary; Danny is a 'roided-up pimp who's attempting to climb the social ladder; he habitually employs the language of the highly-educated class to which his social worker girlfriend ("the cunt," who he is pimping, and terrorizing/domestically abusing to boot) belongs. By having him conscientiously describe his torturer as a "little person," I'm attempting to emphasize that aspect of his character. Similarly, the specific reference to Peaky Blinders is a pointed comment about how banal and ordinary (and middle-class) the interests of this awful person are. His goal is to be upwardly mobile... but he's a pimp.
Do your comments on that language hold true with that background information, given that it's both intentional and not a dig at anyone but Danny? If "little person" is flat-out beyond the pale, how could I achieve the same result otherwise?
"Keep the boner present." - I'm always telling people this. And they're always like, "Who are you?" and "This is why I hate taking the bus."
What a great breakdown.
Love these Gloves Off. Can't get enough. Reveals how the core of fiction is action, action, action, and action verbs, action verbs, action verbs.
Whoever described this as a kitchen table MFA delivered via substack understated. A regular MFA student couldn't count on such thorough and professional feedback...and the tuition would be quite a bit more as well.
Hey Jay!
Thanks for sharing your story. Right away I was drawn in by the tension of the narrator being probed at by latex gloves. And not being able to move his arms. It's just like hello, welcome to hell, and it has my attention.
I like all the in-scene action. Followed right along, and the cutting of the adverbs is a quick and easy fix. In a lot of cases, it's just a matter of switching out the adverb for the action or dialogue that shows the exact adverb you wanted to use.
OMG the EARWIGS??!! I freaking hate earwigs, so Nicely Done. Followed by a millipede???? The only bug that can make my husband squirm.
Really love the examples of unpacking Chuck provided. And showing how to redirect passive voice by putting the action onto the objects. "The metal pinched" for example. Also found helpful the pruning to show where tension was unintentionally cut. And the confirmation that yes, readers want to be figuring out what is happening as they go.
And once more, just have to give you props for all the tension throughout.
Nice work, great job. Hope you are having a blast writing this.
Thanks for sharing Jay. In conversation I have a terrible habit of over explaining things and I still struggle with the impulse to do this in my writing.
Whew, incredible advice. What a read. What a journey. Love that you take the time to do this, Chuck.
Yes. Thanks Chuck.