58 Comments

Thank you.

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Okay, hear me out, Chuck. Jokes aside. What if you don't have much stamina and blow your load like two seconds in? There's gotta be a place for us who can't elevate tension, no?

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I am overjoyed to read your comments on a piece of writing. I applaud the hell out of someone for submitting this to be reviewed and thank them for sharing. I appreciate Frank’s bludgeoning to death while being taught a lesson about productivity and efficiency with such brutality. Does the author work for UPS? Amazon? Well done.

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I'm never going to use the words lay or lied for the rest of my life. Nope. I'm avoiding that confusion lol

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This is an unrelated, general question. And it might be a dumb one but I'm curious.

When you review a student's work that might contain some harmful messages, would you ever bring it to their attention to let them know? And have you done something similar in the past?

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Jul 26, 2023Liked by Chuck Palahniuk

Wow, those all sound like great tips! Thanks, Chuck, for letting us all read these. Gonna save and re-read, and hopefully learn how to apply 'em...

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I’ll be revising with these comments in mind. These comments will definitely take the story to the next level.

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Specifying the packages raining down is a fantastic idea.

Thanks for sharing Logan, there are so many good elements in this story that you can really tease out to take it to the next level.

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founding

Hi Logan! Thanks for letting us read your story.

I like how you made me wonder--what the hell is this place??! The first paragraph, I could see it, but the machine gun in the second paragraph threw me off/made me question myself--not in a bad way, just kept my curiosity.

By the middle, I understood that we were in some type of Amazon warehouse hellhole, with a mega-ass for a boss. One thing I wondered though was did whoever was manning the machine gun change? Correct me if I'm wrong, but at the beginning, I thought the machine gun was used to keep the workers working. As a fear tactic. Then at the end, I got the sense that someone else jumped in. But my question is, who? Maybe I missed something, but it could be fun to have the narrator hint at who is behind the gun at the end taking the man down. Or maybe it is, the narrator who jumped in?

You put a lot of good sounds/tastes/smells in this. I always forget the other senses besides sight, so nice work.

And I especially enjoyed the mention of the narrator's morning puking routine. Thought that was unique. Along with the line, "everyone had a morning ritual."

And I loved this line too: “That’s not an injury—just wear and tear of the job.”

I like the ball busting at the end with the steel toe. The steel toe is a good detail I think.

Good suggestions from Chuck. Looking forward to seeing where you take this!

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I'm not worthy of critiquing your language-piece. Can you please forgive me?

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Chuck, you wrote, "Next, don’t name the machine gun turret so baldy..."

Did you mean boldly? Otherwise, as a person who is follically-impaired, I will take offense!

LOL

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I love these posts. There's so much useful info for people trying to improve their writing. For example, making things less abstract. Instead of five minutes (abstract), it's the time it took his last cigarette to burn on its own. Thanks for continuing to share this info.

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Chuck, I love your strategy of avoiding tennis match dialogue and using evasive responses to create or maintain tension. Are there any situations where a direct answer is permissible? Maybe to add some variety to the story.

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Maybe I'm the only one but when I click on the link to read the story it takes me to a google drive or something with Chuck's comments? I'm probably just doing it wrong...hahaha...story of my life.

Love the Gloves Off segment. I feel like its my chance to be in that condemned house sitting around a lopsided formica table back in the 80s (or 90s?) listening to Tom Spanbauer deconstructing a work followed by homemade sandwiches and wine from a cardboard box...of course, I'm probably imaginging it wrong....in my head it plays like an 1980s John Hughes movie interpretation of a Michael Chabon book starring Brad Pitt as Chuck...hahahaha...now that's a movie I'd watch.

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Thanks for sharing Logan, and looking forward to what you make from the feedback.

I enjoyed seeing the breakdown of how to handle the t-shirt description, like the is/has/was problem and how to avoid it makes more sense to me now.

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I have been noticing something. It seems like our culture has gotten more transgressive overall. Things have become more accepted or at the very least, tolerated. Shocking doesn't seem that shocking anymore. Is it just me? And if that's the cast, does that mean we have to be more provocative in our writing to compete?

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