Cheryl Chatterton, author of “Salutations of Distant Remembrance,” is the editor of the online magazine ‘Encouraging Good Behavior through Somatic Reinforcement.’ She penned her debut poetry collection, ‘Fond Embraces’ in the span of a sleepless weekend. When she is not organizing a family reunion as the Chatterton matriarch, Cheryl enjoys desert herb gardening and pebble painting. Cheryl lives in Sheridan, Wyoming with her son and daughter-in-law.
Greg Chatterton, author of "Mommy Chatterton Dearest" is currently living abroad after recent divorce from wife and mother. Spends his days avoiding phone calls and writes poetry exploring the edible mother complex. Will soon publish a book of "Your Momma" jokes coming to a book store near you. He currently shares a home in Paris with gold fish and at least three loads of unwashed laundry.
Deborah Dalton, 'Vasecto-me, Vasecto-you', is a contributing editor of the quarterly anarcho-feminist zine 'Sheridan Rad Fem'. Formerly a frequent contributor to the online magazine 'Encouraging Good Behavior through Somatic Reinforcement', Mx Dalton has since disavowed the magazine's chief editor, stating "While Mrs. Donald Chatterton claims to be against oppressive heteronormative gender roles, claims to be a feminist matriarch who cares about the environment, she's just another breeder with a man's last name. Fake and sad." Deborah teaches 'Wyoming Herstory' at Sheridan College.
Lily Chatterton, "Three In The Bed", is the author of two other novellas, "The Sympathy Cure" and "Marrying The Queen". She lives in Wyoming, and is shortly embarking on a solo backpack tour of East Asia.
Good point. I suppose in my head it hints at Cheryl's daughter-in-law leaving having grown sick of Cheryl's shit, but in retrospect it doesn't actually escalate conflict.
Pebble D. | Author of 'Anthropoidic Mycelium' and member of the North American Mycological Society. Enjoys going on mushroom forays and rock climbing. Included in the viral New York Times article titled, "2024's Biggest Plant Shows" photo bombing Cheryl Chatterton at the IFPA The Global Produce & Floral Show. Photo caught a rip in Cheryl's pants revealing hot pink leopard print and a liposuction scar.
Liasa Leuken, Head Maiden at MMC Trinity, editor of the anthology ‘Take His Time Out: Poems To Discard Him By’ which has pulled three poems from ‘Fond Embraces,’ blesses the works of Cheryl Chatterton with the MMC Trinity award: Honoured Matres. Liasa’s roll as Head Maiden is to see that no honour shall go unnoticed for one, despite not being affiliated with MMC Trinity, who has taken part in solidifying the “Birthing Reality” of The Matriarch.
Darryl Chatterton, 'Gestures of the Past Projected', is not the editor of the online magazine 'Encouraging Good Behaviour through Somatic Reinforcement' but should be. Living in the shadow of his older sister, Cheryl, and his younger sister, Carol, Darryl has finally stepped out and reached for the light with the publication of his own debut poetry collection,'Tortured Bindings.' When not being dragged to another ridiculous family reunion, Darryl meditates in his zen garden and dreams of transmorgrifying his two haughty siblings into church pews. Darryl lives alone on his sheep farm in Kleeburn, Wyoming, just down the road from his two sisters and their perfect families.
Darryl Chatterton Jr., “Kegels with Hegel,” is the digital poet behind the transmogrification of the online instruction series, 'Kegels with Carol,' into the Hegelian deepfake synthesis of the Jakob Schlesinger portrait and his elastic aunt.
Kaitlyn Smith-Chatterton, author of the poem ‘Salutations of Lady Macbeth: Patience Beneath The Desert Rose’ combines “somatic-induced remembrances’ with her cryptic, yet poetic, memoir-like prose to create a chapbook series that screams from between the lines with words that grab at your ears. Her latest installation to her series, ‘Friday Sleepless Monday’ continues the story of a young woman and her downtrodden husband as they again attempt to overthrow the “desert rose” with Aderall. Her husband has said of the newest addition to her series “…the reason why we are fucked. How did we not see this happening?” When not trying to communicate with her outside audience, Kaitlyn Smith-Chatterton can be found cleaning painted pebbles in the sun without any clothes on.
Christine Cloud, author of, “poetry blatantly written by ChatGPT,”is the editor of the extremely dull 90’s website magazine, “armchair TikTok psychology.” She stole her first poetry collection from a shoebox she found buried in her backyard. Christine enjoys backhanded compliments at family dinners and making her children miserable by forcing them to attend inbred family unions in Wyoming. She refuses to die and leave her fortune.
Deirdre Essenscheiz is the author of "Nidra Namaster: Sleep and Yogic Instersection". Deirdre holds an MFA from Hanover College, and multiple Yoga Nidra certifications. When shes not writing, Deirdre teaches her advanced students how to sleep in a headstand. Deirdre also freelances for online magazines, and just published an article titled "Panting amd Swatting: Breathing Exercise for Somatic Reinforcement". She has published multiple poetry manuscripts through Sarabande Books, and the most recent title is "Why Did You Make Me Stand On Your Head?' Cheryl lives in Osgood Indiana where she breeds world record hot chiles, and serves them to the rural homeless in her regionally famous Curry.
Dirk Morehead, author of the poetry collection "Calls Unanswered", is known for his poems of unrequited love, many written during the same "sleepless weekend" referenced in the bio of Cheryl Chatterton who is also a contributor to this publication. Cheryl, please call me.
Revised: Dirk Morehead, author of "Just Say We" is known for his stories of unrequited love and French kissing, many written during the same "sleepless weekend" that Cheryl Chatterton wrote "Fond Embraces", as mentioned in her bio. Cheryl, please call me, s'il vous plait.
Shysie Chatterton (nee Schwarzwasser) was born and raised in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin. Her short story collection “Hopefully Everyone Looks Past My Epigraph (an ode to papa)”, was a runaway hit, despite being released without her permission. In between training to defend her Stone Throwing title at the Highland Games, she is stockpiling poetry inspired by her mother-in-law. Any advice on her working title is welcome: “Sometimes Aggression Vents Empty Matriarchal Emotions”. Shysie pledges to raise her future children in the ways of her ancestors, being a proud mix of Chippewa Indian and Romani bloodlines.
Genevieve S. Small, “Blink Twice If You See Me,” is also the author of several to-do lists she hasn’t gotten around to. She and her cat Lucy make their home in Brooklyn. This is her first published work.
Genie B. Large, "Think About the Big Picture," is the author of several lists she has completed and revised and then completed again. Twin sister to author Genevieve Small but she's technically the first born. She grew up in a small Alabama town with her only sibling where they both studied writing where Genie graduated from a slightly better college than Genevieve. She lives alone since pets slow her down and don't allow her the time to complete her lists. She currently lives in New York City, Upper East Side.
Lucy "the Lynx" Tyrell, 'Whiskers and Whips,' Is a Brooklyn based, kink positive furry. She lives happily with her owner and lover, Genevieve. While she describes herself as "prrrrrrrr-ofoundly patient", and "not big on confrontation, meow", she is getting increasingly fed up with having to do all of the household chores, including the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, dusting, changing the litter box, and vacuuming. They are called to-do lists, Gen. Do them!
Kelly Verde: Contributing author of "Dearest Catacombs". Bachelor's degree in mortuary science and a member of the Supreme Council of Pi Sigma Eta National Morticians Fraternity. Became a student of Genevieve S. Small after finding her cat Lucy wondering the dirt roads outside of Plainfield. Spends her free time bird watching and practicing taxidermy with animals she has rescued from decay.
Zelda Zuerlein, “Where’s Lucy?” is also the author of several articles about cats and their place in ancient Egypt. Zelda has lived alone since her roommate, Genevieve, and her cat, Lucy disappeared.
Liasa Leuken, in her critical review of ‘Blink Twice if You See Me’ honours the intimidating work taken on by Genevieve S. Small. The exposure of women’s pleasure to men is one thing. Their reaction another. The exposure of men to a women’s pleasure that does not require his form is another thing that Genevieve strives at showing. In the work of ‘Blink Twice If You See Me’ Genevieve harnesses the anguish of long term lovers and boyfriends as she slowly exposes them to her relationship with Lucy, her power in pleasure with Lucy, and how one can alchemize the crushing soul of male fragility when a beautiful woman such as Genevieve S.Small crosses the line with her “pretty little” looks. Liasa also commends Genevieve on her deconstruction of such “linear phallic time-space structures” as the to-do list by simply not doing them.
Lucille van Ness, “A Familiar Tail,” moonlights as a bookseller in Greenwich Village and is always on the prowl for her next poem. Her recent work has appeared or is forthcoming in Blackbird, The Believer, and Passages North. In a previous life she oversaw the translations of Mark Twain’s musings. When she’s not composing found list poetry, Lucy can be found daydreaming on a fire escape in Brooklyn.
Paul Small, author of, “to get my stuff published I knew someone in the industry,” bought his work from a fifth grade homeless child for the cost of a match and some gasoline. He suffocates mice in his spare time and falls for internet scams that ask for your bank info.
Cameron Pott, B.S., “Newsprint Empress: How One Debutant Ruined My High School,” is the four-year-long and highly researched exposé of Genny Sinclair Small. Within are details on her incessant listmaking and how Genevieve’s obsessions led her family’s media empire to facilitate a spree of countless party disasters, romantic betrayals, public humiliations and awkward pauses. Mr. Pott’s work in sociological studies as a graduate student asssitant have transformed the lives of undergraduates from across the five boroughs. He assistant teaches at CUNY and hates cats with a spiteful passion.
Omri Owens, "Hold My Tongue: case studies of selective mutism in middleclass demographics" has been a practicing speech and language therapist for over twenty years as well as a patron of The Emotional Support Animals Recognition Society. He lives quietly in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Tiddly Winkles, author of the photo journal ‘What do these stains say about the company last night’, is a pseudonym granted to him by Genevieve S. Small. He is currently one of Small’s “To do” on her to-do list which is taking her a really long time to do. Tiddly was told what not to do. But Tiddly needs to pee. Pee badly. Tiddly’s peepee is feeling silly. Tiddly wants to know if his silly-willy was what “to do” was to be? If so, can Tiddly please just go and use the stain in a photo shoot?
Gregory Small, author of ‘Wink thrice and He will appear before you’, is a grand master in the dark arts of sorcery, and heir to Aleister Crowley. ‘Wink thrice and He will appear before you’ is his first foray into the realm of fiction, and most certainly his last. Small despises the company of ordinary humans, and regrets being tricked into attending that creative writing group in a Brooklyn coffee shop. There will be consequences, Genevieve.
As an author in this collection, I hesitate to say this here, but Genevieve S. Small in her book "Blink Twice if You See Me" lifted several lines verbatim from my book, "I Can't Talk Now". If you look at her book - pages 37 and 79 you'll find words stolen directly from my book. I just want it known I wrote those lines first.
Jeffrey Hughes, also know as “The Invisible Menace,” lives in the Clinton Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn with his adopted cat Lucy. He has been published by the NYPD.
Herbert F. Koff dislikes stalkers: literally and literaturally. His weekly column “If you don’t like it” in ‘Brooklyn Bent’ has amassed a loyal following and inspired countless copycat wannabes. His missive “Oh, I See You. Why Don’t You Blink Twice If You See This Restraining Order?” should have been shortlisted for this year’s Pulitzer Prize for Editorial Writing, but some big-shot on the jury obviously has a thing for kittens.
Maryanna Lisette is the author of the soon-to-be-released essay collection titled "How to Complete To-Do Lists and Influence People." Her previous works include "Parsnips: A War Story" and "Hatemongers and the Things They Love to Hate." She likes to spend her non-writing hours scouring for mushrooms and making pornographic friendship bracelets which she hands out at music festivals. Lisette makes her home on the outer reaches of Walawa Lake, Oregon, among a conclave of cryptozoologists.
Helena Ellison: Contributing author of 'Historia Veneficii'. Enjoys rose gardening and country side driving. Winner of the Berkshire Conference of Women Historians Book Prize. Member of the Latin National Honor Society and the International Guild of Knot Tyers North America. Currently working on a modern translation of the Heptameron. Collects antique blades and spring lancets. Earned a bachelors degree in history and masters degree in historical forensics at Miskatonic University.
Douglas Krugman, 'The Burned Upper Crust,' specializes in fabricating ancient artifacts and selling them to gullible and pretentious rich idiots. Far from feeling guilty for his transgressions, Douglas considers what he does to be a great service to humanity. To date, he boasts of having sold over two-thousand cheaply made rip-offs of sharp implements, such as knives and lancets.
Ingrid Formier-Basilton, ‘Petals of Betrayal’, is the president of the Northampton Horticulturalist Society and host of the monthly Berkshire Tea and Talk Luncheon. Published the article ‘History Is Just Old News’ in the Springfield Gazette, and the rural traffic op-ed ‘If You’re Taking Your Time, You’re Taking Mine, Too’ in the Northampton Picayune, which was lauded by council chair Cecil Harcourt as, “[P]oignant and practical… a veritable thesis of the effects leaf-peepers have on our daily lives.” Perfected the bowline during her time as a Brownie and doesn’t see how a sheepshank could possibly be more useful, but apparently certain organizations believe otherwise. Lives in Holyoke with her beloved Rottweilers, Cagney and Lacey, who aren’t afraid of rusty knives or fleams.
Fiona Hemrhoig, ‘Just A Sprinkle’, is a certified Reiki Master. She has been an avid learner. She writes about spirituality ~ consciousness ~ manifestation ~ premonitions ~ energy flow ~ dimensional shifts ~ grounding ~ natural healing ~ star seeds ~ plant teachers ~ etc. In addition to these areas of study, Fiona channels a light being that to earth learners is called by the name Roahon. Well liked by peers during her time at Sterling High School, Finoa now focuses on the now. Fiona attributes much of her success to Helena Ellison ~ who during senior year dared her to swallow two flaming doctor peppers at once ~ ~ ~ resulting in the amputation of her left arm, four fingers on her right hand, and permanent scarring down her face and neck. For without such trauma, Fiona could not have grown to be the vessel of positivity that she is today. Namaste, Helena!
Chuck, by the way Fiona asked that I pass along a message:
~~Hi Chuck.~~
Right now I’m not yet a paid subscriber due to financial constraints, so I asked Elliott to give you a message from spirit. After touching base with spirit through meditation, spirit guided me to my local Dollar General. There I came across a hat that really speaks to me ~~ please see the below photo link! But please read my further message past the link, as it is vital and urgent!
Chuck. Spirit told me that sometimes you feel a bit sad, when you should be happy. When you should **choose** to be happy instead. SAD = LOWER VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY. HAPPY = HIGHER VIBEARIONAL FREQUENCY. When I found the hat, it was spirit’s way of confirming that you needed to hear this message. I can really offer a lot to help guide you through whatever **sprinkles** (obstacles) life throws at you.
If you’d like a three hour session with Rohan ~~~~ it’s $500. Or if you’d like a Reiki session ~~~ it’s $1,000. I really recommend Reiki for my first time clients just to set a baseline. If I can overcome having one finger, then you can ~~ABSOLUTELY~~ overcome whatever Gaia might be setting in your path as a challenge in your adventure of this plane of the 4th demension. I know I’ll hear from you soon. :D
Percy Fish, "Queer Burials: Love and the Death Industry," wants to emphasize that his name is NOT a typo. It is not Fisher nor Fishbach - it's just Fish. Fish received his BA in History at Dunwich Community College and uses it to trace back patrilineal lines and to write about your gay ancestors for his blog. His essay, "Last Rites in the Atlantic," was nominated for the Pushcart Prize. Fish has never left the Massachusetts coastline, and he never will. You can see him sometimes if you're on a country drive. Can't miss him - he has the exact look of someone named Percy Fish.
Irene Ballast, author of “The French Pope,” uncredited contributor to “Historia Veneficii,” and winner of the Tsoukalos Pseudoarcheology Prize, concludes her forty-year career in historical fiction. Her retirement follows a sword duel with a rival academic. After her recovery, she will return to the prestigious Miskatonic University to work on her bachelor's degree.
Gabriel Graves, 'Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis: A modern retelling'. Grand Master of the Global Guild of Knotters and Tyers, the first guild for true knot tyers in North America (not to be confused with that other splinter group established by Helena Ellison and her band of hasbeens and neverweres.) Gabriel graduated first in her class with a masters degree in historical forensics from Miskatonic University. She is presently researching hidden layers of the Unaussprechliche Kulte as a part of her PhD.
Tex Emerson, “The Only Side of History Is The Right.” Tex taught himself 13 languages with the free version of Duolingo by the age of ten. Dismissive of the “dead tongues,” Tex has chaired the board he also founded - Latin is for Losers - for the past five years.
H.R. Griner, author of "Lace Em Up: Shibari for Sailors", is an Eagle Scout and Grand Puba of the International Guild of Knot Tyers. H.R. teaches advanced knots to intermediate sailors while traveling at 30 knots. Exhonerated of sexual misconduct allegations, he now resides wherever his schooner is anchored.
Harold Entwistle: contributes nothing to the world except a patent for a machine that saves night farts for day breathing and street pamphlets that read, “smells like teens,” in wingding font. He’s most notable for his mega viral tweet admitting he’d give up Anne Frank if it meant his life.
Katherine E. Elliot, 46th out of 105 contributing authors of 'Historia Veneficii'. Earned a degree in viticulture to legitimize her drinking habit. Also enjoys endless conversation about what real art is. Currently lives with 3 adopted adult artists she's looking to re-home.
Jill Thornten, 'A Sailor's Life For Me,' is a recent graduate of Brandeis University, where she double-majored in English and Sociology to prepare for a lifelong career as a 'seaboard recluse,' a term she coined herself to describe her nomadic lifestyle. Like Ellison, she's also a member of the International Guild of Knot Tyers North America, and led the Guild in its first annual 'No Knot November.' Her motorized houseboat is named Don Quixote in honor of an unfortunate run-in with an offshore wind turbine.
Archie Vannerday, ‘Lines Of Milk From The Black Goat Of The Woods’, and his paper, ‘Beyond This Doll You Doo’, contributed to the the magazine ‘Stolen Carribean’, has graduated from Miskatronic University with an MFA in Applied Sculptures. His final project “Papers. Submissions. Contributions: Object.” Has been classified as “animating” and “stealing” and “…impossible to recover.” In his spare time, when not watching the country side, he enjoys collecting the contributions in ‘Historia Veneficii’ written by Helena Ellison.
J. J. J. Jackson, author of "Nosferatu on the Shore", writes unapologetic fiction in his cabin in the woods, and lives completely off-grid and self-sufficient. His work has been called, ‘intimidating’ by Witness Magazine, and ‘unfathomable’ by That Books Guy. Jackson does not have a web profile or an email address. All book queries should be sent to PO Box 115, Arden, Texas. Internet Search Engine results will not report that all charges were dropped, but they were.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt, author of, “Twilight is good, no really,” lives in a tiny home his parents bought him after getting tired of his little meth problem. His works have been called, ‘insecure’ and, ‘laughably derivative,’ by everyone who reads them. Jingeheimer-Schmitt has a very obvious internet trail that points to his criminal harassing of 15 year old Roblox steamers.
Samuel Troutwein, in 'It's the Punch You Don’t See', writes of the seedy underbelly of a small time boxing promotion run by J.J.J. Jackson in Plano, TX. It's the story of short changed fighters, bribery, fixed fights, and the eventual murder of Ezzard Gans, the promotion's number two bantamweight contender. After thorough and exhaustive research, including interviews with many of the participants, Troutwein presents his case against Jackson, whom Troutwein says the evidence definitively points to as the lone killer. Collin County PD have not made any arrests, but continue to investigate the case. Jackson has disappeared from the Plano boxing scene, and his location is currently unknown. Troutwein is a lifelong boxing fan, and has offered several freelance articles to The Ring Magazine.
Samuel Troutwein, in "It's the Punch You Don't See", tells the story of small time Texas boxing promoter J.J.J. Jackson and the murder of bantam weight contender Ezzard Gans. Police continue to investigate this case filled with corruption, greed, and sexuality. Troutwein blows the cover off the case after an exhaustive investigation. Troutwein is a lifelong boxing fan, who has offered several freelance articles to The Ring Magazine.
Kelsey Woodrow, ‘Forests Without Trees’, is a proud supporter of the arts in Abilene and the greater Fort Worth/Dallas metropolitan area. Winner of the Abilene Social Support Humanitarian Aid Trophy for the creation and continuing support of the Belletrists Using My Shed program, and curator of the popular literary site thatbooksguy.com, he is happy to provide housing and opportunities for up-and-coming artists, though he isn’t sure his tool shed classifies as a cabin in the woods, or that said shed qualifies any occupant as ‘off-grid’ or ‘self-sufficient.’ What Kelsey is quite sure of is that there are no cabins and no woods in Arden, TX.
Spencer Lawless, 'Breathless in Texas,' is a paranormal investigator specializing in eastern European entities in the American southwest. His investigation into vampire sightings at rodeos in central Texas have led to the arrest of the convicted serial voyeurist and flasher, and suspected murderer Jeremiah John Julian Jackson. However, investigators of the case have also blamed the controversial vampire hunter's flagrant falsifications of evidence for Mr. Jackson's later acquittal. Lawless is suspected of having created puncture wound "bite marks" on the necks of 4 of the victims in the case, as well as littering the crime scenes with garlic cloves and rosaries.
Karl Klindel Sr. | Spends time studying SAS survival and started the Youtube channel 'Preppin for the Zombie Apocalypse.' Author of 'The Vamp Tapes' and 'Underground Zombies'. Was an uncredited extra in 'The Last of Us' television series. Became internet famous after stealing personal journals, Texas Spurs 'N Furs tapes, LED cat ear headset, and a can of 90s Spam from the basement of J.J.J. Jackson during a live stream on his Youtube channel. Klindel is currently facing charges from the best selling author for criminal trespassing, burglary, public vandalism, and leaking Jackson's real address at 1914 E. Main St, Richmond, Virginia.
Manuel F. Esto, Esq., author of “Walden Revamped,” makes his horror fiction debut at the behest of a good friend and frequent contributor to this magazine. Astute readers may recognize him for his wise words documenting modern anarcho-primitivism. However, he prefers to discuss his work in legal defenses for terrorism, which has resulted in J. J. J. Jackson’s release from federal prison. Esto advises readers who want to stay “in the know” attend his lunch-and-learns in downtown Dallas.
Frigus 'Frig' Maxwelt is a celebrated author and cryoscientist who, six years ago, froze himself to later re-emerge and experience the 22nd Century. A dedicated father of four and grandfather of nine, Chip remains connected with loved ones via nanoneuro brain implants. This year, his epistolary novel 'Frost on the Horizon'--a revealing account of his turbulent relationship with former creative partner J. J. J. Jackson--won the Peabody Award for artistic excellence in a frozen state.
Max Peterson, "Dracula-on-Sea", enjoys blending comedy and gothic horror in his novels. Graduating Salutatorian from Cape May Community College in Florida, he made local news in 2021 when he filed a restraining order against a former student, Joseph Jackson. Peterson has spoke candidly about the experience in Witness Magazine, saying, 'Frankly if someone wants to go to the trouble of breaking into your home and stealing your work, it's a little flattering. And great publicity.' "Dracula-on-Sea" has recently been optioned by Netflix.
Peggy Jackson, ‘How Far the Moon’, spends her time composing poems in her head while baking her famous apple-rhubarb pies and award-winning butter pecan scones. Her seventh poetry collection, ‘Nights on Lake Texoma’ is forthcoming from Greywolf Press. But nothing brings her greater joy than cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry for her sweet baby boy, Jamie-John Joe, whose mama is very proud of him.
B. Milton, retired postal worker and author of "I once worked with that now-famous-writer-recluse-who-lives-in-the-woods" B.M. spends his days rattling off banal details about J.J.J to any poor soul willing to listen. Also spends his time playing his guitar at his retirement home so he can "re-live the best days of his life."
J. J. J. J. Gowanus, author of 'Dracula, a Oral History' has numerous vampire stories but alas, most are unpublished unless you count JJJ Jackass Jackson's ripoff of Nosferatu at the Beach, his ripoff of Vampire Syndrome by J. Gowanus or his virtual mimeograph of Bloodsuckers Delight by again, J. Gowanus. You better stay off the grid motherf----er.
Clayton Taylor, author of ‘Your Eyes Are On The Wrong Side’ ‘Footprints found off grid’ and ‘unapologetic acts caught on film’ is the Chief in Editor of Witness Magazine and has lead said Magazine to some very “unfathomable” “Nosferstu On The Shore” sightings. When Clayton is not running Witness, he is set to publish his freelanced work that many have claimed would have “inflamed” “certain active/inactive litigations/charges if it weren’t for Clayton’s ability to have his considerations understood and honoured.” Clayton knows that when a man is self-sufficient that a man is dependant on himself and that that man himself can be used to make a man consider what is best for himself when he is given something to consider.
Marko Natko Ognjen Marković, the ghostly author of "There is no Shore but there is a Vampyr and it is US", writes brutalist transgressive fiction dispatched from his constantly moving yet unidentified Atacama 3600 extreme off-road camper van, spurning all society offers while traveling around and through it. His work has been called, 'intimidating' by That Books Guy, and 'unfathomable' by Witness Magazine. Marković's sole web presence can be found on the dark web dispatching manifestos from his heavily encrypted single page newsletter at www.MarkoNOMtheBASEDGOD.onion on the darkweb. All book queries and "tips" must be sent through the form at the bottom of his website. While search engines claim all charges were dropped, it remains unclear if this is true because the author has meticulously erased his online presence. All rumors that he is the agent of a foreign power, member or leader of an inactive sleeper cell of domestic terrorists, or anything but a man who values his privacy, liberty, and the written word, are slander or libel, and will be swiftly dealt with as such.
Larry Finkel, author of "The Everyday Politics of Candyland" can be found on his YouTube channel "Boardgame Everything." There he takes the time to explain the complexity of Clue to the rise and fall of the British Navy in Battleship. Please join us there.
Patrica Finkel, "Nothing Sweet About Me: a mother's story" is an advocate for parents of adolescents with Type I diabetes. Charting the minefield of puberty and hidden sugar in our food, Finkel lays bare the reality of young angry diabetics attempting to navigate modern society.
Stella Finkel-Roshon, 'Stop. Just Stop,' is considered the matriarch of revenge fiction. Her landmark novel "The Author Did It in the Study with his Pipe," received universal acclaim in the Femdom community for its visceral and raw depiction of a scorned wife's revenge on her duplicitous husband. Completely self-taught as an author, Finkel-Roshon's works have been called "unconscionable" and "a thinly veiled threat," which she finds to be compliments of the highest degree. Lives outside Winnipeg with her Manx named Geoff, and her second husband.
Roland Milligan, 'You Snooze, You Win: The Lazy Man's Guide to Living Your Best Life', moonlights as an investigative reporter all over his home state of Louisiana. Look for his upcoming exposé on doping in the cutthroat underground world of competitive Chutes and Ladders: 'Laurence "Ice-Cool Larry" Finkel, the Xanax Kingpin of Shreveport'.
Jerry Finkel, 'The order of the cards is set: Candyland, Birth Order, and The Illusion of Free Will', is the totally underappreciated younger brother of failed YouTube influencer Larry Finkel of "Boardgame Everything." Jerry is currently a student at Harvard University, with a full scholarship and a 4.0 GPA. Not that their dad gives a flip because he's too busy fawning over that idiot's stupid internet fame. Oh yeah, and while that lazy dirtbag is editing his dumb videos, who makes time to mow the lawn and trim the hedges? Not Larry. Who takes Mom out to dinner on Mother's Day? Not Larry, never big famous Larry.
Mara Gracey: Investigative journalist with the New Yorker and author of 'The HMS Warrior.' Enjoys traveling the world to try new hot teas and visiting museums. Won the Courage in Journalism Award after infiltrating a corrupt ring of antique weapons dealers and uncovered Larry Finkel and several other best selling authors involved in a global smuggling scandal. Leaked hard drive data revealed Chat GPT was used in writing of Finkel's book and the writing gig was a cover up for an illegal antiques smuggling scheme.
Jeffrey Z. Todello, BjPsy, ‘The Divisive Stripes Of The Sugar-Coated’ and ‘It’s Not A Game, It’s The Government’ along with ‘Straight Pride Never Happened Everyday’ is a regular on infowars.com. Jeffrey’s journalistic passion for exposing the unconscious programming of the masses is why he was tapped by Alex Jones to host the web series ‘The Hands Under The Board’. Jeffrey’s current exposé dissects the well-received YouTube channel, “Boardgame Everything” and unpacks, frame by frame, The symbols —and their effects on the masses— of the Cabal. Jeffrey also examines the roll of the “victimized perpetrator” and how they—Larry— are used as a form of “Oppositional Control”.
Jenny Zimmerman, 'Hungry Hippo Eats the World' is the Youtube Influencer slaying it with "Snakes & Ladders", the number one channel for everything boardgames. When she's not spilling tea with her favourite Ladders, Jenny loves dragging that boomer Finkel, who she caught in 4k trying to proposition her bestie. Big Yikes. iykyk.
Lawrence Fucks, author of, “children will do anything for a candy bar,” lives in an elder care home for the insane. There he accuses his neighbors of cheating at bingo and can be seen urinating in the beds of those he’s accused.
Stan Goins, "Winds of Time," wonders why his historical nonfiction isn't taken seriously when Larry Finkel's boardgame series has a following of millions. Goins' "Napoleon, Blown Apart," is a groundbreaking examination of the riotous effects of France's famously rich cuisine on the notorious general's digestion. His forthcoming work, "Gaseous Clay: Ripping in the Ring," promises to clear the air on Mohammad Ali's mostly overlooked secret weapon. Goins wishes Mr. Finkel would respond to his comments on YouTube, or better yet, return his calls to discuss a possible crossover piece on the Fart! Boardgame.
Fink II, author of 'Gaming Addiction: Family Killer' can be found protesting the harmful effects of gaming addiction. He is currently running a Candyland Addicts Anonymous at his local church. He hopes to make an impact worldwide. He can only be reached by mail since he does not own a smart phone, computer, or tablet.
Mel Halford, ‘Yo Correo les Rues at Night,’ is the 23rd ranked player in the Battleship Association of the Americas and the 3rd ranked Shipper in the Midwest League of Battleship Strategists. He remains undefeated when deploying the ‘Jeune École’ offensive even though certain YouTubers have purported to “crack the hull” on its secrets.
Liasa Leuken, ‘Her Story Wasn’t History’ and ‘Sheets of Sapphic Sheets of Yonic Sheets of Spells’ and ‘Unphallic Hill’ Is an MMC Trinity graduate who completed her double PHD studies in ‘Traditional Power Pre-Patriarchal Constructs’ along with a medical/anthropological/non-secular PHD in ‘Dianic Phallo-Constructs’. She runs a coastal-forest resort dedicated to the sacred connection that can only be found between HER with the Gaiaic Body. For inquiries: She inquires only.
Trevor Leuken, "The Late Blooming Orange", is a Professor of Classical Studies at MMC Trinity. Professor Leuken's work on latent homosexuality and phallic jealousy has pioneered postgraduate research, offering a hypothesis for a rejection of binary anthropic principles in millennial women. Professor Leuken is divorced and lives alone with his three cats and mother.
Tess Lebindle, RLOMMCTrinity, ‘From Envy to Aspiration To Affirmations: A Lens During Your Jealousy’ along with ‘Male Anthropic: Why He Thinks he’s out of feeling’ and ‘Harvest The Other Side’ knows when “she inquires only” at MMC Trinity. Tess is instrumental during Maiden day— the first day of Dianic Hopefuls arriving at MMC Trinity—, demonstrating— thus installing deep confidence—to knew pupils the failed patriarchal categories of “professor” and “department” and “faculty” that could not stand in such Yonic conditions.
Una Richards, "Overcome Penis Envy Through Meditation," blows the whistle on Tess Lebindle's Rorschach pottery hazing ritual in her debut novel, 'Yonic Catechism' and the upcoming sequel ‘It was Just a Tree With Two Crowns.’ Anathemized from the Yonic Maidens for ostensible worship of pre-castration Ouranos, Richards has dedicated her life to helping other failed Dianic Maidens situate themselves within the symbolic.
Michael Northrop, ‘The Cost of Love’, began his MFA studies in his mid-twenties but never completed his degree, choosing instead to support his (now ex-)wife and maintain the household while she earned her dual PHDs in ‘Traditional Power Pre-Patriarchal Constructs’ and ‘Dianic Phallo-Constructs’, which seemed like the honorable thing to do, but in retrospect was hugely counterproductive. Between ten-hour shifts, grocery shopping, lawn work, cleaning, turning wrenches, pet care, and doting on his former beloved, he’s been able to eek out some time to pen the above, along with such stories as ‘How Could I Have Been Better?’, ‘The Myth of The Good Man’, ‘Come, Talk To Me’, ‘How Much Longer Must I Do This?’, and the poem ‘Tonight, It’s The Stranger For Me.’ He is currently seeking representation, both legal and literary.
Liasa Leuken, author of the poems ‘You Felt What I Thought’ and ‘Dawn Over His Hands And Knees’ and the self help book ‘How To Use Marriage Without Recognizing’ has finally made it across the stream because of all those stepping stones that didn’t see her coming. Liasa Leuken now lives the way that cannot be recognized by representation.
Pandora Piper PhD, 'You can't spell SHE without HE' and 'Anything Longer Than Wide: A Woman's Case for Patriarchy' graduated valedictorian at MMC Trinity with a triple PHD in 'Effective Masculine Power Dynamics.' She is currently winning a bidding war with fellow, but lesser MMC Trinity graduate, Ms. Lisa Leukin over the land rights of a coastal-forest resort, where she intends to develop the area into a walking park adorned with statues of historically famous womanizers, from Jackie Gleason, to John F. Kennedy. The park will be open to married Men and Women (provided they have their husband's permission) only.
Martin Mayo | Author of 'The Brittany Spears Death Theory' and 'Heretic in the 2020's.' Made headlines after yelling he wanted to burn Liasa Leuken at the stake as a modern day witch and plans to restart the Inquisition in 2025 during a recent CNN interview. Martha Stewart claims that his living room has a floor to ceiling framed photos of Leuken's Vogue bikini shoot when invited to help him plan decor for his dinning room. She also found signed copies of her books and unsent love letters in a buffet drawer she found unlocked while measuring the space.
Lisa Leuken II, 'Soul Bonding With the Sun' and 'It's Not An Orgy. It's Ritual." Completed her PHD in homeopathic spider leg medicine. Like her mother, she also runs a women's resort: "Nude as Nature" where women bond by painting each other with heaps of mud...in the nude. When she is not running her resort she is usually spending her time stamping out rumors of human sacrifice said to plague her resort. Currently involved in two ongoing missing persons investigations.
Maury Mackie, 'Man Roars, Beds Tremble' and 'Phallic Hill: The Response'. Maury is the son of the late Frank TJ Mackie and a graduate of the Jordan Petersen Academy where he specialized in Anti-Postmodern-Neo-Modern-Post-Marxist-Neo-Feminist-Redux. Mackie's mission is men. But mostly it's explaining everything to women. After reading Dianic Phallo Constructs, and being ignored by Liasa Leuken, Mackie founded the Not All Men Channel on Discord. His most recent book 'Enforced Monogamy: Solutions for an insolent world" is available through his Shopify.
Niamh Shea, “My Final Poem,” is a former nomad living in the magical Pacific Northwest. Originally inspired by the jungle-like nature of megacities, she now writes about the healing prowess of nature. In her free time, she searches for the lover who cured her internet addiction. She will return to Chiang Mai, Thailand, upon failure.
Liapold Likely, ‘he didn’t do it,’ and, ‘awful alliteration attributed to alcohol, and, ‘viagra shadow,’ is a community college graduate with her associates in Misandry. She co-owns an airBnB that charges an exorbitant cleaning fee then asks that you clean up after yourself. She owns over 40,000 amethysts and her Etsy store sells nothing.
Tim Ryker, “The Golden Trickle of Youth,” is the author of the revolutionary e-book, “Personal Water Cycling: Boost Creatine, Muscle, and Libido Naturally.” When he is not infiltrating sinister pagan cults that spring up at the seaside resort, Mt. Pubis, Tim spends his days hydroponic gardening and traveling the world in his refurbished school bus with the de-programmed.
Tonya louwick, Bs, BCJ, ‘He Hero: The Hands Under The Cape’ needs no recognition for her undercover work exposing the author of the illicit photo book ‘The Golden Trickle of Youth’. Tonya, along with sister mothers from MMC Trinity, have received threats from Governor J.L. Ryker for successfully exposing Tim’s “world travels” as a part of a child-trafficking syndicate focused on the sale of adolescent girls for “fun, marriage, or life”. Tonya is also “sense” coordinator for the Gaiaic body retreat. This is because Tonya knows that no mountain is yonic. Just like she knows that no phallic is either.
Louis Lowell, author of Spycatcher Revealed, is most known for the Once Upon a Spy series. He resides and keeps tempo in Alkens, Missouri where he plays bass when not working on his next novel. Hey Liasa, or should I say 'Larry', sorry to bug you but I really need those video tapes back.
Chet “Larry” Nance, author of bestselling spy-help novels ‘A Camera In A Loofa Is A Camera In Her Loofa’ and ‘How To Befriend A Drag Queen To Steal His Lady Suite Without Having To Go Gay For It’, is the inventor of the patented Booby Camera. Chet knows what value is in those tapes. Chet knows that they need to be returned. Chet knows not of paying over due fees, ever, even when Blockbuster was still a thing. Chet knows that a good deal will get all those tapes returned, plus the ready for release ‘Liasa Loofa’ film. Chet knows he will increase the likely-hood of a good exchange if Chet can find a good musician for a Bar Mitzvah by the end of tomorrow evening.
Chet Nance knows. Chet Nance, ‘She Says She’s Gay But That’s Not Why She Hates It’ ‘Why Worry About The G-Spot When You Got A Whole Alphabet To Spot With’ is Creative Director for ‘The OTHER Cat Fancy’. When not taking pictures in his van, or doing very artistic breast prints on the inside walls of his van, Chet is exploring the “Yonic Groves”, where he feels along the sacred cave walls, sucking that sapphic flavour off his finger. Tip. Just? Chet knows how to make the finger lickin’ good. Chet knows when his sweats gone down his balls. Chet knows that he drives these females wild. Chet knows that all skeet-skeet motherfuckers. Chet knows he won’t stop til all these bitches crawl.
Alexei Alexandrovich Leurenin, “Bitch, That’s My Daughter You’re Raising To Run From Wolves.” Alexei is a MMA champion and the 10th most popular YouTuber on the West Coast. His brand of unapologetic parenting has earned him the nom de plume “Father of Fathers.”
S. S. Riley, 'The Undead Mistress of the Kennedy's', M.Ed., MT(ASCP)SM, working on a PhD in Supernatural Science. Look forward for their debut novel, "Ghost Abortions for Sale!", coming this winter. Preferring to let their work speak for itself, S. S. Riley is a pseudonym.
As noted earlier, the name of your responder should begin with a letter that makes it fall after "S.S.Riley" otherwise your pay-off will occur before the set-up. This is the case with all the second-round Bios.
Travaris Monktavian III, 'Saturday Night Palsy in The Name of The Lord,' found regional fame after being blessed with the Christian Writers of Greater Hagerstown Excellence Award in 2022 for his Bible-themed epic titled "Moses Marches on Bogata." The child of a failed abortion attempt, Monktavian III has dedicated his life to stomping out anti-Catholic rhetoric, implementing a worldwide ban on the murder of unborn children, and educating the general public about the dangers of science, in particular the blasphemy spouted by pseudo-scientists such as S.S. Riley and his ilk.
Vivian S. Vaine, 'Plan Boo,' is a self-taught expert in the strategic use of supernatural phenomena and jump scares for late stage family planning. Even though her methods are more effective and controversial than any of the outdated information you'd find in books like "Ghost Abortions for Sale!", and despite the fact that Vivian writes actual true things and not just fiction, she still has the courage to use her actual name. Pseudonyms, she firmly believes, are tacky and for cowards.
Tip Salendas: Professional ghost hunter and author of 'Ghost Hunting in the Quantum Age' and 'Quantum Physics of Death.' Rare book collector and Geocacher. Garnered a large Threads following posting about his prophetic dreams. Posts are for entertainment purposes and Salendas doesn't claim to have the gift of prophecy. Nobody does. Debunked Riley's claims of fetus ghosts with his ghost hunting quantum software 2.5 and stated blobs of cells don't have a soul. Book sales for Riley's upcoming release plummet as readers cancel their preorders.
B. Dahlia, 'How Much Ghost Abortion Can I Get For 50 Bucks?", provides an insightful look into the ghost aborting industry and how it's changing the psychic lives of wealthy, bored women around the world. She spends her days in downtown Berkeley walking the spirits of her 3 dead cats.
Theta Geist, “Bob Chatterly’s Message,” remains the world’s authority on automatic writing and unearths memoirs, novels, and poetry from the afterlife. She advises that academics have no stake to the supernatural and cannot understand what they will not see. Researchers into automatic writing should remember to cite their sources and use their real names. Pseudonyms make cowards. Exercise caution when you select books and resources on the dead. Keep an eye out for the new Christopher Marlowe next winter.
Wilhelmina Thomas, ‘Ghosts Abort a Vacuum: Suck Up the Unalive or Unborn,' invented the BlastaBlastula® proton pack after several failed ghost abortions.
Tessa Zee, in “Profiles in Cowardice”, takes dead aim at claims made by S.S. Riley. Zee also praises the bravery of RFK Jr. in his struggle against brain worms: “I like Bobby. He is my favorite Kennedy. When his brain was hit, he managed to keep it in his head.”
Victoria Chang, "Troubles in Paradise" works for a family planning service in Encino, California. She lives with her wife and two bearded dragons in Reseda and enjoys all things supernatural and paranormal.
S.S. Ripley author of, “barbiturate milkshakes and enemas,” received her PhD in biochemistry after successfully discovering “how many Ativan you can put in someone’s ice cream before they can taste it,” and is being considered for a Nobel Prize. She also wrote, “getting an abortion in every US state,” for vanity fair.
Orel Kell, PsyM., ‘Phantom Pregnancies: What Coat Hangers Won’t Do’ ‘Change The Channel If You Don’t Want Him Talking’ is SanFrancisco’s top psychic-medium in the Bay Area. In his latest book ‘In The White House There Are White Stains Instead Of Blood’ Orel lends his voice to the long line of mistresses that still “reside, relax, and listen” in the halls, and walls, of parliament hill. His natural, innate abilities give him the in-depth advantage that cannot be learned, or taught, or set to a “degree”. His upcoming release has been “seen” by fellow psychics and mediums as “something is coming”. Orel’s newest book has also been lauded by the intuitive society, FeltFirst, as “They’re gonna read this and… know that you know.” When not learning to master the art of Ikebana, Orel writes lullabies for the souls of the aborted.
Liasa Leuken, Head Maiden at MMC Trinity, and lauder of the upcoming release ‘Ghost Abortions For Sale’ has recently contributed to the magazine ‘Historia Veneficii’ the paper ‘Even if The Father is A Phantom, You Can Still Use It Against Him’. In this reading, Liasa praises Riley’s raw ability to “torture any entity of man with his careless seeding.” Liasa’s critique of Riley’s ‘The Undead Mistress of The Kennedy’s’ demonstrates the expansive qualities of the graduates of MMC Trinity to continue the good work of the Dianic Line to ‘Unphallic Hill’ even after the stage of living.
Stephen Sayce, ‘The Ghost With Two Boners.’ Stephen won the prestigious The Incubi, in the award’s inaugural year for his flesh filled take on all beings spiritual. Stephen is considered the first author widely recognized as pioneering the genre of ectoplasmic erotica.
The reading you did recently at "Sixth & i" was a delight. Loved your reaction to the Fight Club circumcision question, you looked stunned. And I loved those lines that went too far about the "I've had the devil on top of me. I've had the devil finish inside me." You piece together these incredibly sticky lines to code painful ideas. It's so good. I'm glad you included them.
Carl Matthews, linebacker of the ringless ‘76 Green Bay Packers wrote a harrowing story about his rapid brain loss. “Brain No good No More,” chronicles what it’s like living as a Super Bowl loser and a former football star with CTE. Carl currently lives in Beaumont, Montana at home with his mother, and guinea pig, Carl Jr.
Peter R. Cunningham, author of “Neon Rain”, unapologetic writer of all things transgressive and taboo, he lives in the rural Scotland Highlands. Since his debut, his writing has garnered both a lot of criticism and acclaim, being described as ‘Unforgiving’ by fellow author Lisa Brook, and as ‘An unfortunate precedent in the history of Literature’ by the London Literary Review. The movie rights for ‘Neon Rain’ are currently being optioned by Warner Brothers, though there has been no update on the potential movie adaptation since the accusations of AI being used to write the source novel - which Peter R. Cunningham has fervently denied - caused something of a controversy last year.
Luther Grimm Biggs, alleged serial murderer on death row and current moderator of Reddit’s /inmatelife rat memes page was granted the Light-Bearer award for his collection of short stories “Undoing Time: Counting Bricks and Prison Myths”. Luther Grimm Biggs continues to assert his innocence while painting watercolor scenes using only found pigments, which he sends to supporters in return for commissary deposits.
Other than the stories found in his Pushcart Prize winning book 'Come on Our Stage,' Cogler Igstau has no story to tell.
He does—however—summer at his home in the south of France. The remaining seasons are spent in his Manhattan duplex penthouse overlooking the Hudson Riviera with his exotic partner.
I am new here, I am not exactly sure if this is the right way to do this. I was led here by two Chuck Palahniuk quotes from my 2011 Hazelden published Recovery Meditation Book Morning Light: A Book of Meditations to Begin Your Day. The author is Amy E. Dean. Thank you for taking the time to read this. The Great Spirit The Creator Has A Master Plan
R. Mendelson, author of "Single Pringles With S/Os", wherein the reader self-inserts themself into fantasy scenarios with unnamed celebrities. Mendelson, 22, is a content creator turned author who got her start on Twiter as a stan account following 1D and later various K-pop idols. When questioned about the psychological effects this pseduo-roleplay could have on readers, Mendelson simply insisted that fiction does affect reality and “as long as it's not hurting anyone, who cares?”
Cheryl Chatterton, author of “Salutations of Distant Remembrance,” is the editor of the online magazine ‘Encouraging Good Behavior through Somatic Reinforcement.’ She penned her debut poetry collection, ‘Fond Embraces’ in the span of a sleepless weekend. When she is not organizing a family reunion as the Chatterton matriarch, Cheryl enjoys desert herb gardening and pebble painting. Cheryl lives in Sheridan, Wyoming with her son and daughter-in-law.
Again, the response must be in the form of a fake Bio by another author. See the example above in the original post.
Sorry. I’m a bit tired, Chuck. I’ll come back with something better.
Riff on Cheryl here...
Greg Chatterton, author of "Mommy Chatterton Dearest" is currently living abroad after recent divorce from wife and mother. Spends his days avoiding phone calls and writes poetry exploring the edible mother complex. Will soon publish a book of "Your Momma" jokes coming to a book store near you. He currently shares a home in Paris with gold fish and at least three loads of unwashed laundry.
Mommy Chatterton, "Extra Boxers Neatly Folded in Drawer Back Home," feverously scrivened the chapbook, 'Fresh and Warm from the Dryer.'
Deborah Dalton, 'Vasecto-me, Vasecto-you', is a contributing editor of the quarterly anarcho-feminist zine 'Sheridan Rad Fem'. Formerly a frequent contributor to the online magazine 'Encouraging Good Behavior through Somatic Reinforcement', Mx Dalton has since disavowed the magazine's chief editor, stating "While Mrs. Donald Chatterton claims to be against oppressive heteronormative gender roles, claims to be a feminist matriarch who cares about the environment, she's just another breeder with a man's last name. Fake and sad." Deborah teaches 'Wyoming Herstory' at Sheridan College.
“Anarcho” is the prefix of the year.
Lily Chatterton, "Three In The Bed", is the author of two other novellas, "The Sympathy Cure" and "Marrying The Queen". She lives in Wyoming, and is shortly embarking on a solo backpack tour of East Asia.
I love that this is short, to vary the length. But how does it escalate from the original?
Good point. I suppose in my head it hints at Cheryl's daughter-in-law leaving having grown sick of Cheryl's shit, but in retrospect it doesn't actually escalate conflict.
Pebble D. | Author of 'Anthropoidic Mycelium' and member of the North American Mycological Society. Enjoys going on mushroom forays and rock climbing. Included in the viral New York Times article titled, "2024's Biggest Plant Shows" photo bombing Cheryl Chatterton at the IFPA The Global Produce & Floral Show. Photo caught a rip in Cheryl's pants revealing hot pink leopard print and a liposuction scar.
Liasa Leuken, Head Maiden at MMC Trinity, editor of the anthology ‘Take His Time Out: Poems To Discard Him By’ which has pulled three poems from ‘Fond Embraces,’ blesses the works of Cheryl Chatterton with the MMC Trinity award: Honoured Matres. Liasa’s roll as Head Maiden is to see that no honour shall go unnoticed for one, despite not being affiliated with MMC Trinity, who has taken part in solidifying the “Birthing Reality” of The Matriarch.
Darryl Chatterton, 'Gestures of the Past Projected', is not the editor of the online magazine 'Encouraging Good Behaviour through Somatic Reinforcement' but should be. Living in the shadow of his older sister, Cheryl, and his younger sister, Carol, Darryl has finally stepped out and reached for the light with the publication of his own debut poetry collection,'Tortured Bindings.' When not being dragged to another ridiculous family reunion, Darryl meditates in his zen garden and dreams of transmorgrifying his two haughty siblings into church pews. Darryl lives alone on his sheep farm in Kleeburn, Wyoming, just down the road from his two sisters and their perfect families.
Darryl Chatterton Jr., “Kegels with Hegel,” is the digital poet behind the transmogrification of the online instruction series, 'Kegels with Carol,' into the Hegelian deepfake synthesis of the Jakob Schlesinger portrait and his elastic aunt.
Liked this very much, but length-wise it's too close to the original.
Kaitlyn Smith-Chatterton, author of the poem ‘Salutations of Lady Macbeth: Patience Beneath The Desert Rose’ combines “somatic-induced remembrances’ with her cryptic, yet poetic, memoir-like prose to create a chapbook series that screams from between the lines with words that grab at your ears. Her latest installation to her series, ‘Friday Sleepless Monday’ continues the story of a young woman and her downtrodden husband as they again attempt to overthrow the “desert rose” with Aderall. Her husband has said of the newest addition to her series “…the reason why we are fucked. How did we not see this happening?” When not trying to communicate with her outside audience, Kaitlyn Smith-Chatterton can be found cleaning painted pebbles in the sun without any clothes on.
Christine Cloud, author of, “poetry blatantly written by ChatGPT,”is the editor of the extremely dull 90’s website magazine, “armchair TikTok psychology.” She stole her first poetry collection from a shoebox she found buried in her backyard. Christine enjoys backhanded compliments at family dinners and making her children miserable by forcing them to attend inbred family unions in Wyoming. She refuses to die and leave her fortune.
How does this relate to Cheryl? Did I miss a connection? I do see Wyoming.
Deirdre Essenscheiz is the author of "Nidra Namaster: Sleep and Yogic Instersection". Deirdre holds an MFA from Hanover College, and multiple Yoga Nidra certifications. When shes not writing, Deirdre teaches her advanced students how to sleep in a headstand. Deirdre also freelances for online magazines, and just published an article titled "Panting amd Swatting: Breathing Exercise for Somatic Reinforcement". She has published multiple poetry manuscripts through Sarabande Books, and the most recent title is "Why Did You Make Me Stand On Your Head?' Cheryl lives in Osgood Indiana where she breeds world record hot chiles, and serves them to the rural homeless in her regionally famous Curry.
Dirk Morehead, author of the poetry collection "Calls Unanswered", is known for his poems of unrequited love, many written during the same "sleepless weekend" referenced in the bio of Cheryl Chatterton who is also a contributor to this publication. Cheryl, please call me.
This was my first choice, but it violates our naming convention. The title cited should be a poem or story in our fictitious collection.
If you revise this to cite a single story -- a title that seems to be included in our fake collection -- I could add this later.
Revised: Dirk Morehead, author of "Just Say We" is known for his stories of unrequited love and French kissing, many written during the same "sleepless weekend" that Cheryl Chatterton wrote "Fond Embraces", as mentioned in her bio. Cheryl, please call me, s'il vous plait.
Shysie Chatterton (nee Schwarzwasser) was born and raised in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin. Her short story collection “Hopefully Everyone Looks Past My Epigraph (an ode to papa)”, was a runaway hit, despite being released without her permission. In between training to defend her Stone Throwing title at the Highland Games, she is stockpiling poetry inspired by her mother-in-law. Any advice on her working title is welcome: “Sometimes Aggression Vents Empty Matriarchal Emotions”. Shysie pledges to raise her future children in the ways of her ancestors, being a proud mix of Chippewa Indian and Romani bloodlines.
Genevieve S. Small, “Blink Twice If You See Me,” is also the author of several to-do lists she hasn’t gotten around to. She and her cat Lucy make their home in Brooklyn. This is her first published work.
Use a fake Bio to riff on Genevieve here...
Genie B. Large, "Think About the Big Picture," is the author of several lists she has completed and revised and then completed again. Twin sister to author Genevieve Small but she's technically the first born. She grew up in a small Alabama town with her only sibling where they both studied writing where Genie graduated from a slightly better college than Genevieve. She lives alone since pets slow her down and don't allow her the time to complete her lists. She currently lives in New York City, Upper East Side.
Lucy "the Lynx" Tyrell, 'Whiskers and Whips,' Is a Brooklyn based, kink positive furry. She lives happily with her owner and lover, Genevieve. While she describes herself as "prrrrrrrr-ofoundly patient", and "not big on confrontation, meow", she is getting increasingly fed up with having to do all of the household chores, including the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, dusting, changing the litter box, and vacuuming. They are called to-do lists, Gen. Do them!
I like this, but how does it relate to Cheryl?
Sorry, my mistake. We've passed the Cheryl thread...
Kelly Verde: Contributing author of "Dearest Catacombs". Bachelor's degree in mortuary science and a member of the Supreme Council of Pi Sigma Eta National Morticians Fraternity. Became a student of Genevieve S. Small after finding her cat Lucy wondering the dirt roads outside of Plainfield. Spends her free time bird watching and practicing taxidermy with animals she has rescued from decay.
Zelda Zuerlein, “Where’s Lucy?” is also the author of several articles about cats and their place in ancient Egypt. Zelda has lived alone since her roommate, Genevieve, and her cat, Lucy disappeared.
Yeah!
Liasa Leuken, in her critical review of ‘Blink Twice if You See Me’ honours the intimidating work taken on by Genevieve S. Small. The exposure of women’s pleasure to men is one thing. Their reaction another. The exposure of men to a women’s pleasure that does not require his form is another thing that Genevieve strives at showing. In the work of ‘Blink Twice If You See Me’ Genevieve harnesses the anguish of long term lovers and boyfriends as she slowly exposes them to her relationship with Lucy, her power in pleasure with Lucy, and how one can alchemize the crushing soul of male fragility when a beautiful woman such as Genevieve S.Small crosses the line with her “pretty little” looks. Liasa also commends Genevieve on her deconstruction of such “linear phallic time-space structures” as the to-do list by simply not doing them.
Lucille van Ness, “A Familiar Tail,” moonlights as a bookseller in Greenwich Village and is always on the prowl for her next poem. Her recent work has appeared or is forthcoming in Blackbird, The Believer, and Passages North. In a previous life she oversaw the translations of Mark Twain’s musings. When she’s not composing found list poetry, Lucy can be found daydreaming on a fire escape in Brooklyn.
So Lucille refers to the cat? Subtle. I like!
Paul Small, author of, “to get my stuff published I knew someone in the industry,” bought his work from a fifth grade homeless child for the cost of a match and some gasoline. He suffocates mice in his spare time and falls for internet scams that ask for your bank info.
Cameron Pott, B.S., “Newsprint Empress: How One Debutant Ruined My High School,” is the four-year-long and highly researched exposé of Genny Sinclair Small. Within are details on her incessant listmaking and how Genevieve’s obsessions led her family’s media empire to facilitate a spree of countless party disasters, romantic betrayals, public humiliations and awkward pauses. Mr. Pott’s work in sociological studies as a graduate student asssitant have transformed the lives of undergraduates from across the five boroughs. He assistant teaches at CUNY and hates cats with a spiteful passion.
Omri Owens, "Hold My Tongue: case studies of selective mutism in middleclass demographics" has been a practicing speech and language therapist for over twenty years as well as a patron of The Emotional Support Animals Recognition Society. He lives quietly in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Tiddly Winkles, author of the photo journal ‘What do these stains say about the company last night’, is a pseudonym granted to him by Genevieve S. Small. He is currently one of Small’s “To do” on her to-do list which is taking her a really long time to do. Tiddly was told what not to do. But Tiddly needs to pee. Pee badly. Tiddly’s peepee is feeling silly. Tiddly wants to know if his silly-willy was what “to do” was to be? If so, can Tiddly please just go and use the stain in a photo shoot?
Gregory Small, author of ‘Wink thrice and He will appear before you’, is a grand master in the dark arts of sorcery, and heir to Aleister Crowley. ‘Wink thrice and He will appear before you’ is his first foray into the realm of fiction, and most certainly his last. Small despises the company of ordinary humans, and regrets being tricked into attending that creative writing group in a Brooklyn coffee shop. There will be consequences, Genevieve.
As an author in this collection, I hesitate to say this here, but Genevieve S. Small in her book "Blink Twice if You See Me" lifted several lines verbatim from my book, "I Can't Talk Now". If you look at her book - pages 37 and 79 you'll find words stolen directly from my book. I just want it known I wrote those lines first.
I like, but this should be embedded/nested in a Bio. Rules!
Jeffrey Hughes, also know as “The Invisible Menace,” lives in the Clinton Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn with his adopted cat Lucy. He has been published by the NYPD.
ALMOST chose this, but it needs to follow the Bio format.
Ah, should’ve spent a little longer with it. Glad to have been considered!
Herbert F. Koff dislikes stalkers: literally and literaturally. His weekly column “If you don’t like it” in ‘Brooklyn Bent’ has amassed a loyal following and inspired countless copycat wannabes. His missive “Oh, I See You. Why Don’t You Blink Twice If You See This Restraining Order?” should have been shortlisted for this year’s Pulitzer Prize for Editorial Writing, but some big-shot on the jury obviously has a thing for kittens.
Maryanna Lisette is the author of the soon-to-be-released essay collection titled "How to Complete To-Do Lists and Influence People." Her previous works include "Parsnips: A War Story" and "Hatemongers and the Things They Love to Hate." She likes to spend her non-writing hours scouring for mushrooms and making pornographic friendship bracelets which she hands out at music festivals. Lisette makes her home on the outer reaches of Walawa Lake, Oregon, among a conclave of cryptozoologists.
Helena Ellison: Contributing author of 'Historia Veneficii'. Enjoys rose gardening and country side driving. Winner of the Berkshire Conference of Women Historians Book Prize. Member of the Latin National Honor Society and the International Guild of Knot Tyers North America. Currently working on a modern translation of the Heptameron. Collects antique blades and spring lancets. Earned a bachelors degree in history and masters degree in historical forensics at Miskatonic University.
Take your best shot at Helena with a Bio here...
Douglas Krugman, 'The Burned Upper Crust,' specializes in fabricating ancient artifacts and selling them to gullible and pretentious rich idiots. Far from feeling guilty for his transgressions, Douglas considers what he does to be a great service to humanity. To date, he boasts of having sold over two-thousand cheaply made rip-offs of sharp implements, such as knives and lancets.
Zing!
...by which I mean "Ouch".
Ingrid Formier-Basilton, ‘Petals of Betrayal’, is the president of the Northampton Horticulturalist Society and host of the monthly Berkshire Tea and Talk Luncheon. Published the article ‘History Is Just Old News’ in the Springfield Gazette, and the rural traffic op-ed ‘If You’re Taking Your Time, You’re Taking Mine, Too’ in the Northampton Picayune, which was lauded by council chair Cecil Harcourt as, “[P]oignant and practical… a veritable thesis of the effects leaf-peepers have on our daily lives.” Perfected the bowline during her time as a Brownie and doesn’t see how a sheepshank could possibly be more useful, but apparently certain organizations believe otherwise. Lives in Holyoke with her beloved Rottweilers, Cagney and Lacey, who aren’t afraid of rusty knives or fleams.
Fiona Hemrhoig, ‘Just A Sprinkle’, is a certified Reiki Master. She has been an avid learner. She writes about spirituality ~ consciousness ~ manifestation ~ premonitions ~ energy flow ~ dimensional shifts ~ grounding ~ natural healing ~ star seeds ~ plant teachers ~ etc. In addition to these areas of study, Fiona channels a light being that to earth learners is called by the name Roahon. Well liked by peers during her time at Sterling High School, Finoa now focuses on the now. Fiona attributes much of her success to Helena Ellison ~ who during senior year dared her to swallow two flaming doctor peppers at once ~ ~ ~ resulting in the amputation of her left arm, four fingers on her right hand, and permanent scarring down her face and neck. For without such trauma, Fiona could not have grown to be the vessel of positivity that she is today. Namaste, Helena!
Chuck, by the way Fiona asked that I pass along a message:
~~Hi Chuck.~~
Right now I’m not yet a paid subscriber due to financial constraints, so I asked Elliott to give you a message from spirit. After touching base with spirit through meditation, spirit guided me to my local Dollar General. There I came across a hat that really speaks to me ~~ please see the below photo link! But please read my further message past the link, as it is vital and urgent!
**~~{ HERE }~~**
https://drive.google.com/file/d/19yjm38Pb4UVBHBsTTV9xJDmIhpb6OcAn/view?usp=drivesdk
Chuck. Spirit told me that sometimes you feel a bit sad, when you should be happy. When you should **choose** to be happy instead. SAD = LOWER VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY. HAPPY = HIGHER VIBEARIONAL FREQUENCY. When I found the hat, it was spirit’s way of confirming that you needed to hear this message. I can really offer a lot to help guide you through whatever **sprinkles** (obstacles) life throws at you.
If you’d like a three hour session with Rohan ~~~~ it’s $500. Or if you’d like a Reiki session ~~~ it’s $1,000. I really recommend Reiki for my first time clients just to set a baseline. If I can overcome having one finger, then you can ~~ABSOLUTELY~~ overcome whatever Gaia might be setting in your path as a challenge in your adventure of this plane of the 4th demension. I know I’ll hear from you soon. :D
>>~XOXO ~<< FIONA
Percy Fish, "Queer Burials: Love and the Death Industry," wants to emphasize that his name is NOT a typo. It is not Fisher nor Fishbach - it's just Fish. Fish received his BA in History at Dunwich Community College and uses it to trace back patrilineal lines and to write about your gay ancestors for his blog. His essay, "Last Rites in the Atlantic," was nominated for the Pushcart Prize. Fish has never left the Massachusetts coastline, and he never will. You can see him sometimes if you're on a country drive. Can't miss him - he has the exact look of someone named Percy Fish.
Ooooo, lots of Lovecraft goodies here...
Irene Ballast, author of “The French Pope,” uncredited contributor to “Historia Veneficii,” and winner of the Tsoukalos Pseudoarcheology Prize, concludes her forty-year career in historical fiction. Her retirement follows a sword duel with a rival academic. After her recovery, she will return to the prestigious Miskatonic University to work on her bachelor's degree.
Gabriel Graves, 'Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis: A modern retelling'. Grand Master of the Global Guild of Knotters and Tyers, the first guild for true knot tyers in North America (not to be confused with that other splinter group established by Helena Ellison and her band of hasbeens and neverweres.) Gabriel graduated first in her class with a masters degree in historical forensics from Miskatonic University. She is presently researching hidden layers of the Unaussprechliche Kulte as a part of her PhD.
Tex Emerson, “The Only Side of History Is The Right.” Tex taught himself 13 languages with the free version of Duolingo by the age of ten. Dismissive of the “dead tongues,” Tex has chaired the board he also founded - Latin is for Losers - for the past five years.
H.R. Griner, author of "Lace Em Up: Shibari for Sailors", is an Eagle Scout and Grand Puba of the International Guild of Knot Tyers. H.R. teaches advanced knots to intermediate sailors while traveling at 30 knots. Exhonerated of sexual misconduct allegations, he now resides wherever his schooner is anchored.
Harold Entwistle: contributes nothing to the world except a patent for a machine that saves night farts for day breathing and street pamphlets that read, “smells like teens,” in wingding font. He’s most notable for his mega viral tweet admitting he’d give up Anne Frank if it meant his life.
Katherine E. Elliot, 46th out of 105 contributing authors of 'Historia Veneficii'. Earned a degree in viticulture to legitimize her drinking habit. Also enjoys endless conversation about what real art is. Currently lives with 3 adopted adult artists she's looking to re-home.
Jill Thornten, 'A Sailor's Life For Me,' is a recent graduate of Brandeis University, where she double-majored in English and Sociology to prepare for a lifelong career as a 'seaboard recluse,' a term she coined herself to describe her nomadic lifestyle. Like Ellison, she's also a member of the International Guild of Knot Tyers North America, and led the Guild in its first annual 'No Knot November.' Her motorized houseboat is named Don Quixote in honor of an unfortunate run-in with an offshore wind turbine.
I like. Perfect format. But how does it escalate in relation to Helena?
Well Helena’s just a MEMBER of the Knot Club. Jill is actually leading their monthly activities, and obviously massively showing Helena up 🙄
Archie Vannerday, ‘Lines Of Milk From The Black Goat Of The Woods’, and his paper, ‘Beyond This Doll You Doo’, contributed to the the magazine ‘Stolen Carribean’, has graduated from Miskatronic University with an MFA in Applied Sculptures. His final project “Papers. Submissions. Contributions: Object.” Has been classified as “animating” and “stealing” and “…impossible to recover.” In his spare time, when not watching the country side, he enjoys collecting the contributions in ‘Historia Veneficii’ written by Helena Ellison.
J. J. J. Jackson, author of "Nosferatu on the Shore", writes unapologetic fiction in his cabin in the woods, and lives completely off-grid and self-sufficient. His work has been called, ‘intimidating’ by Witness Magazine, and ‘unfathomable’ by That Books Guy. Jackson does not have a web profile or an email address. All book queries should be sent to PO Box 115, Arden, Texas. Internet Search Engine results will not report that all charges were dropped, but they were.
You know the drill...
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt, author of, “Twilight is good, no really,” lives in a tiny home his parents bought him after getting tired of his little meth problem. His works have been called, ‘insecure’ and, ‘laughably derivative,’ by everyone who reads them. Jingeheimer-Schmitt has a very obvious internet trail that points to his criminal harassing of 15 year old Roblox steamers.
Samuel Troutwein, in 'It's the Punch You Don’t See', writes of the seedy underbelly of a small time boxing promotion run by J.J.J. Jackson in Plano, TX. It's the story of short changed fighters, bribery, fixed fights, and the eventual murder of Ezzard Gans, the promotion's number two bantamweight contender. After thorough and exhaustive research, including interviews with many of the participants, Troutwein presents his case against Jackson, whom Troutwein says the evidence definitively points to as the lone killer. Collin County PD have not made any arrests, but continue to investigate the case. Jackson has disappeared from the Plano boxing scene, and his location is currently unknown. Troutwein is a lifelong boxing fan, and has offered several freelance articles to The Ring Magazine.
Again, many of these Bios run to almost the same length. How can you do the same job, but shorter? Punchier?
Samuel Troutwein, in "It's the Punch You Don't See", tells the story of small time Texas boxing promoter J.J.J. Jackson and the murder of bantam weight contender Ezzard Gans. Police continue to investigate this case filled with corruption, greed, and sexuality. Troutwein blows the cover off the case after an exhaustive investigation. Troutwein is a lifelong boxing fan, who has offered several freelance articles to The Ring Magazine.
Kelsey Woodrow, ‘Forests Without Trees’, is a proud supporter of the arts in Abilene and the greater Fort Worth/Dallas metropolitan area. Winner of the Abilene Social Support Humanitarian Aid Trophy for the creation and continuing support of the Belletrists Using My Shed program, and curator of the popular literary site thatbooksguy.com, he is happy to provide housing and opportunities for up-and-coming artists, though he isn’t sure his tool shed classifies as a cabin in the woods, or that said shed qualifies any occupant as ‘off-grid’ or ‘self-sufficient.’ What Kelsey is quite sure of is that there are no cabins and no woods in Arden, TX.
Love it!
Spencer Lawless, 'Breathless in Texas,' is a paranormal investigator specializing in eastern European entities in the American southwest. His investigation into vampire sightings at rodeos in central Texas have led to the arrest of the convicted serial voyeurist and flasher, and suspected murderer Jeremiah John Julian Jackson. However, investigators of the case have also blamed the controversial vampire hunter's flagrant falsifications of evidence for Mr. Jackson's later acquittal. Lawless is suspected of having created puncture wound "bite marks" on the necks of 4 of the victims in the case, as well as littering the crime scenes with garlic cloves and rosaries.
Karl Klindel Sr. | Spends time studying SAS survival and started the Youtube channel 'Preppin for the Zombie Apocalypse.' Author of 'The Vamp Tapes' and 'Underground Zombies'. Was an uncredited extra in 'The Last of Us' television series. Became internet famous after stealing personal journals, Texas Spurs 'N Furs tapes, LED cat ear headset, and a can of 90s Spam from the basement of J.J.J. Jackson during a live stream on his Youtube channel. Klindel is currently facing charges from the best selling author for criminal trespassing, burglary, public vandalism, and leaking Jackson's real address at 1914 E. Main St, Richmond, Virginia.
Manuel F. Esto, Esq., author of “Walden Revamped,” makes his horror fiction debut at the behest of a good friend and frequent contributor to this magazine. Astute readers may recognize him for his wise words documenting modern anarcho-primitivism. However, he prefers to discuss his work in legal defenses for terrorism, which has resulted in J. J. J. Jackson’s release from federal prison. Esto advises readers who want to stay “in the know” attend his lunch-and-learns in downtown Dallas.
Frigus 'Frig' Maxwelt is a celebrated author and cryoscientist who, six years ago, froze himself to later re-emerge and experience the 22nd Century. A dedicated father of four and grandfather of nine, Chip remains connected with loved ones via nanoneuro brain implants. This year, his epistolary novel 'Frost on the Horizon'--a revealing account of his turbulent relationship with former creative partner J. J. J. Jackson--won the Peabody Award for artistic excellence in a frozen state.
Max Peterson, "Dracula-on-Sea", enjoys blending comedy and gothic horror in his novels. Graduating Salutatorian from Cape May Community College in Florida, he made local news in 2021 when he filed a restraining order against a former student, Joseph Jackson. Peterson has spoke candidly about the experience in Witness Magazine, saying, 'Frankly if someone wants to go to the trouble of breaking into your home and stealing your work, it's a little flattering. And great publicity.' "Dracula-on-Sea" has recently been optioned by Netflix.
Peggy Jackson, ‘How Far the Moon’, spends her time composing poems in her head while baking her famous apple-rhubarb pies and award-winning butter pecan scones. Her seventh poetry collection, ‘Nights on Lake Texoma’ is forthcoming from Greywolf Press. But nothing brings her greater joy than cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry for her sweet baby boy, Jamie-John Joe, whose mama is very proud of him.
B. Milton, retired postal worker and author of "I once worked with that now-famous-writer-recluse-who-lives-in-the-woods" B.M. spends his days rattling off banal details about J.J.J to any poor soul willing to listen. Also spends his time playing his guitar at his retirement home so he can "re-live the best days of his life."
J. J. J. J. Gowanus, author of 'Dracula, a Oral History' has numerous vampire stories but alas, most are unpublished unless you count JJJ Jackass Jackson's ripoff of Nosferatu at the Beach, his ripoff of Vampire Syndrome by J. Gowanus or his virtual mimeograph of Bloodsuckers Delight by again, J. Gowanus. You better stay off the grid motherf----er.
Clayton Taylor, author of ‘Your Eyes Are On The Wrong Side’ ‘Footprints found off grid’ and ‘unapologetic acts caught on film’ is the Chief in Editor of Witness Magazine and has lead said Magazine to some very “unfathomable” “Nosferstu On The Shore” sightings. When Clayton is not running Witness, he is set to publish his freelanced work that many have claimed would have “inflamed” “certain active/inactive litigations/charges if it weren’t for Clayton’s ability to have his considerations understood and honoured.” Clayton knows that when a man is self-sufficient that a man is dependant on himself and that that man himself can be used to make a man consider what is best for himself when he is given something to consider.
Marko Natko Ognjen Marković, the ghostly author of "There is no Shore but there is a Vampyr and it is US", writes brutalist transgressive fiction dispatched from his constantly moving yet unidentified Atacama 3600 extreme off-road camper van, spurning all society offers while traveling around and through it. His work has been called, 'intimidating' by That Books Guy, and 'unfathomable' by Witness Magazine. Marković's sole web presence can be found on the dark web dispatching manifestos from his heavily encrypted single page newsletter at www.MarkoNOMtheBASEDGOD.onion on the darkweb. All book queries and "tips" must be sent through the form at the bottom of his website. While search engines claim all charges were dropped, it remains unclear if this is true because the author has meticulously erased his online presence. All rumors that he is the agent of a foreign power, member or leader of an inactive sleeper cell of domestic terrorists, or anything but a man who values his privacy, liberty, and the written word, are slander or libel, and will be swiftly dealt with as such.
Larry Finkel, author of "The Everyday Politics of Candyland" can be found on his YouTube channel "Boardgame Everything." There he takes the time to explain the complexity of Clue to the rise and fall of the British Navy in Battleship. Please join us there.
Use a fake Bio to deal with Larry here...
Patrica Finkel, "Nothing Sweet About Me: a mother's story" is an advocate for parents of adolescents with Type I diabetes. Charting the minefield of puberty and hidden sugar in our food, Finkel lays bare the reality of young angry diabetics attempting to navigate modern society.
Stella Finkel-Roshon, 'Stop. Just Stop,' is considered the matriarch of revenge fiction. Her landmark novel "The Author Did It in the Study with his Pipe," received universal acclaim in the Femdom community for its visceral and raw depiction of a scorned wife's revenge on her duplicitous husband. Completely self-taught as an author, Finkel-Roshon's works have been called "unconscionable" and "a thinly veiled threat," which she finds to be compliments of the highest degree. Lives outside Winnipeg with her Manx named Geoff, and her second husband.
Roland Milligan, 'You Snooze, You Win: The Lazy Man's Guide to Living Your Best Life', moonlights as an investigative reporter all over his home state of Louisiana. Look for his upcoming exposé on doping in the cutthroat underground world of competitive Chutes and Ladders: 'Laurence "Ice-Cool Larry" Finkel, the Xanax Kingpin of Shreveport'.
Jerry Finkel, 'The order of the cards is set: Candyland, Birth Order, and The Illusion of Free Will', is the totally underappreciated younger brother of failed YouTube influencer Larry Finkel of "Boardgame Everything." Jerry is currently a student at Harvard University, with a full scholarship and a 4.0 GPA. Not that their dad gives a flip because he's too busy fawning over that idiot's stupid internet fame. Oh yeah, and while that lazy dirtbag is editing his dumb videos, who makes time to mow the lawn and trim the hedges? Not Larry. Who takes Mom out to dinner on Mother's Day? Not Larry, never big famous Larry.
Mara Gracey: Investigative journalist with the New Yorker and author of 'The HMS Warrior.' Enjoys traveling the world to try new hot teas and visiting museums. Won the Courage in Journalism Award after infiltrating a corrupt ring of antique weapons dealers and uncovered Larry Finkel and several other best selling authors involved in a global smuggling scandal. Leaked hard drive data revealed Chat GPT was used in writing of Finkel's book and the writing gig was a cover up for an illegal antiques smuggling scheme.
Jeffrey Z. Todello, BjPsy, ‘The Divisive Stripes Of The Sugar-Coated’ and ‘It’s Not A Game, It’s The Government’ along with ‘Straight Pride Never Happened Everyday’ is a regular on infowars.com. Jeffrey’s journalistic passion for exposing the unconscious programming of the masses is why he was tapped by Alex Jones to host the web series ‘The Hands Under The Board’. Jeffrey’s current exposé dissects the well-received YouTube channel, “Boardgame Everything” and unpacks, frame by frame, The symbols —and their effects on the masses— of the Cabal. Jeffrey also examines the roll of the “victimized perpetrator” and how they—Larry— are used as a form of “Oppositional Control”.
Jenny Zimmerman, 'Hungry Hippo Eats the World' is the Youtube Influencer slaying it with "Snakes & Ladders", the number one channel for everything boardgames. When she's not spilling tea with her favourite Ladders, Jenny loves dragging that boomer Finkel, who she caught in 4k trying to proposition her bestie. Big Yikes. iykyk.
Lawrence Fucks, author of, “children will do anything for a candy bar,” lives in an elder care home for the insane. There he accuses his neighbors of cheating at bingo and can be seen urinating in the beds of those he’s accused.
Stan Goins, "Winds of Time," wonders why his historical nonfiction isn't taken seriously when Larry Finkel's boardgame series has a following of millions. Goins' "Napoleon, Blown Apart," is a groundbreaking examination of the riotous effects of France's famously rich cuisine on the notorious general's digestion. His forthcoming work, "Gaseous Clay: Ripping in the Ring," promises to clear the air on Mohammad Ali's mostly overlooked secret weapon. Goins wishes Mr. Finkel would respond to his comments on YouTube, or better yet, return his calls to discuss a possible crossover piece on the Fart! Boardgame.
Loved 'Napoleon, Blown Apart.'
Fink II, author of 'Gaming Addiction: Family Killer' can be found protesting the harmful effects of gaming addiction. He is currently running a Candyland Addicts Anonymous at his local church. He hopes to make an impact worldwide. He can only be reached by mail since he does not own a smart phone, computer, or tablet.
Mel Halford, ‘Yo Correo les Rues at Night,’ is the 23rd ranked player in the Battleship Association of the Americas and the 3rd ranked Shipper in the Midwest League of Battleship Strategists. He remains undefeated when deploying the ‘Jeune École’ offensive even though certain YouTubers have purported to “crack the hull” on its secrets.
Liasa Leuken, ‘Her Story Wasn’t History’ and ‘Sheets of Sapphic Sheets of Yonic Sheets of Spells’ and ‘Unphallic Hill’ Is an MMC Trinity graduate who completed her double PHD studies in ‘Traditional Power Pre-Patriarchal Constructs’ along with a medical/anthropological/non-secular PHD in ‘Dianic Phallo-Constructs’. She runs a coastal-forest resort dedicated to the sacred connection that can only be found between HER with the Gaiaic Body. For inquiries: She inquires only.
Insert a fake Bio to mess with Liasa, here...
Trevor Leuken, "The Late Blooming Orange", is a Professor of Classical Studies at MMC Trinity. Professor Leuken's work on latent homosexuality and phallic jealousy has pioneered postgraduate research, offering a hypothesis for a rejection of binary anthropic principles in millennial women. Professor Leuken is divorced and lives alone with his three cats and mother.
Tess Lebindle, RLOMMCTrinity, ‘From Envy to Aspiration To Affirmations: A Lens During Your Jealousy’ along with ‘Male Anthropic: Why He Thinks he’s out of feeling’ and ‘Harvest The Other Side’ knows when “she inquires only” at MMC Trinity. Tess is instrumental during Maiden day— the first day of Dianic Hopefuls arriving at MMC Trinity—, demonstrating— thus installing deep confidence—to knew pupils the failed patriarchal categories of “professor” and “department” and “faculty” that could not stand in such Yonic conditions.
Una Richards, "Overcome Penis Envy Through Meditation," blows the whistle on Tess Lebindle's Rorschach pottery hazing ritual in her debut novel, 'Yonic Catechism' and the upcoming sequel ‘It was Just a Tree With Two Crowns.’ Anathemized from the Yonic Maidens for ostensible worship of pre-castration Ouranos, Richards has dedicated her life to helping other failed Dianic Maidens situate themselves within the symbolic.
Michael Northrop, ‘The Cost of Love’, began his MFA studies in his mid-twenties but never completed his degree, choosing instead to support his (now ex-)wife and maintain the household while she earned her dual PHDs in ‘Traditional Power Pre-Patriarchal Constructs’ and ‘Dianic Phallo-Constructs’, which seemed like the honorable thing to do, but in retrospect was hugely counterproductive. Between ten-hour shifts, grocery shopping, lawn work, cleaning, turning wrenches, pet care, and doting on his former beloved, he’s been able to eek out some time to pen the above, along with such stories as ‘How Could I Have Been Better?’, ‘The Myth of The Good Man’, ‘Come, Talk To Me’, ‘How Much Longer Must I Do This?’, and the poem ‘Tonight, It’s The Stranger For Me.’ He is currently seeking representation, both legal and literary.
Liasa Leuken, author of the poems ‘You Felt What I Thought’ and ‘Dawn Over His Hands And Knees’ and the self help book ‘How To Use Marriage Without Recognizing’ has finally made it across the stream because of all those stepping stones that didn’t see her coming. Liasa Leuken now lives the way that cannot be recognized by representation.
Pandora Piper PhD, 'You can't spell SHE without HE' and 'Anything Longer Than Wide: A Woman's Case for Patriarchy' graduated valedictorian at MMC Trinity with a triple PHD in 'Effective Masculine Power Dynamics.' She is currently winning a bidding war with fellow, but lesser MMC Trinity graduate, Ms. Lisa Leukin over the land rights of a coastal-forest resort, where she intends to develop the area into a walking park adorned with statues of historically famous womanizers, from Jackie Gleason, to John F. Kennedy. The park will be open to married Men and Women (provided they have their husband's permission) only.
Martin Mayo | Author of 'The Brittany Spears Death Theory' and 'Heretic in the 2020's.' Made headlines after yelling he wanted to burn Liasa Leuken at the stake as a modern day witch and plans to restart the Inquisition in 2025 during a recent CNN interview. Martha Stewart claims that his living room has a floor to ceiling framed photos of Leuken's Vogue bikini shoot when invited to help him plan decor for his dinning room. She also found signed copies of her books and unsent love letters in a buffet drawer she found unlocked while measuring the space.
Lisa Leuken II, 'Soul Bonding With the Sun' and 'It's Not An Orgy. It's Ritual." Completed her PHD in homeopathic spider leg medicine. Like her mother, she also runs a women's resort: "Nude as Nature" where women bond by painting each other with heaps of mud...in the nude. When she is not running her resort she is usually spending her time stamping out rumors of human sacrifice said to plague her resort. Currently involved in two ongoing missing persons investigations.
Maury Mackie, 'Man Roars, Beds Tremble' and 'Phallic Hill: The Response'. Maury is the son of the late Frank TJ Mackie and a graduate of the Jordan Petersen Academy where he specialized in Anti-Postmodern-Neo-Modern-Post-Marxist-Neo-Feminist-Redux. Mackie's mission is men. But mostly it's explaining everything to women. After reading Dianic Phallo Constructs, and being ignored by Liasa Leuken, Mackie founded the Not All Men Channel on Discord. His most recent book 'Enforced Monogamy: Solutions for an insolent world" is available through his Shopify.
Niamh Shea, “My Final Poem,” is a former nomad living in the magical Pacific Northwest. Originally inspired by the jungle-like nature of megacities, she now writes about the healing prowess of nature. In her free time, she searches for the lover who cured her internet addiction. She will return to Chiang Mai, Thailand, upon failure.
Liapold Likely, ‘he didn’t do it,’ and, ‘awful alliteration attributed to alcohol, and, ‘viagra shadow,’ is a community college graduate with her associates in Misandry. She co-owns an airBnB that charges an exorbitant cleaning fee then asks that you clean up after yourself. She owns over 40,000 amethysts and her Etsy store sells nothing.
Tim Ryker, “The Golden Trickle of Youth,” is the author of the revolutionary e-book, “Personal Water Cycling: Boost Creatine, Muscle, and Libido Naturally.” When he is not infiltrating sinister pagan cults that spring up at the seaside resort, Mt. Pubis, Tim spends his days hydroponic gardening and traveling the world in his refurbished school bus with the de-programmed.
Tonya louwick, Bs, BCJ, ‘He Hero: The Hands Under The Cape’ needs no recognition for her undercover work exposing the author of the illicit photo book ‘The Golden Trickle of Youth’. Tonya, along with sister mothers from MMC Trinity, have received threats from Governor J.L. Ryker for successfully exposing Tim’s “world travels” as a part of a child-trafficking syndicate focused on the sale of adolescent girls for “fun, marriage, or life”. Tonya is also “sense” coordinator for the Gaiaic body retreat. This is because Tonya knows that no mountain is yonic. Just like she knows that no phallic is either.
Louis Lowell, author of Spycatcher Revealed, is most known for the Once Upon a Spy series. He resides and keeps tempo in Alkens, Missouri where he plays bass when not working on his next novel. Hey Liasa, or should I say 'Larry', sorry to bug you but I really need those video tapes back.
Chet “Larry” Nance, author of bestselling spy-help novels ‘A Camera In A Loofa Is A Camera In Her Loofa’ and ‘How To Befriend A Drag Queen To Steal His Lady Suite Without Having To Go Gay For It’, is the inventor of the patented Booby Camera. Chet knows what value is in those tapes. Chet knows that they need to be returned. Chet knows not of paying over due fees, ever, even when Blockbuster was still a thing. Chet knows that a good deal will get all those tapes returned, plus the ready for release ‘Liasa Loofa’ film. Chet knows he will increase the likely-hood of a good exchange if Chet can find a good musician for a Bar Mitzvah by the end of tomorrow evening.
Chet Nance knows. Chet Nance, ‘She Says She’s Gay But That’s Not Why She Hates It’ ‘Why Worry About The G-Spot When You Got A Whole Alphabet To Spot With’ is Creative Director for ‘The OTHER Cat Fancy’. When not taking pictures in his van, or doing very artistic breast prints on the inside walls of his van, Chet is exploring the “Yonic Groves”, where he feels along the sacred cave walls, sucking that sapphic flavour off his finger. Tip. Just? Chet knows how to make the finger lickin’ good. Chet knows when his sweats gone down his balls. Chet knows that he drives these females wild. Chet knows that all skeet-skeet motherfuckers. Chet knows he won’t stop til all these bitches crawl.
Alexei Alexandrovich Leurenin, “Bitch, That’s My Daughter You’re Raising To Run From Wolves.” Alexei is a MMA champion and the 10th most popular YouTuber on the West Coast. His brand of unapologetic parenting has earned him the nom de plume “Father of Fathers.”
Almost... but I wasn't sure if this person is the former partner of Liasa. If you'd dropped in a telltale detail that would link them...
S. S. Riley, 'The Undead Mistress of the Kennedy's', M.Ed., MT(ASCP)SM, working on a PhD in Supernatural Science. Look forward for their debut novel, "Ghost Abortions for Sale!", coming this winter. Preferring to let their work speak for itself, S. S. Riley is a pseudonym.
Insert a fake Bio to mess with S. S. Riley, here.
As noted earlier, the name of your responder should begin with a letter that makes it fall after "S.S.Riley" otherwise your pay-off will occur before the set-up. This is the case with all the second-round Bios.
Travaris Monktavian III, 'Saturday Night Palsy in The Name of The Lord,' found regional fame after being blessed with the Christian Writers of Greater Hagerstown Excellence Award in 2022 for his Bible-themed epic titled "Moses Marches on Bogata." The child of a failed abortion attempt, Monktavian III has dedicated his life to stomping out anti-Catholic rhetoric, implementing a worldwide ban on the murder of unborn children, and educating the general public about the dangers of science, in particular the blasphemy spouted by pseudo-scientists such as S.S. Riley and his ilk.
Vivian S. Vaine, 'Plan Boo,' is a self-taught expert in the strategic use of supernatural phenomena and jump scares for late stage family planning. Even though her methods are more effective and controversial than any of the outdated information you'd find in books like "Ghost Abortions for Sale!", and despite the fact that Vivian writes actual true things and not just fiction, she still has the courage to use her actual name. Pseudonyms, she firmly believes, are tacky and for cowards.
Tip Salendas: Professional ghost hunter and author of 'Ghost Hunting in the Quantum Age' and 'Quantum Physics of Death.' Rare book collector and Geocacher. Garnered a large Threads following posting about his prophetic dreams. Posts are for entertainment purposes and Salendas doesn't claim to have the gift of prophecy. Nobody does. Debunked Riley's claims of fetus ghosts with his ghost hunting quantum software 2.5 and stated blobs of cells don't have a soul. Book sales for Riley's upcoming release plummet as readers cancel their preorders.
B. Dahlia, 'How Much Ghost Abortion Can I Get For 50 Bucks?", provides an insightful look into the ghost aborting industry and how it's changing the psychic lives of wealthy, bored women around the world. She spends her days in downtown Berkeley walking the spirits of her 3 dead cats.
Theta Geist, “Bob Chatterly’s Message,” remains the world’s authority on automatic writing and unearths memoirs, novels, and poetry from the afterlife. She advises that academics have no stake to the supernatural and cannot understand what they will not see. Researchers into automatic writing should remember to cite their sources and use their real names. Pseudonyms make cowards. Exercise caution when you select books and resources on the dead. Keep an eye out for the new Christopher Marlowe next winter.
Wilhelmina Thomas, ‘Ghosts Abort a Vacuum: Suck Up the Unalive or Unborn,' invented the BlastaBlastula® proton pack after several failed ghost abortions.
Tessa Zee, in “Profiles in Cowardice”, takes dead aim at claims made by S.S. Riley. Zee also praises the bravery of RFK Jr. in his struggle against brain worms: “I like Bobby. He is my favorite Kennedy. When his brain was hit, he managed to keep it in his head.”
Victoria Chang, "Troubles in Paradise" works for a family planning service in Encino, California. She lives with her wife and two bearded dragons in Reseda and enjoys all things supernatural and paranormal.
S.S. Ripley author of, “barbiturate milkshakes and enemas,” received her PhD in biochemistry after successfully discovering “how many Ativan you can put in someone’s ice cream before they can taste it,” and is being considered for a Nobel Prize. She also wrote, “getting an abortion in every US state,” for vanity fair.
Orel Kell, PsyM., ‘Phantom Pregnancies: What Coat Hangers Won’t Do’ ‘Change The Channel If You Don’t Want Him Talking’ is SanFrancisco’s top psychic-medium in the Bay Area. In his latest book ‘In The White House There Are White Stains Instead Of Blood’ Orel lends his voice to the long line of mistresses that still “reside, relax, and listen” in the halls, and walls, of parliament hill. His natural, innate abilities give him the in-depth advantage that cannot be learned, or taught, or set to a “degree”. His upcoming release has been “seen” by fellow psychics and mediums as “something is coming”. Orel’s newest book has also been lauded by the intuitive society, FeltFirst, as “They’re gonna read this and… know that you know.” When not learning to master the art of Ikebana, Orel writes lullabies for the souls of the aborted.
Liasa Leuken, Head Maiden at MMC Trinity, and lauder of the upcoming release ‘Ghost Abortions For Sale’ has recently contributed to the magazine ‘Historia Veneficii’ the paper ‘Even if The Father is A Phantom, You Can Still Use It Against Him’. In this reading, Liasa praises Riley’s raw ability to “torture any entity of man with his careless seeding.” Liasa’s critique of Riley’s ‘The Undead Mistress of The Kennedy’s’ demonstrates the expansive qualities of the graduates of MMC Trinity to continue the good work of the Dianic Line to ‘Unphallic Hill’ even after the stage of living.
Stephen Sayce, ‘The Ghost With Two Boners.’ Stephen won the prestigious The Incubi, in the award’s inaugural year for his flesh filled take on all beings spiritual. Stephen is considered the first author widely recognized as pioneering the genre of ectoplasmic erotica.
The reading you did recently at "Sixth & i" was a delight. Loved your reaction to the Fight Club circumcision question, you looked stunned. And I loved those lines that went too far about the "I've had the devil on top of me. I've had the devil finish inside me." You piece together these incredibly sticky lines to code painful ideas. It's so good. I'm glad you included them.
Wah? Did they record the post that? Golly.
They posted the video on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5vCk43f6m8
Had to watch it for that moment at 35:40 when he says “It’s a small world.” 💣💣💣💣
That's awesome. I was there, second row. Great time :)
Did you get to ask a question??
No, but I didn't really prepare one either. I was just happy to be there and listen.
That is awesome. I have yet to attend a book reading.
Definitely do, there's nothing like being there. I went to last year's one in Pittsburgh too. Alot of fun.
joe's heart this, joe's kidneys that. inquiring minds want to know about joe's foreskin
Interestingly [to me] I have already riffed on one that has now turned out to be a baseline bio.
Carl Matthews, linebacker of the ringless ‘76 Green Bay Packers wrote a harrowing story about his rapid brain loss. “Brain No good No More,” chronicles what it’s like living as a Super Bowl loser and a former football star with CTE. Carl currently lives in Beaumont, Montana at home with his mother, and guinea pig, Carl Jr.
Peter R. Cunningham, author of “Neon Rain”, unapologetic writer of all things transgressive and taboo, he lives in the rural Scotland Highlands. Since his debut, his writing has garnered both a lot of criticism and acclaim, being described as ‘Unforgiving’ by fellow author Lisa Brook, and as ‘An unfortunate precedent in the history of Literature’ by the London Literary Review. The movie rights for ‘Neon Rain’ are currently being optioned by Warner Brothers, though there has been no update on the potential movie adaptation since the accusations of AI being used to write the source novel - which Peter R. Cunningham has fervently denied - caused something of a controversy last year.
Luther Grimm Biggs, alleged serial murderer on death row and current moderator of Reddit’s /inmatelife rat memes page was granted the Light-Bearer award for his collection of short stories “Undoing Time: Counting Bricks and Prison Myths”. Luther Grimm Biggs continues to assert his innocence while painting watercolor scenes using only found pigments, which he sends to supporters in return for commissary deposits.
Bio
Other than the stories found in his Pushcart Prize winning book 'Come on Our Stage,' Cogler Igstau has no story to tell.
He does—however—summer at his home in the south of France. The remaining seasons are spent in his Manhattan duplex penthouse overlooking the Hudson Riviera with his exotic partner.
Hello,
I am new here, I am not exactly sure if this is the right way to do this. I was led here by two Chuck Palahniuk quotes from my 2011 Hazelden published Recovery Meditation Book Morning Light: A Book of Meditations to Begin Your Day. The author is Amy E. Dean. Thank you for taking the time to read this. The Great Spirit The Creator Has A Master Plan
SUNDAY November 17, 2024 11:41 am EST USA
R. Mendelson, author of "Single Pringles With S/Os", wherein the reader self-inserts themself into fantasy scenarios with unnamed celebrities. Mendelson, 22, is a content creator turned author who got her start on Twiter as a stan account following 1D and later various K-pop idols. When questioned about the psychological effects this pseduo-roleplay could have on readers, Mendelson simply insisted that fiction does affect reality and “as long as it's not hurting anyone, who cares?”