34 Comments

Sweeet. Definitely gotta get one.

Expand full comment
founding

Totally have one for you, John. Readers get goodies!!

Expand full comment

Rad! A whole lot less painful a brand compared to a chemical burn, I’d imagine.

Saw that you got Covid, Chuck. (You seem to have got the virus while sorting out a potential computer virus, and there’s some poetry or irony in that, I think). I said I felt shitty in a post the other day and that could not have been timed worse. I imagine you feel SUPER shitty. Hope you get better soon!

P. S. Have you lost your sense of taste? I had covid back in December and I lost my sense of taste and that’s one of the things I remember most from having covid -- every drink tasting like water and all food tasting like oat.

P. P. S. Have you ever tried posting one of those fake severed arms? I’d imagine the look on the guys face who X-rays/examines the parcel would be priceless.

Expand full comment
author

I used to ship those arms by the hundreds to book events. Never a problem.

Once I smuggled several thousand bacon-scented car air fresheners in through Heathrow. The customs agent opened my bags, saw them brimming with fake bacon, and just waved me on. Those were the days.

Expand full comment
Comment deleted
February 9, 2023
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
author

Amazing how she gets so many laughs out of such a grim story.

Expand full comment

The bacon-scented air fresheners were for your short story ‘Hot Potting’, weren’t they?

Did you ever consider doing the same thing but with fish-scented air fresheners for ‘Snuff’ or ‘Beautiful You?’

Expand full comment
author

Yeah, for Hot Potting people rubbed themselves, not realizing that the scent of bacon is also the scent of people who die by accident in thermal hot springs.

Yeah, right, fish. Nobody makes those.

Expand full comment

No fish? Alright. Moving onto plan B then: https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/q78AAOSw~apfqnoc/s-l1600.jpg

Expand full comment

New York Story Night is happening next week as well! You don't have to read a Valentine's story but you certainly can...

Monday, Feb 13th, 6:00 pm Entry Time & 6:30 pm Start Time

The Churchill Tavern

45 E 28th St, New York, NY 10016

Come if you are in the area. We've got some proper English beers here and some proper proper writers.

Expand full comment

Those are badass!!! Random FYI to anyone who might be interested... Went to a Death Cab show the other night and this band called Momma opened up for them. Really impressive. Their sound reminds me of Cranberries + Pixies. Check out the album Household Name.

Expand full comment
founding

Thank you for telling me about Momma. Really enjoying them. Very Foo Fighters and 90’s feelings.

Expand full comment

You bet. They put on a great show!

Expand full comment
founding

Go Kerri! Very cool idea.

Expand full comment
founding

I can’t take credit. That was all a surprise from my sticker/banner guy, Ryan JOHNQUEST!!

Expand full comment

Eight hours away but I'd love to make it someday!

Expand full comment
founding

A special thank you to Ryan Johnquest for these! He said these are slap ‘em on yer laptop kindah stickers. He’s my go to guy for the label I use on Miss Sassy’s Jams and banners for our concession stands. THANK YOU JOHNQUESTDESIGN.com. Thank you, CHUCK for letting this event happen!

Good wishes to Randy Dong and his readers at the Churchill Tavern for New York Story Night!!

Expand full comment

Ayyy you are the best

Expand full comment
founding

Shhhh don’t let that get out. …in MANHATTAN! Randy’s night is CLASSY! Mine is wild and a party! Can’t wait to hear what stories are coming!!!

Expand full comment

Kerri’s night is SASSY!

Expand full comment
founding

…wish she could come. 😭. We have an adult store out here called Sassy’s Sensations. Hahaa.

Expand full comment

Hey Kerri, can I gets me a complimentary sticker? :D

Expand full comment
founding

Sneaky flattery! I don’t see any feet pics in my inbox. You coming to read? Get off yer toukis and get to Ohio that’s where the stickers are. 🥸

Expand full comment

Hmm tempting, I do have some sexy feet and even sexier stories.

Expand full comment
founding

I’m not shocked or surprised— but intrigued. 🦶🏻👀

Expand full comment

Email?

Expand full comment
founding

Hahaha. Yer bad. I think, maybe, Chuck would be very displeased with me if I did that. Plus, I cherish your decency too much. 🪦💀🥸

Expand full comment

These are fantastic!!!

Expand full comment
founding

Oh this means war! Lol. What would like Mr Palahniuk? Dealer's choice...Ham flavored water? Monster drink flavored ham? Coca-Cola flavored salami???

Expand full comment
founding

Chuck, I would love to start a Great White North Story Night - based here in Edmonton! I’ve been wanting to help develop the fiction scene here a little more and think this format is perfect for bolstering that community.

However, I’m not sure how many people in this substack are in the area/would attend. Curious to hear people’s thoughts!

Expand full comment

These look great!

Expand full comment

Hey Chuck, I think you should write an entire book on how to maintain tension. From what I've learned from the Gloves Off critiques, tension seems vitally important. Is it the most important? And do you have enough to fill a whole book?

Expand full comment

Awesome. Just Awesome. 😁❤

Expand full comment