Hire a hitman that specializes in women and children. Some hitmen might have qualms about killing women and kids, but it’s an untapped market. Imagine how many unruly children there wouldn’t be at restaurants if more hitmen killed kids.
Maybe it’s a needed profession. A 7th grade boy knocked my daughter down and drug her by her backpack into the boys bathroom (kicking and screaming) and blocked the door so she couldn’t leave. She was stuck in there with the rest of the boys who were laughing and screaming at her.
Since then it’s been on my to-do list to befriend a Hell’s Angel.
No, slapping the mother isn’t enough. I’m still waiting to cross paths with that Hell’s Angel, or, at this point, one of those Russian Wagner mercenaries would probably work just as well.
This is the kind of practical writing advice I came to this substack for. I have, in the past, made the mistake of trying to go back to sleep. But--I have promised myself that at the onset of my very next panic attack, I’m working revising the story I’m calling “Ted Bundy’s Exes.” Progress.
A friend opens the door to his new car and brushes the air to his face. This prompts his wife to recount and share specific details she read in Invisible Monsters. “Wow,” she says, “I read that book over ten years ago and still remember.”
The next day I’m hiking with another friend. Something about the trail reminds him of Survivor. He tells me about lines that really stuck with him. “Wow,” he says, “I read that book over ten years ago and still remember.”
“It’s not about being liked; it’s about being remembered.“
You have to love this moment in time, when you can get storytelling tips directly from your favorite writer, message them, watch a CBS feature and go ‘Wow, Chuck is an overalls and galoshes man like me!’. Right now is amazing!
From your lips to God's ears. On Tuesday I'll tour a building where I've always wanted to found the writers workshop. It's a former fraternal hall and has a stage and everything. Getting it is an extremely long, long shot, but that's always been my wheelhouse.
TRAINS! Oh, I love this! I didn't know model trains had clubs and memberships. On their site they said they were forced to move. Their layouts are beautiful though.
I wonder if they would let me install a Godzilla or King Kong on the tracks. For, um, suspense!
That place looks wonderful and has a lot of character. If any property screams and oozes Chuck this one would be it. I would buy it if I had the means. It sounds like if you get it that you would have to add your flair to it. That would get it the extra charm needed to take it to the next level.
More on this soon, but I've been talking to the hypnotist a lot about intentionality. The idea that we state things into being. After the first of the new year I'll be posting to explore that.
I love that message SO much. 💕😁
“Hard to murder”
Challenge accepted!
Wonderful! 🥰
Hire a hitman that specializes in women and children. Some hitmen might have qualms about killing women and kids, but it’s an untapped market. Imagine how many unruly children there wouldn’t be at restaurants if more hitmen killed kids.
Kill em’ all!
Kill half! I think I saw that movie.
Maybe it’s a needed profession. A 7th grade boy knocked my daughter down and drug her by her backpack into the boys bathroom (kicking and screaming) and blocked the door so she couldn’t leave. She was stuck in there with the rest of the boys who were laughing and screaming at her.
Since then it’s been on my to-do list to befriend a Hell’s Angel.
Did you slap the shit out of his mother?
No, slapping the mother isn’t enough. I’m still waiting to cross paths with that Hell’s Angel, or, at this point, one of those Russian Wagner mercenaries would probably work just as well.
Perhaps a visit from the broomstick man is in order.
Really enjoyed this. Thank you.
Full of Christmas cheer. Kinda 😉
This is a great segment !
“I hated the strange disconnect between finding a body torn to pieces in your rose bed, and immediately jumping to: ‘Oh, the game is afoot.’”
To be fair, finding a foot is part of the game.
*laugh track*
Great interview. Seeing you admiring your decorative work at the end was a nice touch.
That was pretty cool!
"...waking up with that FANTASTIC middle of the night anxiety..."
I'm grinning at my fellow readers here, chawing my cud on this one, checking my own bag of nonsense for what I might call fantastic.
It's an interesting shift, when you embrace your night terrors and think: "What can I do with this?"
Ten minutes ago I could never have conceived of "fantastic anxiety." Now it feels like nunchucks.
Here's a link to what I do with night terrors.
https://chuckpalahniuk.substack.com/p/try-this-imagining-the-monster
You nailed that!!! This thread really stood out!!!! Yes!
This is the kind of practical writing advice I came to this substack for. I have, in the past, made the mistake of trying to go back to sleep. But--I have promised myself that at the onset of my very next panic attack, I’m working revising the story I’m calling “Ted Bundy’s Exes.” Progress.
Kill your darlings, but embrace your monsters.
Okay, with that title, you've hooked me. Now I wanna help you check something in your Volkswagen Beetle.
Bravo.
A friend opens the door to his new car and brushes the air to his face. This prompts his wife to recount and share specific details she read in Invisible Monsters. “Wow,” she says, “I read that book over ten years ago and still remember.”
The next day I’m hiking with another friend. Something about the trail reminds him of Survivor. He tells me about lines that really stuck with him. “Wow,” he says, “I read that book over ten years ago and still remember.”
“It’s not about being liked; it’s about being remembered.“
So good! I just love the quote "it's not about being liked it's about being remembered."
David Fincher always says, "A good story should leave a scar."
Speaking of, have you seen ‘The Killer’?
It looks so good! Is it as good as it looks?
I’d say so. Just be prepared to have the songs of The Smiths stuck in your head for hours after seeing it.
I have the day off tomorrow. I may watch it.
My bad, I'm waiting until I can see it at home. Theaters won't stop the film while I go to the john.
Life hack: sneaking a catheter bag into the cinema is actually very easy.
Don't worry Mr. Palahniuk. It's on Netflix right now. I checked. So you can go to the restroom and watch it and stuff.
AT THE SAME TIME
LOLOL. Oh innovation! lololol
Thank you for the Thank you card! So cool! I just love it!
I thought this was a really good interview. The interviewer seemed informed and asked reasonable questions. IMHO.
You have to love this moment in time, when you can get storytelling tips directly from your favorite writer, message them, watch a CBS feature and go ‘Wow, Chuck is an overalls and galoshes man like me!’. Right now is amazing!
You gotta love Muck Boots. And I've had those Carhartt overalls for years and I'm still finding new pockets within pockets.
Cha-ching that is the sound of this news segment turning millions of books in to money this holiday season. Happy Holidays Chuck.
From your lips to God's ears. On Tuesday I'll tour a building where I've always wanted to found the writers workshop. It's a former fraternal hall and has a stage and everything. Getting it is an extremely long, long shot, but that's always been my wheelhouse.
https://www.redfin.com/OR/Portland/5500-SE-Belmont-St-97215/home/26501223
Oh, that place looks fabulous.
Right? First thing, I'd remove the two top floor bedrooms, so the stage room could accommodate more people.
I'd prefer to read in the basement with the concrete walls. It's where my stories belong lol
Since 1978, that basement has housed the Columbia Gorge Model Railroad Club. It moved this year to new digs.
TRAINS! Oh, I love this! I didn't know model trains had clubs and memberships. On their site they said they were forced to move. Their layouts are beautiful though.
I wonder if they would let me install a Godzilla or King Kong on the tracks. For, um, suspense!
That place looks wonderful and has a lot of character. If any property screams and oozes Chuck this one would be it. I would buy it if I had the means. It sounds like if you get it that you would have to add your flair to it. That would get it the extra charm needed to take it to the next level.
Ooooh, my!!! This needs to happen.
More on this soon, but I've been talking to the hypnotist a lot about intentionality. The idea that we state things into being. After the first of the new year I'll be posting to explore that.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intentionality
I’m following the breadcrumbs…
I Gottah say—that basement is perfect for making soap, you know…
That’s the new and improved Paper St. house.
Get rid of the steps— and pull students in after they search around for the door, just like Tom— would be a right of passage.
Awh, man— this is beyond perfect. Just WOW.
The Writer's Workshop!
sign me up for an out of town membership. 👍😀
I love a good building with plants growing on it 🥰
Great interview and decorations. I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving!
Will we have a follow up post to Consolation with who wrote the letter? I’ve got a guess though I may be off the mark.
Let me give more folks a chance to read it. The high language and the ruthless exclusion of one specific element are the clues.
But thank YOU for reading it.
Of course! Just wanted to see if there would be a resolution.
I’ve read it 3 times and I’ve not spotted what’s omitted yet but I think I’ve picked up some clues. Thank you for the festive story and mystery! :)
Gonna get the nuts and bolts of mine down on paper this weekend before I read it.
Glad you’re going to reveal it! I have such a solid theory but I’m gonna feel like such a dummy if I missed the mark lol.
I need to read it more. I need to figure it out!