Chuck, this is absolutely accurate. I have a friend who just started a job with a fairly senior position at a well known brand (being vague since it's not my business to discuss) and after all the salary and benefits and ridiculous perks and discounts the thing they were the most excited and giddy about was the corporate swag box that was shipped to their house. Here's a person who just got a dream job by any definition and they lost their mind over a tshirt and company branded yoga mat.
I'm sure there is a Fight Club quote that would sum this up perfectly but I don't want to be "that guy".
Ever see the 90's movie Heavy directed by James Mangold? The protagonist binge eats during times of stress. A pretty incredible story of loneliness, isolation, and unrequited love. Any big event happens, the main character goes to his candy bars, or donut stash.
I’m not sad, I’m terrified. The anathema! The anti religious possibilities! Okay, now I’m curious... what if vampires played word puzzles to jeep their memory intact? Actually: this reminds me. My dad works for some of the super rich. I have met them and toured their homes. Rich people have the worst taste in culture. People who own baseball teams also own those fake “abstract” slabs of brush strokes. To compare them to Rothko would be like comparing those “binaural music” youtube videos to Brian Eno (which the former is more likely what they listen to).
Taco Tuesday, Bagel Fridays.. I also heard about Vodka Saturdays in a telemarketing company a friend worked at. But, I experienced something different. On every summer day, we'd sneak into a weeding and have a little past midnight roasted chicken special. We can always count on it, no matter how tight the security is.
I used to work at a factory that had “Cheff’s Wednesdays”, it was always the same thing, either strogonoff, lasagna or some watever pasta, but every single Wednesday everyone was just so exited for it, they loved Wednesdays, I just could not standard them both.
I remember when I was working for a large tech company as a home based agent and we would see all of the perks for the in-office agents. They were given free massages, free health check-ups, extra pay. Us home-based agents? We had dance contests. We dance around like idiots alone in our rooms and submit it in hopes of winning an effin t-shirt. I did not participate. I also remember a time our manager kept telling us "You guys are going to get a great holiday gift this year! Just wait!" It turns out we received a chintzy, cheap fleece throw cover big enough to cover my cat. We were so upset.
I used to work in compliance for the largest drug testing provider in the country. This was a health tech company with a bunch of angel investors that struck a gold mine when they figured out how to have someone piss in a cup and have the result show up on a manager’s computer in ten minutes. My job in compliance was to control random drug test selections for about 20 million people across every major US employer you could think of. It was about five to six thousand accounts I was controlling. Me. Just one guy.
The funniest part was these companies would transmit all this sensitive data to me for selections, many of which included spreadsheets with tens of thousands of social security numbers. While my job hardly covered my bills (I had mega credit card debt while working there), what I controlled accounted for about 55% of the company’s revenue. They thought they could pay me shit and I’d never leave. No promotion was in sight -- I was totally pigeon-holed.
To make the pain worse, they would bring us in to their town halls and show use their $100 million quarterly profits -- all the while hiring temps and dishing out mega bonuses to executives. Most people made less than $20 an hour. Our reward? Fucking Chipotle and pizza. So, I bit down hard and oiled the hell out of my position -- making every testing pool run like a goddamn Rolls Royce.
Then when they least expected it, I bailed for a 50% pay increase five days before end of quarter with nobody knowing how to do my job. The reason end of quarter is horrible timing is because every single pool for every single customer runs and each one of those pools had to be scrubbed and updated with their new employee data -- which nobody knew how to do. In the folders that had instructions for each customer, I printed the this meme and left them inside. My dickbag manager texted me the next day while I was in training at my new gig. He was not amused.
I am currently not proud of the things I have done for tips at the bowling alley, lately. Just a slight jiggle of the “ladies,” has me looking down at the black light responsive carpet in deep shame. We sell damn good pizza there, too and The kitchen. also make a “pickle pizza” that’s damn good. Sometimes, I feel like I’m living a teenage dream working there— concerts constantly, fun music, drunk/high folks, great staff—- but my body reminds me of my age sometimes because I can’t stand longer than 5 hours without serious pain anymore. But, the camaraderie with my co-workers and owners, encourage and enforce returning to work when scheduled. 3 years of working alone on my own business to now, jack-in-the box fun and excitement has been quite unusual, to say the least. I’ve been missing my staying home life, lately and wanna get stuck in my head alone again though.
Every quarter or so at my last tech job, we’d have Hot Dog Wednesdays. But not an actual company driven thing, one individual would just want to make them for everyone and would dedicate their lunch to making them for the then 90+ team who wanted in.
If there's only one thing I've learnt in life, as I approach my forties, it's that even more than all being connected by Taco Tuesday (Not that we have that in England. The closest would probably be fish and chips on a friday, but that was back in the day when fish and chips was affordable), we are all, no matter where we work, winging it.
When you're young, you think adults know what they're doing. When you've been an adult for long enough, and have to deal with other adults every day, it doesn't matter how high they have climbed, they are (most of the time) fucking incompetent and just trying to get through the day without fucking up too bad that someone notices.
I interviewed at a place that had Waffle Wednesdays. And a Frisbee golf team. 🙃
Chuck, this is absolutely accurate. I have a friend who just started a job with a fairly senior position at a well known brand (being vague since it's not my business to discuss) and after all the salary and benefits and ridiculous perks and discounts the thing they were the most excited and giddy about was the corporate swag box that was shipped to their house. Here's a person who just got a dream job by any definition and they lost their mind over a tshirt and company branded yoga mat.
I'm sure there is a Fight Club quote that would sum this up perfectly but I don't want to be "that guy".
Thank you for another challenging writing prompt!
Hmm how about execution by black hole? Last meal while being spagettified over millennia.
I used to know some people that worked in the film industry and when I got to really learn about their jobs, I heard stuff like this.
"So and so is super pissed because we ordered burgers from a place that doesn't have milkshakes." Yes, definitely sad.
Ever see the 90's movie Heavy directed by James Mangold? The protagonist binge eats during times of stress. A pretty incredible story of loneliness, isolation, and unrequited love. Any big event happens, the main character goes to his candy bars, or donut stash.
I’m not sad, I’m terrified. The anathema! The anti religious possibilities! Okay, now I’m curious... what if vampires played word puzzles to jeep their memory intact? Actually: this reminds me. My dad works for some of the super rich. I have met them and toured their homes. Rich people have the worst taste in culture. People who own baseball teams also own those fake “abstract” slabs of brush strokes. To compare them to Rothko would be like comparing those “binaural music” youtube videos to Brian Eno (which the former is more likely what they listen to).
Taco Tuesday, Bagel Fridays.. I also heard about Vodka Saturdays in a telemarketing company a friend worked at. But, I experienced something different. On every summer day, we'd sneak into a weeding and have a little past midnight roasted chicken special. We can always count on it, no matter how tight the security is.
I'm pretty sure they have Meth Mondays around these parts.
I used to work at a factory that had “Cheff’s Wednesdays”, it was always the same thing, either strogonoff, lasagna or some watever pasta, but every single Wednesday everyone was just so exited for it, they loved Wednesdays, I just could not standard them both.
I remember when I was working for a large tech company as a home based agent and we would see all of the perks for the in-office agents. They were given free massages, free health check-ups, extra pay. Us home-based agents? We had dance contests. We dance around like idiots alone in our rooms and submit it in hopes of winning an effin t-shirt. I did not participate. I also remember a time our manager kept telling us "You guys are going to get a great holiday gift this year! Just wait!" It turns out we received a chintzy, cheap fleece throw cover big enough to cover my cat. We were so upset.
I used to work in compliance for the largest drug testing provider in the country. This was a health tech company with a bunch of angel investors that struck a gold mine when they figured out how to have someone piss in a cup and have the result show up on a manager’s computer in ten minutes. My job in compliance was to control random drug test selections for about 20 million people across every major US employer you could think of. It was about five to six thousand accounts I was controlling. Me. Just one guy.
The funniest part was these companies would transmit all this sensitive data to me for selections, many of which included spreadsheets with tens of thousands of social security numbers. While my job hardly covered my bills (I had mega credit card debt while working there), what I controlled accounted for about 55% of the company’s revenue. They thought they could pay me shit and I’d never leave. No promotion was in sight -- I was totally pigeon-holed.
To make the pain worse, they would bring us in to their town halls and show use their $100 million quarterly profits -- all the while hiring temps and dishing out mega bonuses to executives. Most people made less than $20 an hour. Our reward? Fucking Chipotle and pizza. So, I bit down hard and oiled the hell out of my position -- making every testing pool run like a goddamn Rolls Royce.
Then when they least expected it, I bailed for a 50% pay increase five days before end of quarter with nobody knowing how to do my job. The reason end of quarter is horrible timing is because every single pool for every single customer runs and each one of those pools had to be scrubbed and updated with their new employee data -- which nobody knew how to do. In the folders that had instructions for each customer, I printed the this meme and left them inside. My dickbag manager texted me the next day while I was in training at my new gig. He was not amused.
https://images.app.goo.gl/YEBdetiWMHq9Qte88
I am currently not proud of the things I have done for tips at the bowling alley, lately. Just a slight jiggle of the “ladies,” has me looking down at the black light responsive carpet in deep shame. We sell damn good pizza there, too and The kitchen. also make a “pickle pizza” that’s damn good. Sometimes, I feel like I’m living a teenage dream working there— concerts constantly, fun music, drunk/high folks, great staff—- but my body reminds me of my age sometimes because I can’t stand longer than 5 hours without serious pain anymore. But, the camaraderie with my co-workers and owners, encourage and enforce returning to work when scheduled. 3 years of working alone on my own business to now, jack-in-the box fun and excitement has been quite unusual, to say the least. I’ve been missing my staying home life, lately and wanna get stuck in my head alone again though.
We had old fashion fridays. Bulliet Rye old fashioneds
I was relieved to work at a place that had 'pay' day, though it was infrequent.
Every quarter or so at my last tech job, we’d have Hot Dog Wednesdays. But not an actual company driven thing, one individual would just want to make them for everyone and would dedicate their lunch to making them for the then 90+ team who wanted in.
If there's only one thing I've learnt in life, as I approach my forties, it's that even more than all being connected by Taco Tuesday (Not that we have that in England. The closest would probably be fish and chips on a friday, but that was back in the day when fish and chips was affordable), we are all, no matter where we work, winging it.
When you're young, you think adults know what they're doing. When you've been an adult for long enough, and have to deal with other adults every day, it doesn't matter how high they have climbed, they are (most of the time) fucking incompetent and just trying to get through the day without fucking up too bad that someone notices.