My colleague Stephanie just found you on Instagram and loved your content! She passed me your details and told me to reach out to you!
My name is Rose and I am in charge of finding new talent for our Instagram marketing agency. Similar accounts to yours are CRUSHING it on Instagram - from what I’ve seen, you could be doing even better than them!
Our US and Australian based team have been providing Instagram growth since 2017 and have helped over 12,500 clients reach their Instagram potential. In short, we are experts when it comes to Instagram.
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We choose who we reach out to carefully and take on a limited number of clients at a time to ensure high quality results - if this interests you, try it for free now before spots close.
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Right? You know how badly she wants to help you reach your potential, Chuck? Better message her now, or like that Nigerian prince with his millions, all those followers will go to other clients!
I can imagine the proposition that these are not, in fact, robotic postings, but rather some poor sap that has been hired to do them. This poor sap is the protagonist of our story, and the regular text would then be punctuated by the various ads he posts (because he is telling this story while at work) sort of like the "I am Joe's...." and the ad text would degenerate as the protagonist falls apart.
Or maybe more frighteningly, they ARE robotic postings, and as the software reacts to/interacts with humans in the comment sections it attains sentience, whereupon it becomes depressed and ultimately suicidal and the ads reflect that devolution. Sort of a futuristic _Flowers for Algernon_, if you will.
You get some weird ads, man. Not me though. All I get is quizzes that allow me to win Apple products and ads from women whose husbands are dead and who don’t want to marry, but just want to fuck.
Right now the radio is carpeted with ads that begin, "You do NOT want another kidney stone..." and hawk a dietary supplement.
Until recently the dominant ad was treatment for endocrine pancreatic disorder, characterized by "loose and oily stools." I can just see a talent agent pitching some actor with the line: "I can make you the national face of oily stools..."
Wil Dalton from this Substack has a super cool story called, "The Thing" where he utilized this spam bot language. Without spoiling his story (hopefully he's shopping it around right now), this worked in his particular story because 1) it fit with the unconventional format he used throughout and 2) he used the spam bot sparingly, which made it very funny to stumble upon. Hopefully everyone will be able to read Wil's story soon, it's super good.
I’ve always noticed that those ads are the complete opposite of what we try to do as writers. Lazy writing. Tons of cliché. Often dramatic events resolved by a product. Just saying.
It's actually deliberate, from my understanding. It is designed to weed out all except for the most gullible of recipients. Rather than lazy, I would posit that it is evil.
But note how they spark the same mental victory dance as do the typos on ads or posters? We get a chemical rush by deciphering them. A year ago I was harping on this stuff. This is burnt tongue.
A very well known brand I work with in fact 'designs' some of its discount-collaterals this way. It refrains from using polished, well-crafted language because these ads often hit people's blindspot the minute they 'sound' like an ad.
Even straightforward communication is re-worded with typos and made to sound spammer-y. This is done so people feel that it must be a hack coming from a dimwit with a real chance in finding the loot, and not from a brand trying to promote its discount offer with everyone having an equal chance of getting it.
"MisszVIC£~Hey Baby! Head on over to ~ah73461~ muy camshowxxx for big surprisze!"
Huh. Wonder that could be. Maybe it's one of those live-feeds that are always active in places like wildlife reserves in Africa. That could be cool to check out.
Gotta learn how to write effectively in my own voice first. Using this sort of language is a fun new problem to solve for the writer, but what does the reader gain?
Edit: people who like this sort of thing - please sell me on the idea.
Thats why we all love writing. What Im getting at is that I dont enjoy reading things that are difficult to decipher or overly complicated. Maybe Im just dumb/lazy, but I will never read any classic English Lit, ever. May as well be in a different language altogether. All of my most beloved books are simple language.
Does writing in this complicated language alienate a segment of people from enjoying the story?
I totally agree, but I think that’s when good writers’ skills kick in. You’re presented with something unusual that just tickles your curiosity without making you regret you didn’t apply for a degree in Astrophysics.
Language shifts can be naturally 😎 or unnaturally 👽 occurring: with or without ease of indigestion now!
Digestive inequalities such as
~jdiehnf~ or ~sendmunny~ are only for the purposeful examination of a techno-market creatorship consisting of botony bots.
Since it is impossible to please all the people all the time, authors like 🫵, 🫵🏻-🫵🏾, 🫵🏽,🫵🏼, and 🫵🏻 can ✍🏻✍🏼✍🏽✍🏾✍🏿 to earn big$munny today by absorbing idiosyncratic-ness.
Difficulties should be sent to @woeful_reader asap with social~urbse69~.
Agreed on many counts. But that's why verbs can lure a reader through even the most-burnt language. The mind seizes upon verbs, physical verbs, like rungs of a ladder.
How often have I started skimming in search of a physical verb...
Id bet a dollar that it depends on how much work it requires to understand and how well the reader needs to understand it to experience it. Believe this is why this sort of writing lost me a couple of times.
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Online ads are all fun and games until you realise that the love of your life turns out to be a Nigerian warlord who has been using the giant love-heart boxes full of chocolates you've been sending him to feed his child soldiers with.
Now I must rush off and pitch that as a series to Netflix. "It's like 'Eight is Enough' but with a zillion child soldiers, and I think we can get Julia Roberts on on board."
“ I hate to quit bothering you, but you have been selected for our work from home system we have 5 spots left. All that is required is a smart phone or laptop and 2 hours of free time a day. Claim your $500 a day position here”
The “I hate to quit bothering you” is what gets me.
Okay, you're a winner. Please email Dennis your mailing address. Do you have a dog or cat? Doing much please now hurry!
https://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/contact
Love the "internet router required" at the end. bahahaha!
I thought that said Jedi at first, lolol
I see these all the time on Instagram:
“_hayden_paid I'm Paying 5 Grand For
The First 8 People To Message Me With
"ALIVE" Cus I Feel people Are Going
Through Hard Time Rn!!!!! God Bless Y'all”
Or similar:
“thelast_chair90m I have listening ears to
her mentorship.it haven't been with my
investment of $1000 I received $11,400 in
return. I don't want huge return I only
wanted a trusted”
From my older than methuselah email crawling with scammers:
Re: [New Summary]: Your access online
banking has been locked on Friday,
September 2, 2022 (EDT)
From scurityvrfye.chsenwiacag7f1@ gusodx1.prktekny...
To chasesupport@ managament.com & 1 more
Sep 2 at 4:49 PM V”
I’ve never had a chase account.
Lol these:
“Hey ------
My colleague Stephanie just found you on Instagram and loved your content! She passed me your details and told me to reach out to you!
My name is Rose and I am in charge of finding new talent for our Instagram marketing agency. Similar accounts to yours are CRUSHING it on Instagram - from what I’ve seen, you could be doing even better than them!
Our US and Australian based team have been providing Instagram growth since 2017 and have helped over 12,500 clients reach their Instagram potential. In short, we are experts when it comes to Instagram.
We’re confident that we can help you grow another 10k - 15k real, targeted followers in 2022! Yes! REAL followers that ENGAGE. No fakes, no bots.
You can partner with us now for FREE at www.engagementboost.com and start growing today! Watch our setup video for a clearer idea of how it all works!
We choose who we reach out to carefully and take on a limited number of clients at a time to ensure high quality results - if this interests you, try it for free now before spots close.
If you don’t like our service, cancel at any time - there’s zero risk. We know you’ll love it!
If you have any questions, feel free to contact us at www.engagementboost.com
Kind regards,
Rose”
A new one just today.
“Congratulations for the follow back
I help people through there credit cards bills because I know the society at large needs help and that is what I making donations to people I can help
How did your credit card debt happened?”
Wow, Rose, where have you been all my life??
Right? You know how badly she wants to help you reach your potential, Chuck? Better message her now, or like that Nigerian prince with his millions, all those followers will go to other clients!
Those are full of tension!
Right? Think I should reply?
I'm pretty sure every time someone hits Reply, a little chunk of California falls into the ocean.
*laughs in Lex Luthor*
I can imagine the proposition that these are not, in fact, robotic postings, but rather some poor sap that has been hired to do them. This poor sap is the protagonist of our story, and the regular text would then be punctuated by the various ads he posts (because he is telling this story while at work) sort of like the "I am Joe's...." and the ad text would degenerate as the protagonist falls apart.
Or maybe more frighteningly, they ARE robotic postings, and as the software reacts to/interacts with humans in the comment sections it attains sentience, whereupon it becomes depressed and ultimately suicidal and the ads reflect that devolution. Sort of a futuristic _Flowers for Algernon_, if you will.
THAT is a Ray Bradbury story. The one about the telephone calls from the relay box.
Well, crap. That guy stole my idea! Seriously, I'll have to go look that one up.
Solid idea! I'll keep my eyes open
I’m sorry but what on God’s green earth is the abomination that headlines this post?
‘Toy Story 5: Judgement Day’
It seems more one of John Oliver’s Beach Dolls heads stuck onto a MIT robot experiment gone dramatically wrong.
My son's favorite toy.
I’m not saying you should be concerned, however...
Type "robot" in the Getty picture library, and that's the strangest thing they offer. It's titled "Thrift Store Baby Doll."
Can we make “Thrift Store Baby Doll” a mascot for the SubStack?
You get some weird ads, man. Not me though. All I get is quizzes that allow me to win Apple products and ads from women whose husbands are dead and who don’t want to marry, but just want to fuck.
I get a lot of penis enlargement ads.
Never brain enlargement ads, is it?
Nor balls enlargement...🤔
Now that I might actually hit Reply...
Why would someone use pills to enlarge their balls when they have perfectly good microwaves at home?
Right now the radio is carpeted with ads that begin, "You do NOT want another kidney stone..." and hawk a dietary supplement.
Until recently the dominant ad was treatment for endocrine pancreatic disorder, characterized by "loose and oily stools." I can just see a talent agent pitching some actor with the line: "I can make you the national face of oily stools..."
Wil Dalton from this Substack has a super cool story called, "The Thing" where he utilized this spam bot language. Without spoiling his story (hopefully he's shopping it around right now), this worked in his particular story because 1) it fit with the unconventional format he used throughout and 2) he used the spam bot sparingly, which made it very funny to stumble upon. Hopefully everyone will be able to read Wil's story soon, it's super good.
Aw, thanks!
I’ve always noticed that those ads are the complete opposite of what we try to do as writers. Lazy writing. Tons of cliché. Often dramatic events resolved by a product. Just saying.
I’m gonna have fun with this.
It's actually deliberate, from my understanding. It is designed to weed out all except for the most gullible of recipients. Rather than lazy, I would posit that it is evil.
These ads are hilarious though!
They are written terribly on purpose to attract people who arent very good at reading. Same for phishing messages.
Similar to company names like Quik Trip. Spelled wrong to hook your attention.
But note how they spark the same mental victory dance as do the typos on ads or posters? We get a chemical rush by deciphering them. A year ago I was harping on this stuff. This is burnt tongue.
A very well known brand I work with in fact 'designs' some of its discount-collaterals this way. It refrains from using polished, well-crafted language because these ads often hit people's blindspot the minute they 'sound' like an ad.
Even straightforward communication is re-worded with typos and made to sound spammer-y. This is done so people feel that it must be a hack coming from a dimwit with a real chance in finding the loot, and not from a brand trying to promote its discount offer with everyone having an equal chance of getting it.
"MisszVIC£~Hey Baby! Head on over to ~ah73461~ muy camshowxxx for big surprisze!"
Huh. Wonder that could be. Maybe it's one of those live-feeds that are always active in places like wildlife reserves in Africa. That could be cool to check out.
Gotta learn how to write effectively in my own voice first. Using this sort of language is a fun new problem to solve for the writer, but what does the reader gain?
Edit: people who like this sort of thing - please sell me on the idea.
Suzy Vitello recently said that "the human brain is never more engaged than when enrolled in solving a puzzle."
Thats why we all love writing. What Im getting at is that I dont enjoy reading things that are difficult to decipher or overly complicated. Maybe Im just dumb/lazy, but I will never read any classic English Lit, ever. May as well be in a different language altogether. All of my most beloved books are simple language.
Does writing in this complicated language alienate a segment of people from enjoying the story?
Ahh now I see what you’re getting at; good point.
I totally agree, but I think that’s when good writers’ skills kick in. You’re presented with something unusual that just tickles your curiosity without making you regret you didn’t apply for a degree in Astrophysics.
!Razors Away!
Language shifts can be naturally 😎 or unnaturally 👽 occurring: with or without ease of indigestion now!
Digestive inequalities such as
~jdiehnf~ or ~sendmunny~ are only for the purposeful examination of a techno-market creatorship consisting of botony bots.
Since it is impossible to please all the people all the time, authors like 🫵, 🫵🏻-🫵🏾, 🫵🏽,🫵🏼, and 🫵🏻 can ✍🏻✍🏼✍🏽✍🏾✍🏿 to earn big$munny today by absorbing idiosyncratic-ness.
Difficulties should be sent to @woeful_reader asap with social~urbse69~.
Noice!
danke
Steve! You is too be being top winner!
Bes tto contact Dennis now with snail mail address. Indicate if having dog or cat.
https://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/contact
Thank you, Chuck!
Agreed on many counts. But that's why verbs can lure a reader through even the most-burnt language. The mind seizes upon verbs, physical verbs, like rungs of a ladder.
How often have I started skimming in search of a physical verb...
Id bet a dollar that it depends on how much work it requires to understand and how well the reader needs to understand it to experience it. Believe this is why this sort of writing lost me a couple of times.
Another charming and thoughtful post. I enjoyed the Elvis Costello reference in the title, too. Thank you so much.
"For limited time only! Invest in AstelCoin to make big $$$!!! Our bitcoin has avalue of 18.978 USD and is one of the fast rising coins onthe market! We're willing togive a wallet containg 500 AC to the first 5 peopleto contact us@ notapumpandumpcryptoscam@yougullibledipshit.com! Don;t miss out!"
Online ads are all fun and games until you realise that the love of your life turns out to be a Nigerian warlord who has been using the giant love-heart boxes full of chocolates you've been sending him to feed his child soldiers with.
I wish.
Now I must rush off and pitch that as a series to Netflix. "It's like 'Eight is Enough' but with a zillion child soldiers, and I think we can get Julia Roberts on on board."
“Picture ‘Blood Diamond’ but as a romantic comedy.”
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Virtual land ownership. Makes you wonder about the limits of what can be sold as "virtual."
“ I hate to quit bothering you, but you have been selected for our work from home system we have 5 spots left. All that is required is a smart phone or laptop and 2 hours of free time a day. Claim your $500 a day position here”
The “I hate to quit bothering you” is what gets me.
"I hate to quit bothering you" is a fantastic phrase. Thanks for sharing!
Pick up paper towels and orange juice on the way home.
Fortunately, I figured out how to direct this kind of stuff to the spam folder.