102 Comments

You have the best ideas. And here is another one. Thank you!

Expand full comment
author

Right? I vote for a Jackass reboot.

Expand full comment

Dude, we are so Jackass material!

Expand full comment

I'll buy a red pleather jacket and rassle the kangaroo as old Tyler.

Expand full comment
founding

Hi, I am Johny Knoxville and this is the donkey kick kangaroo in a book store.

We would all get the boot. lol

Expand full comment

Hi, I'm Chuck Palahniuk and this is the Australian Backpack. I'm gonna jump on the back of a roided-out kangaroo and see how long it holds me.

Expand full comment

And make sure you have them take off their shoes before they figure out what’s going on.

Congrats on the four months!

Expand full comment

How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight with a kangaroo?

Expand full comment
author

Elon can take that challenge.

Expand full comment

Isn’t he busy getting ready to fight that giant, bipedal lizard that owns Facebook?

Expand full comment

Woah! Dude! I respect your deep cuts.

Expand full comment

New law: A billionaires must annually fight a kangaroo to keep their money. Can you imagine how jacked they’d be by the day of the fight? What they’d do to keep their money?

Expand full comment
Jul 25, 2023Liked by Chuck Palahniuk

Fantastic news. Been wishing you well, virtually, on the sobriety front since you mentioned it so really pleased to hear it's been four months now. Rooting for you.

Expand full comment
founding

When I began to read the sentence about the live kangaroo, the first thing I thought was, “Oh, that’s a terrible idea.” Glad you declined. I don’t want you to go out like that.

Expand full comment
author

Imagine that poor animal facing 800 people? Mayhem ensues.

Expand full comment
founding

Yuuuup. They’re cute, until they’re not.

Expand full comment

Congratulations!

Expand full comment
author

Yeah, I can finally wear my normal fat clothes. Thanks!

Expand full comment

Congrats on the sobriety. I've been working on it myself. Not always easy, but worth it.

Expand full comment

Being pummelled to death by a kangaroo would certainly set an interesting precedent for author deaths. You’d have subsequent authors trying to one up your death with increasing ludicrous animal-related deaths. “Breaking: American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis killed in freak elephant stampede incident.” And “Acclaimed Trainspotting author Irvine Welsh savagely mauled and hospitalised by Bengal Tiger while doing signings at event. His condition is currently critical.”

Expand full comment

It seems like you are just sad no one staged an intervention for you. We can throw a party for you at a pastry shop and let you get a sugar high on jelly filled carbohydrates. Then direct you to a staged intervention on all the bad TV that you binge watch on Netflix. Chuck, I know this is hard to hear but you have a crippling addiction to.......

Expand full comment

We can chase him around town in a van.

Expand full comment

. . . Veins swell

You know me well enough to tell

Five steps you're over . . .

Expand full comment

After that, we can stage a pastry intervention for me at a bookstore. Its not normal to buy $30 worth of pastries for one person.

Expand full comment

Of course you post while I’m at work in the ER. Will read later. :(

Expand full comment

I'm looking forward to your miraculous weight loss journey memoir where you share how you just replaced every glass of wine with four doughnuts.

Expand full comment

And you feel good? A little bit better physically and mentally?

Expand full comment

Chuck is a scumlord, he'll never survive this.

Expand full comment

What was it Jesse Pinkman said about Walter White on that one episode? "HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!"

Expand full comment
founding
Jul 25, 2023·edited Jul 25, 2023

Awwwh! There you go! 4 months?! Man, that’s really great. I celebrate YOU! Egg said she’s going to stage an intervention because she wants french fries and ice cream. All the hugs and support.

Expand full comment

Are you actually a True Alcoholic like Big Book says?

Expand full comment

I've had an intervention, once, it was mainly my sister trying to put me on blast.

Expand full comment

I love fake caring about people! Say, can we take this intervention up a notch during the holidays. Add a dash of Project Mayhem to it by dressing up like three ghosts and breaking into said frenemy’s house at night. Eat his food. Drink his booze. Graffiti his walls. Change his life by thinking he’s being visited by the Manson Family for chugging one too many eggnogs. We can call this new tradition Pullin’ A Dickens. The rest of the world can refer to it as a felony.

Congrats on your sobriety, Chuck.

Expand full comment

I heard reccently somewhere that Dickens was antisemitic. Can anyone confirm/deny that?

Expand full comment