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Let’s Mess with the Novel on a Meta Level

This is Going to be Amazing

Every story is an experiment, and no story or book is complete unless at some point the language goes to chaos. Whether that means running the page numbers backward (Survivor) or hopping the reader between non-consecutive chapters (Invisible Monsters Redux) or including deliberate typographical errors (Shock Induction), I love to mess with the traditional physical aspects of a book. Music gets to do that, so why can’t books and stories? Movies are constantly evolving, so why not prose fiction?

With that in mind, let’s pool some flash fictions. Trust me, I know where this is headed.

One of my favorite elements in any story collection is the About the Contributors page(s) near the back of the book. There, each contributing author has submitted a small bio about themself. The bios are clearly self-written, each just one paragraph. Some are coy and cutesy. Others are so loaded with mentions of obscure awards and fellowships and being short-listed for this-or-that prize, that you want to find the author on Facebook and see if all that insecurity shows in their photos.

Whether the anthology is horror, fantasy, sci-fi, or romance, each can be a hot house of egos. The posturing. The interpersonal politics. Thwarted romances. Unhappy business dealings. Imagine: How could these play out on the About the Contributors page?

A typical bio follows a form: the author’s name, then the name of their work included in this collection, then whatever they choose to put forth. For now, some examples:

The Coy Awe-Shucks Author Bio

Randy Shaw, Wipe Clean the Martian Moon!, makes his home in Bethesda with the love of his idyllic life, Lola, and their three hamsters: Petey, Little Petey, and Ding-Dong. Most sunny days you’ll find him fly fishing the North Fork of the Yousalla. A special shout-out to Richard Matheson. Shaw’s favorite color is vermilion.

The Self-Inflated Author Bio

Payne Turvich, Crepuscular, Inc., is a three-time recipient of the prestigious South-Southeast Lewis County Literary Promise Award. Payne’s story, Skyward, Forever, Skyward, was short-listed for the Future Writers of America Award and the Fiction Without Limits Prize. Of Payne’s debut novel, Hoofprints in the Dust of Destiny, the esteemed writer Serene Blume once said, “Payne writes with almost an iridescent brilliance that shimmers to a lapidary multivalent inevitability.” The Rocky Mountain Evening Shopper has described Payne as “The best new voice yet produced by Indiana State Community College this academic year.”

The Self-Promoting Author Bio

Liam Creswell-Adams, with Aloft in the Muscular Hands of Prometheus, we’re served up a savory sample of the author’s novel, Devil Stare, available for purchase at DevilStareTheNovel.com. The author’s other works, including the six-volume Blood of Hearts series, have sold over three hundred copies and have been optioned for development by Empty Landscape Film. Creswell-Adams is available to speak to book clubs throughout eastern Montana and the Dakotas. This autumn, look for his newest offering, Teeth of Broken Obsidian. You can contact him at DrLiamCreswell-Adams.com.

The Withholding, Dismissive Author Bio

Cassandra Hernandez, Artificially Sweetened Dreams, works as a molecular biologist and keeps pretty much her own company.

The Evasive Author Bio

M. B. Wu, Saga of the Cream Worms, prefers to sidestep fame. “M. B. Wu” is a pseudonym.

Note: Sci-fi, horror and fantasy writers seem wedded to using their initials.

Now the Writing Exercise

In the Comments below, each of you can create one to four author bios. I’d suggest one longer — around 250 words — and one shorter — maybe 80 words. Vary the lengths. Invent the author’s name and the name of the story included in this invented anthology. Begin some “cross talk.” For example, Serene Blume can be a contributor and lash out at Payne Turvich.

Invent long strings of college degrees. Perhaps what’s most creepy about these bios is that they’re people writing about themselves in the third-person. This game amounts to an exercise in voice-y third-person that totally submerges the “I.”

Once you’ve posted a critical mass of invented Contributors, the fun begins. You can read what’s been posted by others and tweak your own bios — just hit Edit Post — in relation to any and all. You can claim the authority of obscure organizations: “Per the West Huntingham Horror Alliance no winner was chosen, contrary to whatever (other Contributor) may claim.” Your faux Contributors may allude to Comic-Cons, Horror Cons, love affairs, rivalries, herpes, stolen ideas, lawsuits, restraining orders, bastard offspring, yo mamas, HP Lovecraft, and the off-putting personal habits of one another.

Each time you revisit the growing Comments, you’re free to invent new gripes or crushes between the writers. In this way the overall “story” will grow from every direction, not just from the start to the finish. Eventually, we might cut-and-paste for a better flow, but the first draft will be up here for a month as it just continues to swell. We can create and revise it for one month.

Above all, escalate. Over the next thirty days, an antagonistic “Well, what are you gonna do about it?!” mood should build. Invent great names. Invent good story titles. Invent pretentious/obscure Awards and Grants. Have fun.

Again, this is Flash Fiction — you may write two, three, or four bios, but keep them short. If it helps, look up the Contributor page in several collections, to get the tone right. Revisit the Comments as other people post, then look for ways your fake authors can take jibes at other fake authors. In a month, heck, we might have a novella. Horror novellas are very popular right now.

“Suffice to say Randy Shaw won’t be fly fishing much with his throat slashed. The double-crosser.”

Let’s Mess With the Story Collection on a Meta Level and have Fun.

Give it some thought. Improvise. Lotta thought + little writing = Pithy good reading.