Ephemera: Go Coyotes

Plus some housekeeping

Chuck Palahniuk giving head

But first a story

This past weekend I attended my (sort of) forty-fifth high-school reunion. Sort-of because my actual forty-fifth will be in 2025. This was my older sister’s class, the big kids my peers and I had always admired. Columbia High School in Burbank, Washington. Out of a class of some fifty students, about twenty came back. A fair number have died; not that it means anything, but it was mostly the bullies who’ve since been stabbed or shot or have fallen mysteriously dead in their own front yards. One has gone to prison for multiple rapes.¹

The photo above shows me holding the head of Wile E. Coyote, our school mascot, while standing in the multipurpose room. My own class hasn’t staged a successful reunion since no one showed for the ten-year in 1990, but this weekend a classmate named Joyce—shout out to Joyce, Class of 1980—also attended. She and I played tennis barefoot for two hours, and it was a blast to trade volleys and gossip, and today the soles of my feet are all over blood blisters.

Go Coyotes! Go Purple and Gold!

Now for the housekeeping

To Patrick in Minneapolis, yes, please. You can be a Kangaroo Helper, and I’ve now got a Medium, a Large, and an X-Large kangaroo suit for each evening event. Yes, that means three slots are available. Three!

To David in El Cajon, if you act nice and whisper to the Book Soup people at the Los Angeles event that I’ve given permission, yes, I’ll scribble in your book. However, in exchange I expect you to show up a tad early and to help sort tour shit and possibly even help inflate the many life-sized kangaroos I’ll bring.

To Mike Fleming at Deadline, as you can see below, even my own cherished high school seems to have banned my books from their library. So I’m not miffed to hear that all the high schools in Tallahassee, Florida have banned Doomed. Young impressionable minds must be protected. As a banned author I find myself in excellent company.

Why am I not on this shelf?

To Adam in Denver, on this tour I’m doing seven day-long signing events. These include Denver for various reasons, many having to do with the problem of snagging an event space. My big problem is that I can’t pull off a showy event and also meet everyone and sign their books; that just takes too much time and energy from me and the book store. As a happy experiment I’ll be at the Tattered Cover all day to meet and talk and be a human being. This go-round I’ll be doing the shit-throwing events you remember, but in nine other cities. Making sixteen events, total. If you recall, at those shit-throwing events everyone gets a pre-signed book while I skate out the door at the end.

Thank you for coming to the last Boulder event, it was a killer evening and amazing fun, especially throwing stuff at people in an ancient church. My heart broke a little when I saw that this year Denver and Salt Lake City are day-long book signings. Both have hosted fantastic events. If you can get to a city where I’ll be throwing candy and kangaroos (Phoenix?), please whisper to the peeps in charge and I’ll deputize you as a Kangaroo Helper.

In closing

In closing, if anyone knows the current whereabouts of Jake Shreves, super hottie from Columbia High School Class of 1979, please tell him to call me. Ask if he’s still got the ruffled shirt and bow tie.²

1. Of course, this was the shy, soft-spoken kid who no one remembered. Still waters run deep and sometimes get hooked on drugs and rape a lot.

2. And Marilyn Scrimsher was also there. She’s still a total fox.