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Colton, you beat me to it haha

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Dean Koontz.

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I have a good Koontz story to tell here sometime...

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Yes, I want to hear it too!

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I'm teasing it because it's not really good. It's just about his giant house in Santa Barbara. He's a fan of Frank Lloyd Wright so every major room is decorated in a different Wright style. The house is so large that it takes one man a full month to wash the windows, and once the last is clean he must begin again with the first.

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Sounds a bit obsessive. I like it. Hopefully if he dies it’s on the last one.

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As it should be

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I love me Dean Koontz. He taught me a lot about dogs through his writing and didn't own any dogs until I was bout 29

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Sounds like laundry with toddlers. Infinity folding. I'd rather follow this thread than have wrinkle free shirts anyway.

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Oh oh oh

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See below.

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On the floor?

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Mom, is that you .................???????

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George RR Martin

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You are heartless!

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I'm strictly betting the odds as I see them.

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I can't lie, I wouldn't exactly be sad

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James Patterson- if he isn’t a damn robot by now lol.

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Just Wikipediad Alice Munro, I'm going with her:

"At a Toronto appearance in October 2009, Munro indicated that she had received treatment for cancer and for a heart condition requiring coronary-artery bypass surgery.[38] "

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Please not Annie Proulx.

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Chuck Palahniuk!! Yes. The boy dared give the man his own name.

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Dude, you're betting on a loser, here. Got my booster shot yesterday. Never felt better... except for this pain in my chest...

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If you die of myocarditis they'll say it was the steroids.

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Hah! Rogan hooked me up. I'll be a monster in thirty days. A beast.

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Given that you said it makes you unable to write, I'm gonna ask that you abstain for the time being.

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Who needs to read and write when they have massive guns and a 25-inch drop between waist and chest measurements. I want all my veins to be on the OUTSIDE.

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Ah you must have taken the Pfizer vaccine.

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And I finally got dewormed. That stuff works.

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I don't have the heart to look up the dildos. LOL I have company over and they stumble through my search history and then I would have to tell them. "I can explain. Mr. Palahniuk said..."

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That's what you say to all the ladies i'm sure. ;P

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Yeah. But now you might be worried. That’s how voodoo works!

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You with your western voodoo. Wait until I bust out some old country Ukrainian mojo. Right now I'm painting your picture on an egg so in the afterlife you will be my eternal slave. Just say'n.

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You actually need to use tetrodotoxin or puffer fish venom when etching in the egg. Just sayin'

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Omg. May you always have paska and pierogis, a plenty!

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If you die I will take out my 22 year old Tyler Durden 70’s flower print shirt and wear it under my scrubs in mourning for a month.

But please don’t.

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I got a replica of the motorcycle t shirt he wore. Someone also made a replica of the Black Sugar tank top but it was like $300.

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The one I had was close to the one Brad Pitt wore in the chemical burn scene. Found it at the salvation army as an angsty 18 year old in 99. Perfect age to become a space monkey.

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Don’t even joke!

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Danielle Steele

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Oooh, good one. How about Joan Collins? Candace Bushnell?

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R.L. Stine comes to mind.

Chuck, don't you fucking dare think about you winning this contest. :|

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Just to be crystal clear... No one can place a bet and then go kill that writer. That would be cheating.

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RemovedDec 17, 2021·edited Dec 17, 2021
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I imagine Rick Sanchez staring at a computer screen, reading this, putting down the gun and then he goes to watch his multiverse TV.

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Alright, as long as we're all playing fair 😤

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Noam Chompsky is unfortunately getting up there in age. I hope I am wrong in this game.

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Cormac McCarthy

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Is it true about his legacy to his son? He's famous for refusing to autograph books. Instead, Cormac's autographed only a few hundred first editions, and they all go to his son when dad dies. Can anyone confirm this?

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Holy shit that’s amazing if true. Think I might do that for my daughters!

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I'm told that it's a big dodge around estate taxes. The books will be worth a fortune and are already in the son's possession -- so no death tax on them.

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Just looked it up. Doesn’t look like New Mexico has an estate tax, assuming he still lives there

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Federal estate tax, the big ding.

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I stand amended, LOL

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Joan Didion seems to fit the trend . . .

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You don't think it has to be a guy now? But my spider sense thinks you're right.

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Good call.

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J. K Rowling *shrugs*

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She might get lynched by the woke mob.

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Yeah, and then Nia gets the prize.

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George R. R. Martin

Then Brandon Sanderson jumps in to finish

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Dec 17, 2021·edited Dec 17, 2021

Alice A. Munro, not hoping.

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J. M. Coetzee

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Margaret Atwood.

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Steve gets himself canceled. Way to go, Steve.

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I wanted a name with a gut punch.

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I am late to this list and was going to add her as well… good morning and good job on your choice Steve!

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I just love you.......so much. I think you are my twin from a different uterus lmao...I can't and won't because I know who I'd pick and you probably can guess but I can't ever speak that into existence. Just as long as it's not me, or my will is now going say Chuck has to finish my book as MY ghost writer ..............

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Fluck, only game of yours if ever win is Fight Club to get a prize. Lolololololol

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I do not want it to be—my favorite book of all time is The Thief of Always—but isn’t Clive Barker having health issues?

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Hes' been ill and more-or-less housebound for a while. Him dying would be sad.

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That’s too bad. And it would be sad indeed. Maybe Judy Blume will go first. She seems spry but is getting up there.

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Thomas Pynchon ?

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Stephen King? I feel dirty just thinking it. It's your assignment though.

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Dana beat you.

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At least I don't have to feel dirty alone! Thank you Dana!

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Cheap & Crass sorry my wifi was far superior. If it's any consolation I felt dirty just saying it too and he's probably inhuman at this point anyway so we're both wrong. (Why is nobody taking my Jimmy Carter idea, one book counts, right?)

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You also have Carter?! You're a ringer.

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Nope! I was first.

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Dana beat you by ONE minute.

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NO NO! NO! lol

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Ha! Don't fret though, I'm almost certain King made a deal with Papa Legba for at least several more decades. It's just going to be him, the cockroaches, and a tax collector in the end.

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The thing is...I got the same vibe you did though. I know what you're talking about :p

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No I nuanced it first check lol

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When all is said and done we'll check the time stamps on comments.

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See how fast I went from I could never wish anyone dead to the most cutthroat competitor..........it's been fun but it's almost midnight over here........ gnite everyone!

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Good night! Almost 300 comments! Thank you!

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Richard Dawkins

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Stephen King. I don't want to be correct but I had such a strange dream about it a few days ago I feel I had to throw his name into the pool. But you are seriously not allowed to win this contest, I expressly forbid it! (I would be so lost... I'm enjoying the hell out of these posts, writing again finally, and Greener Pastures during this particularly trying time. Every time I check my email and see your name there I get to crawl up out of the depression hole just a bit. Thank you for that.)

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Why is no one saying Pynchon or Delillo?

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I placed my bet on Pynchon.

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Dec 17, 2021·edited Dec 17, 2021

Because they didn't die in my oddly specific dream. I probably should have played the odds, huh?

In case anyone is struggling for an answer Jimmy Carter technically published a book once... I want Jimmy Carter though. I have a hunch about that one.

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Can I pick Margaret Mitchell actually.......

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A taxi cab already picked her.

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Yeah ......but the loss .....I grew up wanting to be Scarlett read it again later later and was horrified I was Scarlett...............well I was............these novels, your novels, are what keeps people sane when times get rough.....just knowing there are others like us, suffering not just like us but in similar ways .............. thanks........

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The Mitchell museum in Atlanta is (I'm told) a big let-down.

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James Patterson (I hope)

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Or Bentley Little

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Dec 17, 2021·edited Dec 17, 2021

Apparently there's a tiktok thing telling (/warning?) kids to make tomorrow 'national do violence at school day' and I work in a school...I don't want to tempt fate here so my guess can be Billy Collins. If I'm lucky I'll be wrong about both things

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Yep, got an email from my kids school today. Yikes!

Also stay safe. Hopefully whatever going on is foiled.

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I’m keeping my daughter home tomorrow just to be safe. I can’t keep King safe though though i do live close by.

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I don't blame you. I would be doing the same if my kiddo wasn't virtual.

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Hey, I like Billy Collins. Although my academic friends all seem to hate him.

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His poem 'The Lanyard' is one of my favorites

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Clive Barker, hope I lose.

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Don DeLillo or Gordon Lish :-/

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Yeah, he just came out with a new book. Coincidentally the title is “death and so forth”

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He’s a much better editor than writer. He has admitted this in interviews, saying there are editors and there are writers.

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Stephen King

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Delillo

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John Barth

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Ooh me me me pick me

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I think Anthony Lopez will kick the bucket.

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Oh god, I don't wanna win this bet haha

How about Joyce Carol Oates? Do you remember that picture she took of her foot after it came in contact with poison oak or poison ivy? https://www.self.com/story/joyce-carol-oates-foot-hiking-in-sandals

I think she made a rash decision.

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I’m giving Oates the same odds as Orleans (whom I also follow on Instagram). Though, in my opinion, they both seem like they could both make it at least another decade easily.

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*Orlean - duck you autocorrect!

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You just made me gasp. Oates.

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Tim Curry

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My heart just sunk. I hope you’re wrong.

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He writes??

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He wrote "Everything You Need to Know about Tim Curry." It totally counts.

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Okay now you might have one over on me. Just to be clear that's just as dirty as King and Nick Cave (the audacity!)

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Kenneth Anger, he’s a nonagenarian and this type of deal kind of deserves his presence.

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Nick Cave

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*gasp* How dare you!

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I play dirty Dana!

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Dec 17, 2021·edited Dec 17, 2021

Clearly! Well I think we're only allowed one guess. If we're allowed more than one, William Shatner!

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Roger Angell. I need to win.

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Okay, now you're just banking names!

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We should team up

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We can probably rig this contest.....Wally lamb lives in Connecticut......you pick him, I off him ......it's writers on a train ......split the prize in half ...............

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Get down on your knees Morty and start praying! And don't look at his cum gutters, Morty!

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Geneviève Callerot

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I know what you're up to! Because I was going to do the exact same thing! hahahaha

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Ah! I think you're one of the cool kids, Blake. I think we should be friends Blake. lol

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:D what's cool about the internet is I can make friends with someone named "Cheap & Crass" during a death bet contest organized by Chuck Palahniuk. Modern times are different.

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Yes. And who would believe us!? We sound raving mad! I hope I never meet Mr. Palahniuk because the things I've said to his screen-face are insane and those are not consequences I'm interested in dealing with at the moment. LOL. I wouldn't mind meeting him actually. I just want a 5 second head start as I run in the opposite direction of his actual being.

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I met him at a book signing and I talked like a star-struck baby. It was awesome!

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That is awesome! Good times!

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I was in a substack meeting today and had to annunciate my handle name to my group because chat wasn't working and it cracked everyone up! CHEAP-CRASS-DEVIL-WORSHIPER! ITS SATIRE! Don't worry! Im only a middle of the road devil worshiper! I don't have a stick up my ass! I still listen to a little Marilyn Manson!

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This is a fucked up contest. But put me down for Jimmy Carter.

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Dana might've beat you on Carter.

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I did. We're due for another retired politician too so he's a double threat.

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Oh well. But on more consideration, I think he’s safe anyway. Carter’s got serious Jeanne Calment vibes.

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There is probably a hot tub full of battery acid near the toe nail mountain in hell with our names on it. lol

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Elise. This is science. Writer death probability theory.

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Oooohh.

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And Derrida died in 2004.

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Raises glass. "To science!"

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