Omg this is hilarious! Great story Adam. I was kind of waiting for the robot to say, “please urinate on my face? I do love it so much.” Might’ve been interesting g if other patrons also entered and just accepted the another robots help without trouble.
Is it just me, or did anyone else get the sense that this might be a "cycle" story? That eventually we'd see this event as part of an endless cycle of people being trapped or meeting a predestined fate? For example, that Zach somehow becomes the robot, or that he and the robot somehow switch places. One glory of a cycle story is that it allows the reader to extrapolate the past and the future from one, single event.
Freed, the robot assumes Zach's body and goes out to the unsuspecting wife.
I don't think there is enough of a cyberpunk element for the robot to hyjack his body. There could be but I only got a sense that this was equalivant of a one of those remote controlled Skype robots you would see in a classroom. Since the scene is mostly dialogue I don't get a sense of any of it being a cycle.
The challenge: You've got to invite the vampire to enter.
Zach is misguided in his pity. For a male victim that hero impulse is plausible, as it might also be for a female victim. Witness the victims of the child vampire in Anne Rice.
Very good story. I would imagine the place as an agency offering novel sexual experiences for couples wanting to revive their intimate life. No story resembles the others. Participants don’t know what to expect. I imagine Zack seeing on robot’s display a countdown until intervention team arrives. He threatens to sue the restaurant and the robot assures him that wife is well taken care of and he could be too if he would accept to upgrade to a different payment scheme. He can see on robot’s display, a stranger sitting at wife’s table. While the countdown continues, the situation at the table evolves. The stranger offers the wife an expensive drink (doubtful one?) and begins to touch her inappropriately. Zack gets aroused watching the screen. Ultimately while his wife leaves with the stranger he allows the robot to help him release the tension…
At the end someone else enters the bathroom… he smiles while the robot zips his pants…
Chuck. As a storyteller, do you find it easier to get into the head of the character you’re supposed to be playing? Or do you find yourself questioning motives in scene? Just curious.
Easy. Psych yourself into the head. Once the internal logic is there, and you're writing from "inside" then everything makes sense. Every choice has its own logic (authority). But as always, such internal machinations are best revealed through external actions.
An increasingly threatening sentient being always seems like a great way to build tension, and interspersing the story with comedy (my favorite: the British phrases that just keep coming with dick firmly in BB's "hand"...) keeps you on your toes. Nice work. And "escalate, escalate, escalate" is such a useful bit of advice from Chuck; it will play on a loop when I write in the future.
I was hesitant to describe the dick-holding experience at first, because it seemed funnier to leave it to the reader's imagination. But having written it now, I think the story is better for it. Also loved the suggestion to end with possibility instead of closure. Now I can imagine Zach going to Tao Te Cheese every week for the rest of his life, seeing the staff change over, explaining his situation to every new manager.
My friend Peter is a huge fan of yours, and I sent him this link. He was shocked at the engagement, the simplicity of just asking you for your thoughts and you responding. For me, it seems natural. The great thing about the internet is that you realize everyone is just a person on here, sharing the parts of themselves they want to share. The craziest thing to me is that someone can get such an incredibly valuable education in writing for forty bucks a year.
Hello Adam. Thank you for the story. It's a rare gift for a writer to stay in scene so well. As for this Substack, my frantic mission is always to try to record and share the best advice and skills that other writers have taught me. I just can't shake off those ah-ha! moments, so I put them here.
To keep things simple, for now, I'll look for the first posting in the Comments on each new Gloves Off. But I will try to choose someone who has not been up yet or recently.
I laughed out loud when the robots voice changed to the old-timey British voice. There’s a lot of great stuff here, Adam. Thanks for sharing.
And, I agree with Chuck, don’t forget to unpack the penis!
"A penis, not your penis"
Omg this is hilarious! Great story Adam. I was kind of waiting for the robot to say, “please urinate on my face? I do love it so much.” Might’ve been interesting g if other patrons also entered and just accepted the another robots help without trouble.
Is it just me, or did anyone else get the sense that this might be a "cycle" story? That eventually we'd see this event as part of an endless cycle of people being trapped or meeting a predestined fate? For example, that Zach somehow becomes the robot, or that he and the robot somehow switch places. One glory of a cycle story is that it allows the reader to extrapolate the past and the future from one, single event.
Freed, the robot assumes Zach's body and goes out to the unsuspecting wife.
I don't think there is enough of a cyberpunk element for the robot to hyjack his body. There could be but I only got a sense that this was equalivant of a one of those remote controlled Skype robots you would see in a classroom. Since the scene is mostly dialogue I don't get a sense of any of it being a cycle.
I’m curious which elements of this story you saw as lending to a cycle story.
I did like the part about the wife at the end and did want that to get stepped on more
The challenge: You've got to invite the vampire to enter.
Zach is misguided in his pity. For a male victim that hero impulse is plausible, as it might also be for a female victim. Witness the victims of the child vampire in Anne Rice.
Let the Right One In is an AMAZING vanpire film. The original, euro version. Not the merica remake.
You're comment reminds me of this Alfred Hitchcock story: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0508152/
Very good story. I would imagine the place as an agency offering novel sexual experiences for couples wanting to revive their intimate life. No story resembles the others. Participants don’t know what to expect. I imagine Zack seeing on robot’s display a countdown until intervention team arrives. He threatens to sue the restaurant and the robot assures him that wife is well taken care of and he could be too if he would accept to upgrade to a different payment scheme. He can see on robot’s display, a stranger sitting at wife’s table. While the countdown continues, the situation at the table evolves. The stranger offers the wife an expensive drink (doubtful one?) and begins to touch her inappropriately. Zack gets aroused watching the screen. Ultimately while his wife leaves with the stranger he allows the robot to help him release the tension…
At the end someone else enters the bathroom… he smiles while the robot zips his pants…
Also if we’re throwing out suggestions for potential stories…I’d be remiss not to nominate Craig.
He’s just brilliant.
https://open.substack.com/pub/craigfatherofkittens/p/dont-it-yourself-er?r=1epxph&utm_medium=ios
Craig Craig CRAIGS STORY!
Here’s one if you want, Professor P.
https://open.substack.com/pub/erikknudtson/p/13?r=yiw9o&utm_medium=ios
Congrats. I think you're first up. Thanks.
Matt did nominate one of mine about a minute earlier…
Legally, consent plays a large part. I think it's best that people put forward their own work. No offense intended.
I completely understand, and I’ll have to be faster next time.
Adam, this is funny as shit.
When it switches to the old British ladies voice… just great. Hahaha
Chuck. As a storyteller, do you find it easier to get into the head of the character you’re supposed to be playing? Or do you find yourself questioning motives in scene? Just curious.
Easy. Psych yourself into the head. Once the internal logic is there, and you're writing from "inside" then everything makes sense. Every choice has its own logic (authority). But as always, such internal machinations are best revealed through external actions.
Thanks for sharing Adam, it’s a horrifying concept that just reaches in and grabs a hold of you…
Looking forward to the revised version.
Thanks Chuck
As Matt nominated me earlier, I also nominate myself:
https://open.substack.com/pub/craigfatherofkittens/p/dont-it-yourself-er?r=1epxph&utm_medium=ios
This cracked me up, Adam! Thanks for sharing!
An increasingly threatening sentient being always seems like a great way to build tension, and interspersing the story with comedy (my favorite: the British phrases that just keep coming with dick firmly in BB's "hand"...) keeps you on your toes. Nice work. And "escalate, escalate, escalate" is such a useful bit of advice from Chuck; it will play on a loop when I write in the future.
I agreed with most everything you suggested, and spent the morning rewriting: https://open.substack.com/pub/quirk/p/bathroom-bot-revisited
I was hesitant to describe the dick-holding experience at first, because it seemed funnier to leave it to the reader's imagination. But having written it now, I think the story is better for it. Also loved the suggestion to end with possibility instead of closure. Now I can imagine Zach going to Tao Te Cheese every week for the rest of his life, seeing the staff change over, explaining his situation to every new manager.
My friend Peter is a huge fan of yours, and I sent him this link. He was shocked at the engagement, the simplicity of just asking you for your thoughts and you responding. For me, it seems natural. The great thing about the internet is that you realize everyone is just a person on here, sharing the parts of themselves they want to share. The craziest thing to me is that someone can get such an incredibly valuable education in writing for forty bucks a year.
Thanks Chuck!
Hello Adam. Thank you for the story. It's a rare gift for a writer to stay in scene so well. As for this Substack, my frantic mission is always to try to record and share the best advice and skills that other writers have taught me. I just can't shake off those ah-ha! moments, so I put them here.
These Gloves off posts have been great. And loads of good stuff Adam, keep writing.
Here's mine Mr. P. https://rabbiibls.substack.com/p/twisted-cake-chronicles-fat-cancer?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2 Can you select mine after Erik and Craig?
To keep things simple, for now, I'll look for the first posting in the Comments on each new Gloves Off. But I will try to choose someone who has not been up yet or recently.
“…this is why Minimalism avoids pronouns”
Funny robot you made Mr.Quirk!