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Mister Palahniuk, I have been such a long time fan, to even get a bit of brief attention on this site means the world to me, to have you read a piece of my writing has already made my year, but to receive such in-depth and fantastic feedback is beyond what I could have ever hoped for. The notes you gave put a smile on my face as can imagine all the parts you propose amping it all even more. A bit embarrassing to say I can’t even use enough words to express my gratitude but thank you so much. I am forever grateful.

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Good work, all! Please post your revisions. Would love to see how the notes get incorporated in a future draft. (Also, reformatting my Substack to be more print friendly just in case...)

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Very cool. It’s interesting to see all the differences in style/pacing/content etc. and noticing little things that remind me of Chucks style… it’s an essence.

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Just saw the Cake Wreck post. Found a Gatsby #CakeWreck on Twitter I thought folks here would appreciate. https://twitter.com/ChappellTracker/status/894021215282659328

Had to stifle laughter and associated laughing tears in my apartment while going through the Cake Wreck site. Thank you. : )

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I liked the selfie bit in Touch the Art. I feel like people do risky things as part of selfie culture and this story touches on that. Reminds me of the nice yellow car that raced down a frozen river and then broke through the ice. Pictures floated all over the internet of the car owner standing on the nose of her car, taking a selfie as the vehicle was coming close to being fully submerged.

In The Stuffed Crust Conquistador, I loved the mummified hotdog. It really painted a picture of the small town and how the character felt. The hot dog goes from delicious to petrified!

Also modern day grave diggers are an attention grabber. You always hear about the ancient Egyptian tomb robbers trashing mummies and getting away with gold and precious stones. Sometimes I wonder if the future holds a Mad Max scenario where desperate people are digging us up to hock off our wedding rings, family jewels, or raisined heirlooms. Our gravestones, once a memorial, a future target for looting. This story left me excited about what they fish out of the earth and discover while unwrapping the mummy, so to speak.

The final story was pretty scary which is perfect for the horror genre. It evoked emotion and built tension as I read through it. Definitely a hot topic in the news over the past decade.

It was insightful reading through the feedback. This stuff is helpful! Love the doggy breaks. : )

Read the submerging the I post from a while back. Looks like I have some editing to do. Thank you for helping me see one of my blind spots! Now I will be watching how other writers submerge the I as I read.

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You read your favourite author’s work for years waiting for a way to tell him how much it changed you. And then you end up with that very same author going to the gym with a printed copy of your work folded in the bag and giving you the most detailed, constructive feedback you’ve ever received.

Chuck, that’s priceless. Thank you for doing this.

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This is very interesting. Yesterday I was flipping through Consider This and saw the name Karen Karbo and I wanted to know what she taught you during your workshop days.

Particularize your objects.

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Remy! Great job! I love the writing prompt stories--it's fun seeing how they all turn out so differently. One of my favorite lines from "Please Touch the Art" is, "When pleading to a higher being for some inspiration, sometimes the devil answers." Great title too; on so many levels it just works. I like Chuck's advice about dropping in the idea about many everyday items later to be found deadly. I like this because you could choose common, tangible, concrete items that would be relatable to almost any reader. Looking forward to the next draft! Now on to the other two selections...

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Hi Matt! Nice work! Here are a few of my favorite details: How the grave robber's bottom lip always hangs open. The bit about being a hotdog forever spinning. You give good "head knowledge" throughout using an engaging voice. I like how you set up Grody as a scum bag, even down to his name, and then reveal he has cancer. I caught Chuck's suggestion about drawing out that reveal, and that's pretty clever. Looking forward to the next draft! Onto the next...

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Nice work Greg! You're giving us a story about what goes on in the mind of a school shooter. How did this happen. How did he get here. You use some specific details like being inside a trash can, being rejected from homecoming dance, and I think more specific details throughout (particulars about everything, not just being an outcast/rejection) would really amp up your story. I like the Rice Krispies bit. Here's a thought: What if at the end, you just do snap...crackle. You could leave the pop for what happens after the story is over, and also it would work to make your narrator not a deceased storyteller. Can't wait to see how your next draft looks.

Greg, I’d also like to add I was eager to learn more about the counselor/narrator relationship/what the narrator perceived to be a relationship.

Nice work, gentlemen! Onward.

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This has been such a good task! I've really enjoyed reading the work done by all of you, and the revision notes are amazing. I think the process of critiquing work has helped me learn loads too, as in how the stories can be developed and tweaked to take them even further. I'm looking forward to further installments.

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Terrific work! It’s a joy to read everyone’s stories and imagine Chuck doing the same on a park bench with a red pen and a maté latte. Thank you for your hard work, your insight, and your constant inspiration.

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So many great stories here that I would never have gotten the chance to read otherwise.

Thanks, Chuck!

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Chuck, I’m not gonna lie... Some parts from other chapters I lumped into the first chapter and it’s so funny how you sniffed that out. I’m glad you confirmed that I need to not jump around so much on some areas such as the dying tree and the airport scene. The airport scene and the dying tree are what I originally started with on this piece. I really like those parts but, as I mentioned in my comment on the post submissions, I was concerned that they were too distracting and didn’t flow well. So, thank you for confirming that they don’t fit right there. I definitely think they will fit in the other chapters.

I love the idea of the probes and am glad you caught onto that. Sometimes with objects it’s hard to know if the reader will think nothing of them or if they will get hooked and wonder what they are for. I loved your suggestion on tying a history to them and perhaps making them lucky and having them as a sort of charm with a bit of superstition.

Also thank you for confirming that I should not reveal the issue with Grody’s cancer. I’ll be updating this to be more vague rather than immediately spelling out what the deal is that they have worked out and why. If it’s alright, I’d be curious as to your thoughts on where I’m going with this (spoiler alert!).

What they uncover is essentially a grave of something that is inhuman and not fully decomposed. It’s a beast -- meant to be a Skinwalker, although I will never use that term. The site is surrounded in a circle of hundreds of blades enclosed around the body with a massive blade through the skull. They remove this protection ring around the beast, along with removing the blade from the center of the skull. The idea is that somehow this creature is going to completely destroy them -- follow them -- lurk in shadows -- play mind games with them, etc.

Meanwhile the main character is going to become addicted to plastic surgery and use his artifact scam to fund his operations. My plan is to go into the detail of how he knapps arrowheads and the breaking away of the stone (flaking) is going to be a metaphor for what his going through in his own body with sloughing off unwanted pieces. He’s had an abusive childhood that involved turning him into an obese and socially awkward dude and a lot about that will be slowly revealed as the story goes on. My goal is to have the reader despise him and slowly empathize with him. Thank you for confirming that it’s ok to not immediately reveal Grody’s cancer -- I was concerned that I might lose the reader if I didn’t load that in up front in the setup.

All of this story came from a hobby of mine. My dad and I like to arrowhead hunt. Don’t worry folks, we absolutely do not rob graves or dig. But this is where a lot of my background on this comes from. I’ve also gone through a major weight loss over the past year and am now in the healthiest shape of my life (almost have a six pack now after previously being nearly 300 lbs). This story has a lot to do with the dissatisfaction I’ve had with my body my entire life.

All that said, considering where I’m planning to go with this story, do you have any other feedback to throw my way given that new information on where the story is going?? PS - I love the idea on using the probe as a way to link the living to the dead underworld and also maybe using a metaphor for the antennae as being a transmitting device. There is a lot I’m going to be turning over in my mind given your feedback. Thanks again so much.

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It was fascinating to read the stories, and then think about Chuck’s advice. I haven’t yet written anything so I don’t feel I could give my opinion as a writer, but as a voracious reader, please consider this: a small typo will take me right out of the world you have created. One misplaced apostrophe or a missing “and” suddenly makes me realize that I am reading a story, and I begin to think of the author instead of falling deeper into the world they have created. Proofread! And then have someone else do it as well.

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