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Seeing the different techniques of how to strip back the dialog while retaining the necessary information and increasing tension is profoundly help. Thanks!

Love this chapter, Maria. Once we get to the body I’m hooked in and want to keep reading! I wonder if you could allude to that a little bit deeper at the beginning, dig a little more in to the “alligator man” before switching to the funeral.

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I enjoyed the this story when you first posted it Maria. Im looking forward to the next draft.

Chuck’s comments are really helping me understand what he was trying to explain about building and maintaining tension. I hope eventually I understand how to do this well.

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Oct 9, 2022Liked by Chuck Palahniuk

Thank you so much! I'd been over this scene so many times that I'd gotten blind to it. And then I realized I used the wrong title. It should have been "Mirror Springs". Sorry about that.

For most of the book, Cecily is a college freshman, still pursued by the alligator man. He's become a splicing of her little kid memory of the corpse with some of the features and movements of an alligator.

Thanks again. I'm working on polishing the whole ms now and can definitely see how to apply these lessons to the whole.

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These posts are so helpful. I’m working on revising a ms right now and I get so much from them. Thank you! Also, if we want to submit something, how do we do it? I know it was mentioned many posts back but I can’t find it.

Thank you again!

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founding

Hi Maria! Thanks for sharing your chapter.

First, a small point, but I love how you spelled Grampa and Gramma the way it sounds rather than correct spelling. It adds to that little girl perspective in a subtle yet effective way.

You are really great with gestures/actions. A few of my favorites:

"Cecily bent the stick until it snapped. A few strands of splintery wood held the two halves together."

"Cecily pulled at the pocket of her dress. One corner came loose at the top."

"Cecily swung her legs back to the forest side of the fence and hopped down."

The Alligator man is quite intriguing.

The dead body was described amazingly. And really adds to the chapter by opening a new door of questions.

Chucks suggestions for how to amp up the tension are great and super useful for the rest of us studying.

Nice work!

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