42 Comments
Comment deleted
November 16, 2023
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
author

Do you remember how much mileage Mark Wahlberg got out of his third nipple? It seems that Harry Styles can nurse an entire litter of puppies.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/your-mole-may-actually-be-a-third-nipple-heres-119290471517.html

Expand full comment

Not forbidden, just strange. Saw a guy one who had 3in long nipples. Gave me the chills.

Expand full comment
author

Three inches? Well, maybe it was just very cold.

Expand full comment

Nope his were like that all the time. Maybe he was breastfeeding?

Expand full comment

Does it come with the imprint of a crying face on it?

Expand full comment

The sobbing smile? Lol

Expand full comment
author

Heat reactive. Like the coffee mugs that drug makers send to doctors.

Expand full comment

Finally! A shirt with visible wet marks that appear when you’re hot! Hey, wait a minute . . .

Expand full comment
author

Saves you the time and effort of sweating, you know.

Expand full comment

I’m not even gonna ask what the trouser version of this would entail.

Expand full comment

"Would you like the front leak or the back splash? We also have the "worst day of my life" triple threat trousers."

Expand full comment

Bob had bitch tits!

Expand full comment

Bologna Bob instead of Bologna Barb? Barb owned those lunch-meat-nippled b!tch tits.

Expand full comment

Meatloaf should’ve signed it and a bunch of people would’ve crawled over eachother to buy it.

Expand full comment

Woulda crawled over 100 yards of piping hot, ketchup coated meatloafs. ¿meatloaves?

Expand full comment
founding

Meatloaf “would do anything for love” but follow the covid-19 precautions, he’s quoted as saying “if I die, I die” then he caught the covid and did just that. smh

RIP Meatloaf

Expand full comment

This is the laugh out loud I didn't know I needed today! I think this shirt may even fit over my tits but know if I'll pass for the testicular cancer group unless I let my beard grow in!

Expand full comment

I’m glad you reported Meatloaf’s real name (I’m assuming). First time I’ve seen it. Whattayou call it-establishing authority? Love it. Also the comment about a man’s nipples.

Expand full comment

I've never understood the US fear of nipples alongside the comfort with extreme violence.

Expand full comment

That was a long time ago. After the Puritans left the UK, we pretty much decided 'that was all a bad idea' within a couple of decades. The US seems to have stuck with it for a few centuries. Culture is eternally fascinating/horrifying.

Expand full comment

I've read some things about how cultures that are transplanted stick around longer than where they originated. Such as the old honor culture of gaelic shepherds still being a big part of the American south. Well, the rural parts at least.

Expand full comment
author

That's fascinating. Can you post a link? I've long been fascinated by the transplanted Germans in the jungles of South America. Nietzsche's sister endorsed the effort to found an Aryan nation that quickly became cut off and inbred. Those outpost cultures that become time capsules, wow.

Expand full comment

Hahahaha. I knew that you were gonna be on top of that comment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pls-Z0KOOgw

also

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYSBZ0DKNa4

My experience of growing up by two sets of projects in the city, as well as in a rural trailer park, leads me to believe that Thomas is correct.

There are a few books about the southern honor culture being leftover from Scots/Irish shepherds, but I can't seem to find the one that I'd heard of previously. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/226635

Expand full comment
author

Damn, thank you! This is fascinating. Captivating as hell. My guess is that readers love these "pocket" cultures, typified by 'The Children of the Corn,' where local customs seem extreme to an outsider. See also 'The Lottery.'

In regard to rednecks, I had dinner once with the actor Alfred Molina, and he told me about an acting class he taught. One student, a young man with a thick 'hillbilly' drawl, read Shakespeare, and Molina said it was a revelation. He said that redneck accent was as close to true Elizabethan speech as he, Molina, had ever heard. That Shakespeare was meant to be performed with such a down-home drawl.

Yesterday, a CBS reporter told me about happening across a splinter Mormon community in very rural Montana. Polygamist and everything. So, yes, these people and places still exist, and they're not exposed to the internet.

Expand full comment
founding

Meatloaf once came through a small convention out where I used to live, and I was the only person in line for his booth, so I got to spend a good while talking to him. He said the chest was made of flax seed and they had to keep an open chair close to the set so he could sit down throughout filming because of how heavy it was. He said he had a lot of empathy for large chested women after the experience

Expand full comment

Are you excited for Thanksgiving, Chuck? I hear the turkeys have larger nipples this year. Don't throw those bits out, save them for Grandma.

Expand full comment
author

Knock on wood. I put up the Xmas lights on Friday. Need a dry day.

And this Pilgrim only eats the dark meat turkey.

Expand full comment

So what you're saying is the turkey stuffs YOU lol

Expand full comment

Filled to the brim with giblets

Expand full comment

No tits? Who made this tragic design decision?

Expand full comment
author

The same person who designed Ken.

Expand full comment

Nice. The same person who designed all those pronouns.

Expand full comment
founding

Doing my best to get rid of my moobs, but I’m gonna rock one of these flannels!

Expand full comment

Now I wanna have one. Just ordered your latest book, it would be nice to have this shirt aswell.

Shut up and take my money!

Expand full comment
author

Actually, now that Disney bought Fox, Disney gets your merch money.

But my guess is that this is unauthorized.

Expand full comment

Reminds me of that letter Hemingway wrote to Fitzgerald that I feel like should be posted hear to commemorate.

"If you take real people and write about them you cannot give them other parents than they have (they are made by their parents and what happens to them) you cannot make them do anything they would not do. You can take you or me or Zelda or Pauline or Hadley or Sara or Gerald but you have to keep them the same and you can only make them do what they would do. You can’t make one be another. Invention is the finest thing but you cannot invent anything that would not actually happen.

That is what we are supposed to do when we are at our best—make it all up—but make it up so truly that later it will happen that way.

Goddamn it you took liberties with peoples’ pasts and futures that produced not people but damned marvellously faked case histories. You, who can write better than anybody can, who are so lousy with talent that you have to—the hell with it. Scott for gods sake write and write truly no matter who or what it hurts but do not make these silly compromises. You could write a fine book about Gerald and Sara for instance if you knew enough about them and they would not have any feeling, except passing, if it were true.

------

I always thought you were being a little unfair with that character there. But I was wrong and you got him just right. Did him justice in the way he would have liked. Or not liked. And that would also be justice. Think it's an important moment in Literary history. You nailing Hemingway on Meat loaf like that just how he wanted to be nailed.

You know what else is Justice. Robert Paulson wearing boobs that are 28 lbs and learning a deeper respect for the weight of a woman's breasts and for the rest of his life he told the world so.

You did a good deed for all women in fight club there. I don't care what gender everyone should have to wear 28lbs of boobs.

It's like when a repeated action of toxic masculinity gets broken down to the point and there's a man making peace with his feminine side. Hemingway. Meatloaf is a damn good eulogy for that man known as Earnest.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you. I never do anything as a cheap shot or just for cringe. There's always a deeper something, but not everyone will dwell there long enough to find it.

No one has ever noted how the face printed in tears on Bob's shirt is foreshadowing for the narrator's face printed in blood on the concrete floor at the moment Tyler says, "Cool." As a writer you depict these things with no hope they'll ever be recognized.

Expand full comment