83 Comments

Bwahahaha! Need one with him shirtless caressing a raccoon.

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LOLOL. I think I can do this!

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Post it.

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Done Sir. Let me know if you would like any changes. It was a quick and dirty job but someone had to do it. https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/Stevenson-Trash-Bandit-by-candicemcharles/101183019.EJUG5

Stickers are now for sale on the site above!

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GLORIOUS

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You like!? LOL God it's fantastically ridiculous! LOL I added a trash can

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That is hilarious. We need a magnet set. Stick them on metal trash cans, on his car collection, etc.

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I added magnets to the list as well. lol

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YES!

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My word exactly: Glorious.

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Wonderful Mr. Palahniuk! Let me know if you need any other embellishments on the sticker.

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Gonna print and distribute back home? Wusiwug, pressures on.

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Well we don't have garbage stealing Fabio here 'round these parts Son. Not sure if they'd sell. Hell I don't even think I'd buy one lol

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Sorry, was trying to reply to Chuck telling you to post it and failed

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Yeah I see. I'm dumb. lol

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I sure do miss being called "Cheap." I had to change my name on here because I lost a job offer due to my posts. Now I have Fabio loving raccoons all over my substack feed so I should probably change it back to Cheap Crass Devil Worshiper again. Le Sigh.

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Do raccoons wear bodices?

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They do now

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Why has Victoria's Secret so ignored the Raccoon bustier market??

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Because they’re plus size.

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I thought they were going after that market.

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Maybe now because they got shamed bc the CEO made a public statement that they don’t cater to that market. So if they’re being forced to go after the plus sized human market just now, it’s gonna be a while before they get to the full figured raccoons.

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Bwahaha!

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No, they wear Fabios. If a Fabio were a piece of lingerie, what exactly would it be?

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Thinking....

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I can't believe it's not lingerie?

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Have it adhered to a flaming dumpster.

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I wonder what Fabio is trying to hide.

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This is why we can't have nice things! (said Chuck's mother)

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Is there a larger context? I can understand a weasel putting it in the neighbor's garbage but does he drive around town with garbage to spread out the garbage cheating? Doesn't everyone have to sign up for some garbage pickup service? Out east, residential garbage is part of taxes so I'm refuse ignorant.

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Everyone must haul their own to the transfer station. Frankly, I'd love to have hold of Fabio secrets and sell them over Ebay. What, is that a rubber or a pasta?

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Make an unboxing video!

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Sell.it or create a secret army of Fabios?

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You read my mind.

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Fabi-oh-no-he-didn’t.

Let’s go ahead and add that to my pile of regrets.

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Two finger snaps for you!

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Aesop's Fabio for the modern day

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Slick girl. Slick

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Better than "sic girl". I can do that too 👿👹😂.

Just unfriended a rabid nut on Facebook. He said it was the only way he would stop with his extremely odious rhetoric. The natives are getting restless up north . Thankfully I have this page to escape to.

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Please, come help us resolve the Fabio threat. It's like the Game of Thrones out this part of the woods.

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I'm somewhat good at strong worded missives.

Also shtick, girl.

Good night from ESTeros ;)

(never watch that show either. Survivor (both) is more my thing)

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You won this thread.

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My goodness. Being raised in the South has its pitfalls but when I hear stories like this my heart swells with hillbilly pride. "You best be on your way, Son. And don't think 'about lookin' back ya hear?"

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"We don't take kindly to handsome men with perfect hair and tanned rippling muscles round these parts, but if you wanna meet me in the bathroom at the rest area 9 miles north on 75 I can introduce you to some good ole boys thatll treatcha real nice."

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LOL. Word.

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Groundhog Day has been extended this year...every story here I'm reading twice. I'd expound but don't want to anti-select myself from the "Olympics" tomorrow. 😜

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Breathe deep. Rest. Come out fighting.

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You might know of Canadians' reputation in the winter Olympics. This is our time to shine. I am going for the gold!! Or at least the brown (chocolate) 😄

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What sport?

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The contest today!! (my discipline). Otherwise, if our news broadcasters are to be believed, Canadians have been known to excel in downhill skiing, figure skating, curling and other winter sports. I'm far from a sports buff and plan to hold true to my tradition of totally ignoring the Olympics. I find flying snowboarders impressive, though!

Good luck today!!!

PS If I'm not even in the Top 20, I might get into a huff (again) haha As if I don't already own a signed Beautiful You. If I recall correctly, it was the entry ticket to Chuck's last reading in my city, where I got my beer bottle knocked over by a beach ball in the dark. Fun times! ;)

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Why? Do you have some odd trash laws with stuff you can't typically throw away? I lived in Japan and they have complex trash disposal. They give you a calendar so that you can keep track of what day of the week is for what item. I just don't know why he would mix stuff in unless he is too cheap to pay for his own trash service.

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Cheap is the word.

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I thought the Fabio just survived on a diet of trashy romance novels and tubs of fake butter. Were the locals finding an abnormal amount of empty plastic containers of I can't believe it's not butter and dog-eared Harlequin Romance novels?

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Have you shared this? The world must know!

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I shared it to my friends.

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Almost immediately

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Honestly I would be proud of that. I feel a kinship with the raccoon

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Fabio with his lover! https://candice372.substack.com/p/fabio-with-his-lover Buy Stickers here! https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/Stevenson-Trash-Bandit-by-candicemcharles/101183019.EJUG5

Stickers are now for sale on the site above!

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You did a really good job on the fingers, and I dig the new handle.

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Thank you! I was giggling the whole time. I feel like I just put back on my old comfy sweater...I missed this handle. I was very scared for a while there.

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I could no longer poke fun at Fabio after he got hit in the face with a bird at Bush Gardens. March 30th, 1999. The world will never forget that day.

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According to People magazine, Fabio is looking for love at age 62. What is he doing in the PNW?

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Looking for love in other peoples trash cans.

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This is too good. lol I wonder if he ever started paying for trash services after his garbage infamy. #FabiosDumpsterFires

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Atleast, he still leaves the trash cans for everyone to use. I had a neighbor once who got caught hoarding a bunch of those green containers from all over the neighbourhood. He used them to store legumes and wheat flour.

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