Among the joys of growing old is that young people take what you say at face value. You = Witness To History. As long as it sounds vaguely accurate, young people will swallow it. Today I told someone that Duran Duran shot Bobby Kennedy. I can’t wait for him to storm up to me someday and call me out. Have you tried this? Never gets old.
This reminds me of my uncle telling me he cut off my freckles with his pocket knife while I was sleeping. I guess this technically could have happened unlike your hilarious fib/prank which makes it all the better.
I heard my coworker tell someone half his age that “a burning man will take place on Mars this year.” I keep spreading the same info and no kid disbelieves it.
Hmm probably they don’t have fire on Mars? Just a lot of tunnels or something but Kids don’t know that haha. Maybe the clown from IT is in those tunnels... Thank you Chuck, you are truly the best.
One of my Uncle’s and his girlfriend fully had me believing she was a mermaid. Told me how he found her in Florida and brought her back to Ohio. Promised if I put salt in my bathtub, I’d turn into one. Well, I’m shaped like one for sure, that part worked.
Also, was told gypsies would steal me one day. I became the gypsy/carny.
Do you remember the old Imperial Margarine commercials? I used to browbeat my mother, saying that if we ate Imperial we could sell the jeweled crowns and get rich.
We were also told the kids on the milk cartons were sold to carnies.
I’m making my profession sound soooooo bad. Hahaa. However, I cooooould use some help at festivals and fairs. I can’t fill all those cannoli and cream puffs alone. (Evil giggle)
I have told cousins if they swallow sunflower seeds or watermelon seeds they will grow in their stomachs. Hehe.
Pretty much. My family has concession stands, though—- for over 65 years, built most of them, too! One looks like an onion that sells friend veggies. I was pretty much born in a French waffle stand.
Not in the least. There are hierarchies within the carny folk and we depend on the wealthy to spend their money on the goldfish ponds, flying rubber frogs, darts at balloons—- there’s a whoooole class system running within—- I personally miss my sideshow friends—- they truly knew how to have fun and pull pranks.
This is tough to answer. Part of my family travels with Medieval Fairs. Those go all over down South. Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Texas, and Florida. An Uncle owns one in Ohio— 25 years or so. Festivals and Fairs—- NE Ohio, SW PA, & all over Florida. People that own rides/games are separate from what we do. We are mostly concessions. But Mom airbrushed t-shirts at fairs, Van-ins—- screenprinted shirts for The Dead Boys, Boom Boom Mancini—- airbrushed a portrait of Bo Derek, one of Tony Lasorda—- part of our family owned dance clubs, restaurants and hotels. Big family.
That reminds me of an old Beavis and Butthead episode where they were given that home ec assignment of caring for a bag of sugar as if it were a baby. They destroyed it in the river then reported to the class that their baby had been taken by gypsies in the night
I've never done this but I had a coworker tell me Allister crawley was the father of Barbara Bush. I believed it until I Googled it and among other things found out he was crazy. Once told a group of us that he knew someone that went to the Dominican republic, fell a sleep and got his kidneys stolen. Not making any of this up.
Years ago I had some ditzy millennial coworkers who were only around five years younger than me but I used to make shit up and see if they'd believe it. If only I could remember some of it...
Not sure either. I had a couple brain farts today Lol. But, there's an interview on JRE with Jake The Snake. Jake talked about a life experience he had when he was little, and how it made him learn to lie big early on when he was supposed to stay innocent ti'll.. don't know 13 to 14, maybe 16!!
Not quite the same since it was my daughter and she was three, but it’s my favorite parenting lie to date: when she said she saw ghosts in the hallway, I told her ghosts hated fresh smells like minty breath and also since they were so lightweight you could blow them away. So, for the next month or so, she would walk down our hallway, huffing and puffing and waving her hand, and then would ask if she could brush her teeth again
I just told my three year old witches are blind and follow the sound of temper tantrums so if he is really quiet maybe they won’t follow him. (He loves witches this does not scare him in a bad way but it does stop the tantrums momentarily)
Not quite a lie but reminds me of a similar story. When I was little my father use to tell me that John F. Kennedy ruined his 10th birthday. For years as a child I couldn’t think of what JFK could’ve done to ruin my dad’s birthday. Was he there? How did my dad know JFK? Well my dad’s birthday is November 22nd. When I finally figured out what he was talking about he confirmed, “yeah, everyone got sent home from school and no one showed up to my party.”
I just made some BS up about Jack Ruby shooting Oswald with a ruby bullet because he was a werewolf as a fun lie to tell kids and commented it here. Then scrolled down to find this. Weird little synchronicity.
I was wearing a military cap at a block party and a tweener asked me if I ever saw combat, I told him I was wounded during the Bay of Pigs and had to have a steel plate in my head. He said that sucks and I told him the worst part is that I can’t use a cellphone because the metal interferes with the signal but I get free satellite radio.
For sure, it's classic and spanking. Met Van Morrison while waitressing in a Woodstock NY cafe. He was withdrawn & sullen, but, after eating, brightened ♡ left nice tip after all my fumbled awe ♡
I stopped an Easter once for my daughter when she was 7. The Easter bunny had been kidnapped by a demonic force given shape in the form of the ink demon Bendy. She had to find 6 ink covered Easter eggs around the house to unlock the prison. The final egg was hidden in the bathroom. It was there that I locked the door while I put on a costume of Sammy Lawrence. When she finally popped the lock she had to wrestle the egg from my now inky form. She saved easter and everything went back to normal. Sad thing is scared alot of her classmates with her stories. I think they eventually got over it because she has a lot of friends. So is it better to lie to your children and tell them monsters are not real or to prepare them to battle their demons however they exist? I feel like my daughter is more creative due to my antics. I hope she is able to keep it intact along with her imagination as she gets older. I lie to lots of people when I write my fiction.
I once convinced someone Spontaneous Dental Hydroplosion was a thing, so there's that. But I can't keep a straight face for long, I'm a bit Lincoln like that.
My dad’s wedding ring is made of a few different rings from our family history melted down and recast with a stone in the middle. This is true.
What isn’t true is that for some reason I was led to believe as a child it was made from the gold foil that used to come lining the inside of cigarette packets. I thought this was true for YEARS.
I remember doing a kinda similar exercise as a kid but, not since. I'm an only child, so I played alone most of the time, with figure toys. I'd make stories up using those figures. When at school the next day, I'd use those stories I made up, reshape them as a movie I've seen on tv, even cast them with known actors, and recount it to my mates. They believed everything. I guess I loved attention since an early age.
You know, It always irritated me that some people take in what ever an older person says. And I go like, '' Damn, this believes that only because we"re indoctrinated early that we have to listen to elders? he's old, experienced, seen shit, so he must KNOW something???" Then, I remember what George Carlin used to sing about all day: '' It's all bullshit folks, and it's bad for you''.
One of my brothers has four children and five grandchildren. I'd like to tell "elaborate" stories such as: dinosaurs are still alive. (That one never went very far.) My brother put an end to more devious stories, stating: "No perpetuating a falsehood."
I'm from Latin America, though, and kids here are raised to think everyone is full of shit all the time (which might be a healthier upbringing, tbh), so I've had to really insist on basic affirmations like, "no really, Sydney isn't the capital of Australia" and such...
Flat-out hilarious. Lying to young people. When my daughter was young I'd start telling her a story that was true then at one point it becomes untrue and gets wilder. She had to tell me at what point the story became fiction.
Back in the 90s when I had my eyebrow pierced, I worked as a summer camp counselor at the YMCA. Whenever the kids would ask about my piercing, I would tell them a cautionary tale about how I went to get my ear pierced but they missed!
The worst thing I did to my sister when we were kids (I’m older) was roll this shoe gunk from my generic berkenstock sandal into a ball and tell her that it was an M&M and she totally put it in her mouth. Don’t worry. Years later we were at breakfast and I was so thirsty I went around drinking all the waters, including my sister’s. At the end of the meal I watched in horror as she reached to the bottom of her cup and pulled out her retainer and popped it back in. Yes. I drank retainer water. 🤢 payback is a puke.
When Taylor Swift was “blowing up”, I almost convinced my Daughter she was computer generated. And now more and more I believe it’s true-Computer generated Superstars.
My day job is as a literacy consultant. I teach a lot of kids. Lying to them is what I live for. When I worked in a public school, I convinced an entire Kindergarten class that I locked naughty students in the boiler room we walked past every day. I loved catching some of them tap on the door to ask if anyone was inside and needed help.
Reminds me of the Calvin & Hobbes comic where the dad was always telling Calvin tall tales. I loved doing this to my kid (back when she was a kid), but she was the least gullible kid I've ever met. My luck. She wasn't quite four years old when a storm knocked out the electricity in our neighborhood while we were watching something on TV. I told my daughter, "I guess we'll have to watch TV by candlelight." She said, "Unh-uh, Daddy. The TV don't work without legtricity."
This reminds me of the somewhat recent meme "Gonna Tell My Kids."
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/gonna-tell-my-kids
You know you are evil. Now everyone else does too.
Two kids, six nieces and nephews, now 3 great nephews in Im sure I’ll be confronted on a number of things.
Number one being, “your butt does not in fact fall off when you unscrew you’re belly button.”
Sometimes I’d even get the electric drill and chase them around screaming.
Woah. Jeffrey Dahmer much? (a drill reference, tasteless as always)
Oh yes I’ve been known to chase a few kids around with a hand saw if they complain about pain.
“My knees hurts.”
“Guess we’ll have to saw it off and go to the knee store.”
That usually stopped their crying real quick. 
Have you read the graphic novel or seen the film? Icky icky cant wash off.
No but I will now.
Believe its called "My Friend Dahmer" or something like that.
Oh yes! That is a great movie!
This reminds me of my uncle telling me he cut off my freckles with his pocket knife while I was sleeping. I guess this technically could have happened unlike your hilarious fib/prank which makes it all the better.
I’m the master of the dead serious look. The kids who figure I’m kidding are my favorite. The others well... they don’t call much.
Anyone in the business world, and journalists know how vital a skill this is.
Well I have mild ASD aka Asperger’s so if I want a flat almost psycho affect I just go lax. It comes natural.
If I am focused on any task, I look pissed off. Usually not. Its just my thinky face. I kinda hate that everyone expects fake smiles all the time.
I'm adopting this. 😆
It's like "1984" but funny. Rewriting history for yucks.
Tomorrow, I promise a real posting. About writing and everything.
I dunno—- this was pretty dang good!
You could charge more for a substack that is all lies to tell to children.
I heard my coworker tell someone half his age that “a burning man will take place on Mars this year.” I keep spreading the same info and no kid disbelieves it.
Yes! No, wait, do they even have fire on Mars?
Oliver, do not trash my house next week. That goes for you, too, Dan.
Hmm probably they don’t have fire on Mars? Just a lot of tunnels or something but Kids don’t know that haha. Maybe the clown from IT is in those tunnels... Thank you Chuck, you are truly the best.
Party at Chucks?
YOU do not get the gate code.
Everyones gate code is 696969
The trade-off between this and excruciating back pain? Maybe it's not so bad getting old.
I once convinced a youngster that Joe the Camel was real and was planning a presidential election bid. The kid said, "I wish I could vote!"
Agh* the future smokers of America.
Hahahaha! Good one.
One of my Uncle’s and his girlfriend fully had me believing she was a mermaid. Told me how he found her in Florida and brought her back to Ohio. Promised if I put salt in my bathtub, I’d turn into one. Well, I’m shaped like one for sure, that part worked.
Also, was told gypsies would steal me one day. I became the gypsy/carny.
Do you remember the old Imperial Margarine commercials? I used to browbeat my mother, saying that if we ate Imperial we could sell the jeweled crowns and get rich.
We were also told the kids on the milk cartons were sold to carnies.
I’m making my profession sound soooooo bad. Hahaa. However, I cooooould use some help at festivals and fairs. I can’t fill all those cannoli and cream puffs alone. (Evil giggle)
I have told cousins if they swallow sunflower seeds or watermelon seeds they will grow in their stomachs. Hehe.
Pretty much. My family has concession stands, though—- for over 65 years, built most of them, too! One looks like an onion that sells friend veggies. I was pretty much born in a French waffle stand.
Not in the least. There are hierarchies within the carny folk and we depend on the wealthy to spend their money on the goldfish ponds, flying rubber frogs, darts at balloons—- there’s a whoooole class system running within—- I personally miss my sideshow friends—- they truly knew how to have fun and pull pranks.
Small hands, smell like cabbage.
That’s true, you know… either that or fried dough and powdered sugar.
Is this a road show or regional? What region?
This is tough to answer. Part of my family travels with Medieval Fairs. Those go all over down South. Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Texas, and Florida. An Uncle owns one in Ohio— 25 years or so. Festivals and Fairs—- NE Ohio, SW PA, & all over Florida. People that own rides/games are separate from what we do. We are mostly concessions. But Mom airbrushed t-shirts at fairs, Van-ins—- screenprinted shirts for The Dead Boys, Boom Boom Mancini—- airbrushed a portrait of Bo Derek, one of Tony Lasorda—- part of our family owned dance clubs, restaurants and hotels. Big family.
Do they happen to do the Ren Faire in Eminence, KY?!
I would totally work a shift or two just for the experience, or at least come say hi if you all wind up in the area.
That reminds me of an old Beavis and Butthead episode where they were given that home ec assignment of caring for a bag of sugar as if it were a baby. They destroyed it in the river then reported to the class that their baby had been taken by gypsies in the night
Hehehee.
New Beavis and Butthead movie just dropped. On paramount. Watch w free trial on Amazon. Here to help.
Saw it the other night. It wasn't great.
I believe there is some truth to using bath salts in Florida and thinking mermaids are real.
Ppppbbbttttht! You win. Hahahaaaa.
Did you know Ted Cruz is actually the Zodiac Killer?
That I can believe.
I've never done this but I had a coworker tell me Allister crawley was the father of Barbara Bush. I believed it until I Googled it and among other things found out he was crazy. Once told a group of us that he knew someone that went to the Dominican republic, fell a sleep and got his kidneys stolen. Not making any of this up.
Jack Ruby had to shoot Oswald with a ruby bullet because he was a werewolf.
Years ago I had some ditzy millennial coworkers who were only around five years younger than me but I used to make shit up and see if they'd believe it. If only I could remember some of it...
What about the child that doesn't believe you - even when you're being honest? 🤣
That is a child who will never know the joy of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or religion.
Perfect!
You just described wee me. For the record, Im definitely not an atheist. Believing in magic has greatly enhanced my quality of life.
When my daughter was about 6-ish years old she asked my husband:
‘Daddy ? What’s ‘eggnostic’?
He said ‘It means that you know eggs exist , but you aren’t sure where they came from. And you like egg salad sandwiches.’
Lying was the best part of parenting.
I love this, and I love egg salad, but Ive seen where eggs come from.
Is it the kind of child who also becomes capable of making elaborate lies earlier than he's supposed to?
I am not sure. At what age is a child expected to be capable of making elaborate lies? 😆
Not sure either. I had a couple brain farts today Lol. But, there's an interview on JRE with Jake The Snake. Jake talked about a life experience he had when he was little, and how it made him learn to lie big early on when he was supposed to stay innocent ti'll.. don't know 13 to 14, maybe 16!!
Wait, are you the mother of my child?
Not to my knowledge - but it sounds like our children have something in common. 😂
This was the Iranian national anthem before the extremists took over. https://youtu.be/iIpfWORQWhU
Not quite the same since it was my daughter and she was three, but it’s my favorite parenting lie to date: when she said she saw ghosts in the hallway, I told her ghosts hated fresh smells like minty breath and also since they were so lightweight you could blow them away. So, for the next month or so, she would walk down our hallway, huffing and puffing and waving her hand, and then would ask if she could brush her teeth again
I just told my three year old witches are blind and follow the sound of temper tantrums so if he is really quiet maybe they won’t follow him. (He loves witches this does not scare him in a bad way but it does stop the tantrums momentarily)
Not quite a lie but reminds me of a similar story. When I was little my father use to tell me that John F. Kennedy ruined his 10th birthday. For years as a child I couldn’t think of what JFK could’ve done to ruin my dad’s birthday. Was he there? How did my dad know JFK? Well my dad’s birthday is November 22nd. When I finally figured out what he was talking about he confirmed, “yeah, everyone got sent home from school and no one showed up to my party.”
I just made some BS up about Jack Ruby shooting Oswald with a ruby bullet because he was a werewolf as a fun lie to tell kids and commented it here. Then scrolled down to find this. Weird little synchronicity.
Very cute and tempting.
I need this in my life. I wanna tell young people that Bill Clinton authorized the first moon landing.
Just tell them the truth about Reagan trying to fund space weapons, and killing americans with crack to fund an illegal war.
One of my favorite is when my 3 kids were all in elementary school, me and their mom would set the clock ahead like an hour and be like,
“Weeeelp I guess it’s bedtime. It’s what the clock says”
They’d be all crying about how it’s still light out and I’d just point out the irrefutable evidence of a clock.
I was wearing a military cap at a block party and a tweener asked me if I ever saw combat, I told him I was wounded during the Bay of Pigs and had to have a steel plate in my head. He said that sucks and I told him the worst part is that I can’t use a cellphone because the metal interferes with the signal but I get free satellite radio.
I told a young'n on Facebook that The Goonies, Stand By Me and The Lost Boys was a classic trilogy from the '80s.
His response: "NO WAY!"
Not sure if he bought it.
Did you know that ‘War of the ‘Worlds’ is based on a true story? They even broadcasted the invasion live on radio as it was happening.
For sure, it's classic and spanking. Met Van Morrison while waitressing in a Woodstock NY cafe. He was withdrawn & sullen, but, after eating, brightened ♡ left nice tip after all my fumbled awe ♡
I stopped an Easter once for my daughter when she was 7. The Easter bunny had been kidnapped by a demonic force given shape in the form of the ink demon Bendy. She had to find 6 ink covered Easter eggs around the house to unlock the prison. The final egg was hidden in the bathroom. It was there that I locked the door while I put on a costume of Sammy Lawrence. When she finally popped the lock she had to wrestle the egg from my now inky form. She saved easter and everything went back to normal. Sad thing is scared alot of her classmates with her stories. I think they eventually got over it because she has a lot of friends. So is it better to lie to your children and tell them monsters are not real or to prepare them to battle their demons however they exist? I feel like my daughter is more creative due to my antics. I hope she is able to keep it intact along with her imagination as she gets older. I lie to lots of people when I write my fiction.
I once convinced someone Spontaneous Dental Hydroplosion was a thing, so there's that. But I can't keep a straight face for long, I'm a bit Lincoln like that.
My dad’s wedding ring is made of a few different rings from our family history melted down and recast with a stone in the middle. This is true.
What isn’t true is that for some reason I was led to believe as a child it was made from the gold foil that used to come lining the inside of cigarette packets. I thought this was true for YEARS.
I remember doing a kinda similar exercise as a kid but, not since. I'm an only child, so I played alone most of the time, with figure toys. I'd make stories up using those figures. When at school the next day, I'd use those stories I made up, reshape them as a movie I've seen on tv, even cast them with known actors, and recount it to my mates. They believed everything. I guess I loved attention since an early age.
You know, It always irritated me that some people take in what ever an older person says. And I go like, '' Damn, this believes that only because we"re indoctrinated early that we have to listen to elders? he's old, experienced, seen shit, so he must KNOW something???" Then, I remember what George Carlin used to sing about all day: '' It's all bullshit folks, and it's bad for you''.
One of my brothers has four children and five grandchildren. I'd like to tell "elaborate" stories such as: dinosaurs are still alive. (That one never went very far.) My brother put an end to more devious stories, stating: "No perpetuating a falsehood."
And for those extra special little bundles of know-all, don’t just tell the lies, GIVE The lies…
https://odditymall.com/nirvana-hanson-t-shirt
Sharing is caring x
I'm from Latin America, though, and kids here are raised to think everyone is full of shit all the time (which might be a healthier upbringing, tbh), so I've had to really insist on basic affirmations like, "no really, Sydney isn't the capital of Australia" and such...
Hungry Like The Wolf was their manifesto/plot on carrying out the hit…
“I’m on the hunt I’m after you”
Flat-out hilarious. Lying to young people. When my daughter was young I'd start telling her a story that was true then at one point it becomes untrue and gets wilder. She had to tell me at what point the story became fiction.
Can I post my short story in the comments? I haven’t received any emails lately of you critiquing submittals.
Love it!
Back in the 90s when I had my eyebrow pierced, I worked as a summer camp counselor at the YMCA. Whenever the kids would ask about my piercing, I would tell them a cautionary tale about how I went to get my ear pierced but they missed!
The worst thing I did to my sister when we were kids (I’m older) was roll this shoe gunk from my generic berkenstock sandal into a ball and tell her that it was an M&M and she totally put it in her mouth. Don’t worry. Years later we were at breakfast and I was so thirsty I went around drinking all the waters, including my sister’s. At the end of the meal I watched in horror as she reached to the bottom of her cup and pulled out her retainer and popped it back in. Yes. I drank retainer water. 🤢 payback is a puke.
yeah remember when people said it was important to go to church.
I remember my mom was especially stupid / full of shit.
"if you keep picking your nose your nostrils will widen"
"eyelashes don't grow back"
"im a good mother"
etc.
When Taylor Swift was “blowing up”, I almost convinced my Daughter she was computer generated. And now more and more I believe it’s true-Computer generated Superstars.
My day job is as a literacy consultant. I teach a lot of kids. Lying to them is what I live for. When I worked in a public school, I convinced an entire Kindergarten class that I locked naughty students in the boiler room we walked past every day. I loved catching some of them tap on the door to ask if anyone was inside and needed help.
Reminds me of the Calvin & Hobbes comic where the dad was always telling Calvin tall tales. I loved doing this to my kid (back when she was a kid), but she was the least gullible kid I've ever met. My luck. She wasn't quite four years old when a storm knocked out the electricity in our neighborhood while we were watching something on TV. I told my daughter, "I guess we'll have to watch TV by candlelight." She said, "Unh-uh, Daddy. The TV don't work without legtricity."
That wasn't Duran Duran. It was Roberto Duran.
Don't tell me this isn't true! I loved the BBC documentary on the spaghetti harvest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEqp0x6ajGE
A: I took an electric heater with me.
P: What? How do you plug it?
A: I got solar panels.
T: What's he saying?
P: He got electric heater with him.
T: What? You got electric heater when we go camping?
A: Yeah, you said to bring warm clothes, but I thought that's a bit selfish so I got us electric heater in my backpack to keep us all warm.
Our camping group stared at me as I delivered it with a straight face.
T: You're just kidding, you can't fit a heater in backpack.
P: He's not kidding, he's crazy like that.
A: It's Japanese folding heater, it's small like a book but unfolds to the size of chair. (I should've said it's origami heater.)
...
We got so drunk, nobody remembered my lie anyway, but I tried.
I've few more coming.
Thanks for the assignment, I'll have fun with it.
...
*Note, we camped at a festival, not in the wilderness.